A Blog, I Has One

Occupy Wall Street

2011-10-05T20:51:00.001-06:00

This speaks for itself. To whomever wrote this: THANK YOU.

Must... Log... Off...

2011-09-23T22:36:00.003-06:00

Yeah, this was me all day on Google+. Okay, I'm done. No really, I'm done now. Wait! Another interesting person! And now my stream has more updates. Oooh, look at all the replies. My little red box up there is going insane.

No really, I'm logging off for now. I can check this in the morning.

But first I'm just going to reply to this reply.

IT NEVER STOPS.

... Elsewhere in the universe ...

What was that I heard about FB having some updates? Meh. I'll check it out later. Right after I finish this post.

~Sass~

LXD: Legion of Extraordinary Dancers

2011-09-20T15:36:00.004-06:00

I love this show. LOVE. Despite the title sounding like another bad reality dance competition, and despite the beginning-of-every-episode narrator that makes me roll my eyeballs, this show has turned out to be creative gold. There is an actual plot here that has the potential to turn cheesy at a moment's notice, but the writers handle it well. I can't get enough of it.

Besides, even without a plot the show is worth watching just for all the pop-n-lock man candy.

(And if you notice, Glee kid Harry Shum, Jr snuck his way into this cast!)

The writers, directors, and choreographers keep this show fresh every episode, adding new spins or different viewpoints. No two episodes are the same. In fact, I think I may have to make a new playlist on Spotify specifically for all the music I've heard so far in this show.

The third episode is really what got me hooked, and since Hulu is nice like that, I'm going to embed it for you here:

I'm currently in the middle of season 2. It's a full on creepy-scary sick effects visual adrenaline fest. It's original. It's addicting. What are you waiting for?

~Sass~

Case of the Mondays

2011-09-12T10:35:00.002-06:00

What I think about when I get to work:
1. Damn I have a lot of homework to do.
2. Damn I have a lot of house work to do.
3. When am I going to have time to work on my novel?

What I think about when I get home:
1. Don't want to do homework.
2. Don't want to do house work.
3. When am I going to have time to work on my novel?

What I think about when I'm doing my homework:
1. I should really do some house work. This place is a mess.
2. When am I going to have time to work on my novel?

What I'm thinking about when I'm doing house work:
1. This is way better than doing homework.
3. When am I going to have time to work on my novel?

What I think about when I'm actually writing my novel:
1. I should really be doing my homework.
2. I should really be doing the house work.
3. I should be working right now, but eff it, it's almost the end of the day.

Brought to you by A.D.D. Because only having one thing to think about is clearly too boring!

Children's Books

2011-09-09T09:27:00.003-06:00

As a parent, a writer, and an avid reader I did my son a favor and started reading to him before he even knew a book could be used as anything but a teething toy. (I'm telling you, Brown Bear looks like it went through a trash compactor.) The books get cuter and cleverer. We both enjoy them. My 18-mo old son even walks up to me a few times a day with a book and sits in my lap so mommy can read to him.

Imagine my excitement when they started making humorous kids books for adults.

I don't mean humorous in a Disney sort of way. You know, where the movie is fun for the kids and a few adult jokes sneak into the dialogue in such a way that the kids are none the wiser. No, I mean like adult humorous.

Samuel L. Jackson narrates one of my favorites:

And now there is a new one to prepare your child for the upcoming apocalypse!

That's Not Your Mommy Anymore

I heart the writing community. I hope someday my son will find as much amusement in reading and writing as I do!

~Sass~

No Less Miraculous

2011-09-06T13:00:00.002-06:00

Already breaking my promise to keep my social media updates unique from each other. This was interesting, though, and I've wanted to talk about this for quite some time. Be warned this is a RELIGION thing and it's bound to offend someone. You are free to leave this post at any time but please stay.

What got this started was a video about quantum physics and how the person who posted the video didn't get it, basically said scientists are full of crap, etc etc (I can't find this video because the person that started the convo didn't link it, so I am basing this on her testimony). Jennifer Bailey responded on Google+ and of course I jumped in because I love me some science (why I didn't go into the field as a career I have no idea). Since I don't know how to directly link a specific post I'll re-post it here for you all:

Was reading through my Sparks and some guy made a video about how butthurt he was over quantum theory. I don't even want to show the video because it's just completely painful. He says things like: "Scientists don't really know what they are talking about, they just guess all the time. There are no facts about anything, ever."

Well, the poor guy is sort of right. I think he's trying to understand what a theory is. But he clearly is biased and neglects the entire spectrum of how the entire point of science is testing a theory so the percentage of error is negligible. Observing something so many times that it becomes what we'd reasonably expect to see.

He didn't like the idea that the whole entire universe is just energy. I can understand how it might be hard for a mind to grasp that. It is hard to comprehend if you're just suddenly confronted with that idea without the physics background to back it up. It may indeed be difficult to come to grips with the fact that at the sub atomic level, particles aren't even ... anything. They're stable probability patterns.

We're all just... math. :)

I find this exceptionally incredibly cool and vastly freeing and wonderful.

But I guess I can understand someone, without having any background to be prepared to hear this sort of thing, will just outright reject it and start coming up with theories of their own to deny the truth.

My response:

+Jennifer Bailey: "I find this exceptionally incredibly cool and vastly freeing and wonderful."

I do too! I love that I don't know everything about the universe (multiverse?) and I think it's more fun to explore the possibilities than have the answers handed to me. Life and existence are magic enough on their own. Maybe this is why I'm not into religion? (I'm not trying to knock anyone's religious beliefs.. I just don't get the appeal. Not my thing.)

And then here comes Tim Elkins to put words to my feelings like he's all up in my head:

+Sarah Rios, I've always thought that compared to other creation stories, it's just as miraculous that billions of years of random interactions resulted in every one of us and every thing we see. It's still awe-inspiring. Having no overarching purpose or divine guidance does not automatically mean that the universe is worthless and meaningless.

It took him about two seconds to voice what I had been trying to figure out how to say for years. (I mean it... years.) I guess I am not like billions of other people in this world that feel there needs to be a divine purpose behind everything. In fact I feel like a divine purpose kind of spoils it all. I very much don't like the idea of having an unavoidable fate, and I find it kind of silly that a diety or dieties has a giant cosmic plan for every living thing down to the smallest bug on this earth / in the universe (it also strikes me as slightly narcissistic if we think that humans are the only "worthy" lifeforms deserving of divine attention). If in fact a higher being does exist, I like to thing such a thing would have more fun in creating life and turning it loose to see how things unfold. Higher beings wouldn't be micromanagers, would they? What fun would that be? The insecurities in a person necessary to trigger the need for micromanaging probably wouldn't be present in a higher being. Or maybe that's just me?

I honestly do not believe in a higher being. It has taken me years to admit that to myself, and I still haven't broken this news to my husband. He thinks I'm agnostic. Who said agnostics were basically atheists without balls? Description is accurate with this blogger. I shamelessly hit behind an agnostic label rather than admit to being an atheist. It's probably time I own that label.

Personally, I think there is enough miracle in the universe without needing an imaginary figure in the background to orchestrate it all. The idea that we were all created out of pure RANDOM is mind-blowing and much more exciting than a bored diety (or lustful/vengeful/etc dieties...to each their own). That said, I do think faith in something is necessary for the mental and emotional health of one's self. If religion fills that void then more power to you, it's just not something I subscribe to.

That was my heavy post for today. You all can breath easy until I make a post on another hot-button issue.

Have some Batmanning:

~Sass~

Variety?

2011-09-02T10:42:00.005-06:00

Since rejoining the world of online everything I've tried to make posts unique between my FaceBook, Twitter, and Google+ accounts. A lot of people post the same things on all three, or the same things on FB / G+ and then use Twitter for the "chatting" (but also still posting the same things there from FB and G+). My thought is... if there is anyone out there that actually follows me everywhere, would they really want to see the same things in three different places?

My thought is no.

It *is* tempting to post the same things in all three places, especially when there's something hilarious or exciting to be shared. Like this giant swing thing I posted on FB this morning:

(makes your stomach drop straight to your feet, no?)

Or this cat picture I re-shared on G+ (originally from Richard Sexton:

I've found that I don't usually like posting links on Twitter. I'm one of those that mostly uses it as a source of chatter, and even though some of it is interesting I don't usually repost it to FB or G+. Example: convo I had this morning on Twitter about Marylin Manson's new song "Born Villain." Like woah Shia LaBouf really showcased his dark side with the directing of that video, and no, you don't get a link because it's WAY not appropriate for anyone under 18 or even some adults with weak stomachs. You can search that one on your own if you want. But that's an example of things I do on Twitter that never make it to FB or G+.

With the exception of today's (and the previous) blog post, I think I'll even try and keep the blog content unique to itself and not let it bleed over to FB / G+ / Twitter.

Don't get me wrong, I don't disapprove of those that post the same things in all places. I follow quite a few people that do that. I just figured I would make my own online presence somewhat different to follow and see if it works for both me and the few people that follow me. I would be interested to know if there is anyone else that does this (Scalzi comes to mind as someone that keeps it "fresh" sometimes between these outlets).

TTFN, and THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY. That was worth typing out in all caps. It's been one of those weeks.

~Sass~

Gear Ring

2011-08-27T21:53:00.002-06:00

Yep, I need one.

Buy it here.

~Sass~

I was RESTING MY EYES

2011-08-26T12:00:00.005-06:00

Brief tangent before we even start: I have issues with starting blog posts, social network status updates, and paragraphs in general with the word "So." I almost did that here. Almost. I caught myself just in time. Improving my writing one repetitive word death at a time.

Teh Sass has issues keeping up with her writing. News at 11.

I've decided that I'm going to try blogging again once a week. I think I can handle that, even when school starts again in a few days. It won't be the TLDR once a day posts of yore but it's better than writing a couple of posts once a year right around NaNoWriMo time. (Sadly, that was one of the reasons I came back now -- I remembered it was almost time to get obsessive about NaNo. Blog? What blog? Oh YEAH. That one! Aww, look at all these kyoot widdle posts from like THREE YEARS AGO. Holy crap.)

I miss my blogging sessions. They were great exercises in creative flow. I miss the process of composing my [many] thoughts into a random bit of silly, finding just the right picture to punctuate my statement, and leaving random bits of youtube for myself to remind me of what was interesting to me at the time. Plus, doing the blog thing is kind of a warm up to doing the novel thing. I haven't written something worth squat outside of NaNoWrimo in YEARS. What the eff happened to me? Gah!

I will get back into writing on a regular basis. Oh yes, I will.

In other news, I've returned to the social networking scene and revived my Twitter account as well as joined Google+. Not gonna lie, Google+ is the best thing on the internet since captioned cat pictures. I'm slowly trying to coerce friends and family to join me there. Something I was pleasantly surprised to see was all the photographers that popped out of the woodwork in Google+. Photographers and Nerds. Artsy peeps and the tech-savvy. My kind of crowd! Part of me actually hopes it stays that way. Please, Google, please don't allow business pages on Google+, or if you do, do it like you did with the games and make them completely ignorable!

Seriously, love me some Google+.

Another thing I usually do that probably annoys you as much as it does me: start my ending paragraph with "Anyway." Not gonna do it. There! See me not doing it? VICTORY IS MINE.

See you guys next week. Gotta get back to the grind!

~~Sass~~

Battlestar Galactica

2011-02-20T19:48:00.002-07:00

First, the Ramen noodles were awesome (see previous post).

Second... OMG. I got on the BSG wagon a few years late but holy crap. Drama! Politics! Space battles! The human race is going to destroy itself... no, maybe it's not... oh wait, yes it is! Ahh!

I finished all 4 (new) seasons within a few weeks and it was one hell of an emotional roller coaster. I gotta give kudos to those writers for the way they manipulated those characters. There had to be a psychiatrist on that writing team having a psycho-gasm with all the bad shit people did to each other in that show. Baltar was a freakin' head trip, and although my friend thinks he should have been thrown out an airlock early on, he was actually one of my favorite characters. It was amusing seeing the desperation on his face at certain points, especially when number six would randomly appear to mess with him even more. And then I always wanted him to do the right thing, but half the fun was waiting to see what he would do wrong...

Now, I didn't see the original Battlestar Galactica. I've only seen the new one. One of my fellow geeky coworkers was all up in arms about the changes they made from the old one. It took my good review to get him to get past the first episode. His biggest beef?

Starbuck? Originally a guy.
(But she still smokes and sleeps around.)

My coworker likens Starbuck's gender change to rewriting Star Wars so that Han Solo is a girl (while that's actually an amusing thought, I get his point). Since I haven't seen the original I can't comment. He keeps bitching about Starbuck every time I ask him where he's at in the series, but he's still watching, so clearly it doesn't bother him as much as he says it does. So what else changed?

Boomer? Black dude.
(Not even close.)

Cylons?
(From Toaster to Titillating.)

Centurion gets a face lift...

And then we have skinjobs!

There are a lot of other changes from what I hear, but the writers gave themselves a valid reason from deviating so far from the original. I call it the Star Trek plotline escape.

Seen the new Star Trek? That whole oops Spock created / went through a wormhole and messed up the space-time continuum so that everything changed but the same players are still there thing? Yeah. It's kind of like that in the new BSG. There's a line repeated through most of the series (although a lot more often in the later half): "This has all happened before, and it will all happen again." Yes, yes, we get it, history repeats itself. But wait! There's more. At the very end, in the last episode, there is a conversation going on in which this statement is given (I won't spoil anything for you by saying who said it etc etc... it's non spoilery on its own):

"Let a complex system repeat itself long enough, eventually something surprising might occur."

(Fair warning, the following assessment is slightly spoilery in concept.)

Put those two quotes together and BAM! There's your reason for the changes. This is NOT the same Battlestar Galactica. It wasn't meant to be. This is history repeating itself. The old BSG happened, yes. Starbuck was a dude, the cylons were toasters, etc. But now it's happening again. It's the same, but different. Starbuck is a girl. The cylons look like hot chicks. Why all the changes? Because the complex system is creating surprises on its most recent repeat. Oooo. Some of you may think this is a cheap way to bring back the awesome show to end all awesomeness, but you lore sticklers gotta admit it's a good way (or at least an acceptable way) for the new writers to justify their adaptations.

And someone said they didn't like the ending to the new one, but I actually thought it was good. It resolved the storyline in a satisfying way. Plus it was a much happier ending than I expected compared to all the pessimistic build up (maybe that's why people didn't like it?).

My recommendation? If you haven't watched it, go seek it out. Netflix, your local rental place, a friend that has the DVDs, maybe even a library, whatever. Get your hands on that series and go watch.

I'll even see if I can find the original BSG and watch it while you watch the new one.

~Sass~

Ramen Noodles of Win and Awesome

2011-01-09T09:40:00.004-07:00

Happy New Year everyone :) Yes, it's over a week since the coming of 2011, but I haven't blogged yet this year so I thought I'd play catch up and throw that out there.

Today I've been struck with the Ramen Noodle bug. Good Morning America (or some similar show... I don't know because I wasn't really paying attention) had a special on the popularity of Ramen Noodles and how the craze is coming to America. They don't mean the Ramen noodles in the packaging with the little flavor packet. They mean Ramen noodles that have been deliciously re-invented into bowls of yummy goodness. Of course I immediately had to run to my computer and look up recipes for Ramen noodles, and then run upstairs to check the expiration date of the box of chicken Ramen we bought from Costco forever and a day ago.

Sad story - we have actually reached the recommended use-by date on the package. 01/05/11. It's only 4 days past that so I figure if I cook all of them today I should be good. Right? Let's hope so. If not, I'm denied Ramen until we can get to a store and it's snowmageddon out there so I don't want to go driving for a cheap package of Ramen.

Anyway...

I'm now struck with extreme indecision. How many recipes could there really be for Ramen noodles, you ask. Too many, I answer. Google "ramen noodle recipes." I dare you.

The one thing I got from going through the search results is that I could pretty much throw anything I have in my cabinets into ramen noodle soup (within reason) and it will turn out divine. I'm favoring recipes with shrimp or chicken since we have a frozen abundance of both. I believe I also have a choice of veggie or chicken broth, and we even have some dried shiitake mushrooms that I could use to make Shiitake Dashi broth.

(I say this like I'm actually going to do this myself and not have my husband make it. He usually cooks. For the sake of this blog, I'll pretend I'm the one that will be cooking.)

The recipe here to the right actually looks really good and is really easy to make. I may go with that one. Veggie broth, veggies, Ramen noodles, soy sauce, chili oil, minced fresh ginger root, and green onions. Looks like that cook also garnished it with a lettuce leaf and a slice of mushroom. I think I see regular onions in there too. Mmmmmmmmm. Along with all the tea we just bought from Teavana yesterday, it looks like I'll have a lot of warmth to combat the extreme cold blowing through Colorado the next few days.

Okay, enough blogging. I've made myself so hungry I think I'm getting heartburn. I'll let you know which recipe I picked and write it out for you if it turns out to be as dreamy as I think it will be.

Today's LOLvideo:

Enjoy!

~Sass~

Oh Look, a Shiny!

2010-12-06T09:33:00.004-07:00

Today, while our system at work decided to go tits up for a few hours, I rolled around the writers forums skimming for something that might catch my interest. I gravitated towards the research part of the site because sometimes the weirdest stuff comes up in conversation and the answers tend to inspire me. What did I come across today?

Racing thoughts & bipolar disorder

It sucked me in. My mom is bipolar and the first thought I had on reading the title was "I wonder if this happens to my mom?" I read the initial question (what is it like for people that experience it?) and then read the responses, and then...

The more I read it, the more I thought, huh. That happens to me all the time. I thought it was just me having a lot of mental ADD. It didn't occur to me that it might not be normal. It certainly isn't an unpleasant experience for me, not like it's described in those few responses in the thread. I don't go into the negative beating myself up and saying "you suck you suck you suck" over and over in my head. It's more like... well, here, let me see if I can come up with an example.

Back to the original reason I'm blogging: the system at work is down. At that point my first thought was to check email. I got to my email, saw that one of my brainstorming buddies was online but away, and it occurred to me that I could use this time to write. I then jumped to thoughts of using writing programs such as Scrivener, which then made me think of when I was messing with the Beta version of Scrivener on my husband's computer, which then made me remember that there was a bunch of crap I needed him to get done today, so I went back to my email to message him about it. I then went back to the writer's forums, which looped me back in thought to planning my novel, so while I was reading the forums I was also in the back of my head thinking about how I could go about getting back into the mind set of writing as my werewolf Kate (who has been renamed Mallory, but that's another blog topic), and I began to wonder if I should just start retyping the story to get into that frame of mind. (It's first person and I've been out of it a while... I'd need to get back in Kate/Mallory frame of mind.) Then, I remembered when I was writing my NaNo this year that I used a lot of mental ADD in that character to get me through my word count, which then looped me back to the bipolar thread on the writer's forums and I thought, wow, I need to blog about that.

This all happened in a matter of about ten minutes.

Then I went back and checked (because I keep checking) to see if the system was up, and lo, it is still down for the count. At which point my brain then went back to thinking of ways I could revise my story, and I tabbed back over to this blog window to continue blogging.

I don't think you even want to know how long it takes me to actually blog, because the mental zig zagging that has happened during the course of even this one post would probably make you dizzy. And I consider it normal. It happens to me every day.

This statement in particular I found hilariously accurate:

Just a bit to add is that one thought leads to another leads to another and so on. Until the person forgets where they started. Sometimes, the person would have to back track to get to the first thought that started the whole mess.

This happens to me all the time. Occasionally I even have to back track multiple times because I run off on another tangent while I'm back-tracking.

It's why (here comes another zig) that I loved my previous job, and why I am starting to like my current job. I like these jobs that keep me so busy I can hardly think, precisely because they keep me so busy that I can hardly think. It blocks out my ADD. I simply don't have time to get lost in thought all day (and believe me, if I had the time, I would literally be lost in thought all day long). Did this make me a total space cadet growing up? Yes, yes it did. I strongly suspect the reason I became a writer was to organize and record all of my many weird and interesting thoughts. Sometimes it's exhausting having a brain that never quits.

Does this happen to anyone else? Does your brain just go and go and go like some demented Energizer Bunny on crack? I'd be interested to know how many of us writers experience this kind of thing.

Distractedly yours,

~Sass~

Almost! Almost!

2010-11-18T18:09:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow is the Harry Potter madness! So excited!

(Also, sorry for not posting for two weeks. I didn't realize it had been that long between posts. Bad Sass. Bad.)

I'm rolling right along with NaNo. Right around day eleven or so I had a change of heart with my story and took a three day break. It was a good break, because I came out of it and decided that no, I was not going to write this story from the perspective of the snakeshifter. No, I was going to write it through the perspective of one of the very human coworkers of the snake shifter. And not just any human coworker. No! I was going to write this thing through the perspective of the office gossip chick.

Let me tell you, things got interesting.

I did get three days behind in my writing, though, and I'm still working to get caught up from that. Last night I was "only" 4800 words behind. I'm going to try to get back on track by the end of this weekend, and then I'll tackle the holiday when it gets here.

Thanksgiving typically kills my word count. If I'm not ahead of my word count by that Wednesday, I'm generally doomed to miss my 50k goal. We're traveling back to KC again this year (MO side, kthx) to see family and of course we have to hit all three Thanksgiving dinners. But I will make 50k this year. I will. Why?

I want my discount on the Windows Scrivener!

So yeah. Cheer me on. I'm totally making it this year.

To keep in the spirit of Harry Potter-ness, here it is. The Harry Potter cast tries their best at American accents. Enjoy!

'American Talk' With Josh Horowitz And The 'Harry Potter' Cast

~Sass~

Harry Potter and the Movie Marathon

2010-11-05T22:40:00.004-06:00

Harry Potter is almost upon us.

I admit to being a complete book nerd (like you haven't figured that out already?). I waited in line to buy each book as it came out (insisting, of course, that I get my own separate copy in addition to my husband's so that we could both read the books at the same time), faithfully saw all of the movies, and of course had to buy them all on DVD. Except for the sixth one, which we somehow still don't own, but I intend to remedy that.

Since I had anticipated not having a job on November 19th when the movie comes out, I planned on going with my whole team to the theater that day to take over an entire row of seats in a midday show. That plan did not change when I got the new job. So guess what I get to do with manager approval? Take the day off and go see the movie. Damn straight.

It's going to be crazy. We're going out to brunch, going to see a 1pm-ish movie, hitting up the happy hour at a nearby bar and grill, and then possibly doing dinner. Yes, I am friends with an entire team of Harry Potter fans. We are awesome. And somewhat insane.

(Yes, we did secure a baby sitter for that day. I am so not bringing our little bundle of teething cuteness into a theater.)

Of course we have to prepare for the 7th movies by watching the first six. I'm still trying to figure out how to fit in that many movie watching hours with a finite number of free weeknights and weekend hours available, but I think we can pull it off.

Anyone have an extra scarf? :)

~Sass~

Cold Hearted Snake

2010-11-04T18:38:00.000-06:00

Snakeshifters. Yes, there, I said it. I have snakeshifters in my NaNo this year. The awesomeness that is reptilian were-form has me trying to think up all kinds of great battle scenes for later in the story. Although, typical to NaNo, I haven't quite figured out who my bad guys are yet. I've simply referred to them as... THEM. In capital letters. It's my flag to go back and change the reference once I know their identities. I can't tell you how jerky it is to read through a paragraph and see "THEM"... "THEY"... "THEM"... "THEIR," but oh well. It's all part of the fun.

I am a little behind, though. As my husband put it, our 7 month old "thinks sleep is for the weak," and by that I mean as of last weekend he's been waking up crying multiple times a night. I don't know if he's teething again or what. Since it's super dry here we started running a humidifier in his room. That helps some but he's still waking up way more than he should, and it's making my brain short circuit. Hard to stay up late and meet that word goal when I suddenly cease to function after about 7:30.

I'm most of the way through season 2 of Weeds, though. That show is freaking hilarious.

We have a new plan to tackle our lagging word counts tomorrow. Multiple birthday parties and game nights shall not interfere with snakey NaNo goodness!

A JOB I HAS ONE

2010-11-01T18:06:00.002-06:00

Much happiness. I'm still gainfully employed as of 9am this morning when I accepted an internal position. Made my Monday a lot better, let me tell you.

Don't forget - it's the first day of NaNo! Join in the craziness! I mean, come on, I got my husband to do it, and he's never written a sentence of fiction in his life. If nothing else, make it your goal to beat him. :)

Those of you already doing it, what are your first lines? Here is mine in all of its silly glory:

"What do you mean, you 'lost your tail'? How do you lose an entire appendage?"

I have no idea where I'm going with it, but that's half the fun!

So how was your Monday?

~Sass~

The Waiting Game

2010-10-19T20:45:00.004-06:00

For those that don't know, I've been laid off and my last day at work is November 16th. I've been applying to various jobs and interviewing like crazy... which has led me to one conclusion.

It isn't the applications or the interviews that are the stressful part of job hunting. The stressful part is the waiting.

To be honest, the first couple of rejections smarted a little bit. I haven't had to interview for a job since I worked in retail (temp agencies and promotions are freaking awesome, btw) so getting those first form emails or phone calls saying "we picked someone better than you!" is a little damaging to one's pride. Worse than that, however, is when I hear nothing at all. "We should have a decision by the end of the week"... and then two weeks later I have to assume they didn't like me. I actually feel that's worse than outright rejecting me, because then I'm left to wonder what went wrong.

Just tell me so I can move on!

I understand why some recruiters / companies skip the rejection phone call all together, but it is a little rude, and it does reflect badly on the company. Avoiding confrontation by avoiding contact altogether? I would rather get a form rejection.

Anyway, back on point, there are two positions I'm waiting to hear about. Both are internal. Both are trying to make their decision by the end of the week. What has this done to my nerves?

So yeah. Until I hear back about either of these positions, I'm going to be a little scatter-brained.

Quote of the day (courtesy of Despair.com):

Excuses - "If you keep asking others to give you the benefit of the doubt, they'll eventually start to doubt your benefit."

~Sass~

Hi, How's It Going?

2010-10-14T18:07:00.002-06:00

Wow. It's almost been a year since my last blog post. It's like I've been busy or something.

< ~~ (Totally his fault.)

I've decided that I took way too long of a break from writing and I need to get my ass back in gear. I miss it. It misses me. But you'll have to excuse the first few posts because woah I'm rusty and this isn't as easy as it used to be. Stuff no longer flies from my fingertips like... like...

Well, see, there you go. I can't even do a simple simile anymore! Aaahhh!

I'm not going easy on myself, though. Jumping right back into NaNo again this year to make sure I can hit the ground running with some of the ideas I have fighting for life in the accumulated mommy slush that is my brain. After taking a two year break (!) from my wolf story I went back and read it and got excited all over again. Need to spruce up the ending, work on some consistency issues, and get that puppy submitted. That's it. I'm doing it this year. (ooo, look, I accidentally made a pun!)

In the mean time, to keep you all entertained, witness the frightening glory that is Germany's Got Talent:

~Sass~

The Game Plan

2009-11-17T07:14:00.002-07:00

Okay, so I'm lagging a little bit on NaNo. Lagging is better than a complete stop, however, so I've come up with a game plan to keep myself in his race.

Right now I stand here:

Technically, I was supposed to be here by the end of last night:

That's about 4200 words behind. But, that's okay. I've been behind for all but the first day of this NaNo and I haven't stopped yet. So what is my plan? There are a few things to consider.

1 - We're leaving for KC on Wednesday, and we're driving. From Denver to KC is about a 9 hour drive if we speed a little more than is necessary and don't stop much. It might be 10 hours if we decide we're not in that much of a hurry, or if there are too many Kansas State Troopers hanging around. Since I'll be in the passenger seat of our comfy rental car (because we are so not taking OUR car on that long of a trip) I'll have some time to pound out a few thousand words. If I don't get carsick.

2 - I'm pretty much not going to write from Thursday to Saturday. This is because I have a very large family and multiple Thanksgivings to attend, plus my mom's 50th bday party on Saturday, and some additional baby shower registering on Black Friday (*shudder*)... not to mention the fact that there are a lot of people waiting to see the pregnant lady. I still haven't posted or sent anyone baby bump pics so they're kind of antsy. Due to the insane amounts of food I'll be eating that baby bump will probably expand to make me look like I'm 7 or 8 months along instead of 6. Anyway, not a lot of writing from Thursday to Saturday.

3 - This leaves me with only Sunday (and if all else fails, Monday after work) to do any catch up from Thanksgiving week. That blows. Why? Because Sunday is November 29thth, the next to the last day of NaNoWriMo. The site will be slow from everyone validating their word count -- which is why Monday after work is completely out of the question. If I wait until the last minute to update my word count I may not register as crossing the finish line within the deadline even if I DO actually do it. This means I want to have my NaNo completely done by Sunday the 29th or I only want to have 1-2k left to go.

So, with all of that in mind, I have to be damn productive from now until next Tuesday.

I figure if I can make myself pump out a good 3k words a day from now through Tuesday, that will leave me with a word count of approximately 46,400. Like this:

(I like pictures, can you tell??)

That means all I would have to do is write 3,600 words between Wednesday through Sunday. My hope is that I can write those 3600 words in the car on Wednesday and have some breathing room for Thanksgiving, but this is uber slacker we're talking about here. I'll probably get 2k in the car and have to find time to write the last 1600 somewhere in there. This is assuming, of course, that I actually make my 3k a day word goal from now until then. But I shall banish such pessimistic thoughts.

I CAN DO THIS.

And if I can't... well, hey, I've got more words written this month than I've done combined in the last two years. That's huge. I've found out that even when I'm brain fried and baby tired (which is like every day after 6pm) I'm still able to force 1k words into a word processor a night. If I choose, I can make that a daily ritual. And I will choose to do that. Oh yes, I will. I miss writing. It's time to insert it back into my busy life.

Root for me, people. I'm on the path to victory!

~Sass~

Poker Face

2009-11-08T20:43:00.004-07:00

So if you haven't already heard it (almost impossible at this point), Lady Gaga released a song earlier in the year (possibly last year?) titled Poker Face. I kind of like it actually. It has a nice beat and ornery lyrics.

Then, if you've been watching South Park lately, you may have noticed that Cartman sang the song for a game that looked like it was probably Rock Band or something similar. Oh my hilariousness.

I didn't think anything could top that...

UNTIL I SAW THIS.

Traumatized yet? ;)

~Sass~

NaNo: Day 1. Success!

2009-11-01T20:54:00.003-07:00

Here it goes, then. Almost a year of writing damn near nothing and I started NaNo at a pretty good pace. Just a little over 1k words in the morning followed by a grand total of 1964 words by the end of the day.

I DID IT. I STARTED WRITING AGAIN!

No school makes a lot of difference. I don't feel pressured to hurry up and write so I can do my homework or vice versa. There's no guilty conscience screaming in my ear about stuff I'm supposed to be doing other than writing ridiculous prose. (Well, almost no guilty conscience. I was supposed to finish cleaning the computer room today and that sort of didn't happen. Shhhhh.)

Also, I'm a slacker of epic proportions. I totally didn't tell you guys.

We're expecting a little bundle of testosterone!!! (OMG, I'm 21 weeks on Monday! I'm past the halfway point!!! Mah belleh, it gets bigger...)

Gonna sign off early tonight so I can go to sleep (*snort*) and get up early to pound out a few hundred words in the morning before work.

And if you haven't started the NaNo craziness... THERE'S STILL TIME. Go! Go on! Sign up already. Start writing.

Or post your word count. Is anyone up for a word war sometime this week? Just let me know. Imma be there to kick your butt.

~Sass~

OM NOM NOM

2009-10-19T11:14:00.003-06:00

Today, victory is ours... for we have successfully made Gooseberry pie in high altitude using a recipe for, well, not high altitude.

For those of you that don't know, Gooseberries are famously tart. I LURVE me some tart berries. We paired it with a graham cracker crust this time and ohhhhhhhhh. Just... ohhhhh. I think I had a pie-gasm while I was eating it. Seriously, you guys need to find you some Gooseberries and make a pie.

This isn't the pie I made but it's a picture that looks the most similar. Just imagine it with a graham cracker base and no top crust.

Drooling yet? I know I am. I'm resisting the urge to go up there and eat the whole damn thing.

Here's the original recipe. Since we're at mile high we added another 1.5 tablespoons of corn starch and a teaspoon of flour. (We did this last year using the original recipe and the filling never thickened... it was basically soup in a pie crust. Still tasted good, but very soupy.)

Gooseberry Pie

2 cans OregoN Gooseberries
1/2 to 1 cup sugar (more or less to taste)
2 to 3 tablespoons cornstarch
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon butter or margarine
Pastry for double crust 9-inch pie

Preheat oven to 400 F. Drain syrup from gooseberries, reserving 1/2 cup of the syrup. Combine the sugar, cornstarch, and salt. Mix the reserved syrup into the dry ingredients and cook until thickened. Remove from heat. Gently stir in gooseberries.

Pour into pastry-lined pie pan and dot with butter or margarine. Adjust top crust, seal, and vent. Bake for 30 minutes or until crust is brown.

You may choose to add 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon, nutmeg, or mace for extra flavor.

Well? Go on! Go make a pie already and celebrate with me.

~Sass~

Indecisive Sass Is Indecisive

2009-10-16T08:25:00.005-06:00

So, like normal, I've decided to toss out the current NaNo idea and go with something else. Namely, this chica from a past writing challenge (the topic was "cyborgs"):

"So... um... how do I work?"

I lifted my arms, careful not to touch anything. They felt heavy. Mechanical noises in my shoulders followed the movement as I extended one arm and then the other. As I shifted my footing for balance I felt my ghost foot ache with the pressure. A quick glance down let me know my left leg was really just metal from the knee down.

"There's 'nuff weaponry in them arms to take out a small country. Just think what you need and it'll pop out," Rod said, fiddling with the toothpick in his mouth.

My new metal ribs stretched the scar on my side as I took a deep breath. I bent my elbow to take a closer look at my hand. It certainly looked like real skin. Felt like it, too. Amazing.

"Is there a manual or something? I don't want to go for pistol and have my arm manifest a bazooka."

He laughed. "No manual, sweetheart. I could tell ya whats in there and how'ta fix it, but I ain't yer maker. Only Clive knows that junk."

A walking weapons arsenal. I liked it. Maybe this time I'd actually get to kill that asshole arms dealer. Maybe with some of his own product. I'd have to find out exactly what was built into me and how to use it so I could light up his ass six ways to Sunday. Visions of smoking ash piles made me smile. Oh yes, he'd regret tearing me limb from limb.

I tried a few defensive stances and punched the air. A bolt popped off with a loud "zing" and a small puff of air escaped my elbow. Something made an ugly grinding noise.

Rod raised one bushy eyebrow. "Hmph. That ain't good."

Yes, it's rough. I pulled it outta my tail about 20 minutes before I posted it. But oh the potential. And I don't really have to put as much effort into coming up with a storyline for her. She already has a background.

Plus, my hillbilly ancestors are loving Rod and Clive and their old skool mechanic skills. Overhaulin' y'all. Cyborg style. And yes, that is Summer Glau in the picture. Males may now commence drooling.

However, I was discussing both NaNo ideas with Crankypants (aka a friend from Cali) and I mentioned that I still liked my villainess from the other NaNo idea. We agreed it would be possible to mix the two. Picture this: bloodlust girl finds a new toy, one that bleeds but has mechanical parts to explore. Of course Crankypants had an entirely different scenario in his head involving what I'm sure was oil or a tub full of jello or a pit of mud or something, to which I replied that fantasy would likely happen in bloodlust girl's head. Only, yannow, involving more blood. What I'm trying to work out is whether the arms dealer mentioned in this blurb is involved with bloodlust girl, or if the antagonists need to have antagonists. Arms Dealer vs Bloodlust Girl vs Cyborg Girl. It just screams NaNo.

We'll see if this idea sticks. I hope it does... cyborg girl sounds fun.

Today's moment of zen:

~Sass~

Updates

2009-10-01T07:35:00.005-06:00

I know, I did it again, I disappeared off the face of the earth. At least it wasn't for 3 months though, eh?

So I haven't thought a lot about my NaNo in a few weeks. School and life are pretty much kicking my ass. However, I did decide how to work in Greek mythology. (I did this a couple of weeks ago, actually. I just haven't had time to blog!)

Zeus, aka the most ancient of manwhores, allegedly has an affair. I know, don't faint. But he does it with Eric's sidekick -- Preggers. Guess how she got that way??? Oh yes. I did in fact just pull a sekret bebbe move here. It's corny and juicy and you know it... especially when Hera (Zeus's wifey and a perpetually menopausal goddess) shows up in search of the little bastard. NaNo fodder at its best. But I've kind of decided that rather than being all vengeful with the killing and such, Hera might just sit down and have a civil conversation with Preggers (when and if Hera finds Preggers). Ideas for that convo, I has dems.

At this point you might be asking where Eric fits into all of this. He is, after all, the main character. Don't worry. I've got plans for him. I also know how to tie in my bloodlusting villainess. This is the part where you imagine me behind my keyboard pulling a Mr. Burns. Excellent, Smithers.

On a personal note -- holy crap I think I had the first little movements this week. I'm not entirely sure it was baby somersaults, but I have a very strong suspicion. Time will tell. At this point I'm in the middle of week 16 so it's not quite at the point where I'd expect to feel movement. Still exciting. Now if only I could find a comfortable position to sleep in...

Expect the posting to be sparse for a bit longer. This weekend I start my weekend intensive class for the semester. It's three credits and only lasts two weekends. 8ish to 4ish on both Saturday and Sunday. Lots of writing. Heavy emotional stuff. The class is called Death and Dying. It goes over how different religions and cultures deal with death, and we also go over ethical issues related to death (physician assisted death, euthanasia, pulling the plug on vegetables, etc). I hear the final project is to either write a big ol' research paper involving attendance in a hospital or old folks home, or get your final affairs in order. Yikes. I'm a bit wary about taking this class while pregnant... it would be super embarrassing to burst into tears or something equally emotional in the middle of class. I think I should be fine as long as we aren't watching any videos. Seems like conversation doesn't bother me and I don't think reading would bother me (reading is done outside of class anyway I think), but based on my recent movie-watching experience, videos might do me in.

Did I tell you about that? Yeah. We were watching Big Fish. I had already seen the movie, so I already knew what happened, but damn if I didn't start balling like a little kid twenty minutes before the end. Sobby hiccups and all. I was like WTF? I've seen this. Adventures in pregnancy.

Anyways, I'm out. Got stuff to do and all that. Happy October!

(Yes, the aspens do look like that here.)

~Sass~

ARRR, MATEY!

2009-09-19T09:48:00.007-06:00

It be talk like a pirate day again, me hearties! Last year was great fun, it was. Time fer another round o' drinks!

There be pirate news this year:

And pirates be plundering the social media:

MySpace
Facebook Group
Twitter
YouTube
Pyracy Pub
Bilge Monkey Blog

There even be a couple o' books to loot:

There be a whole list of online games here, savvy?

But if ye prefer real people, there be a game for that, too:

And o' course, I had to get me pirate on in WoW:

Don't forget them land-lubbin' unfortunates... there be a Walk Like a Pirate event for charity! (Only in the UK... sorry, yanks!)

Well, what are ye waiting for? Get to plunderin' ya dirty bilge rat!

Today's moment of ARRRRRR!!!!!:

Who wins? Pirates or Ninjas?

~Sass~

My Big Fat Greek Story

2009-09-18T09:04:00.004-06:00

Earlier this week I was at our college library perusing the books for sale and came across a book that didn't look like it was going to bore me to tears. (It's the book in the picture right there mmkay.)

This gave me an idea. Urban Fantasy is drowning in the three big F's -- fur, fangs, and fey. Werewolves, vampires, and so many damned fair folk it's enough to make someone want to stab out their eyeballs with a silver-coated wood-tipped lead stake. Magic users are vying for space on the shelves, Djinn are sneaking their way in as well, and other shape shifters of the non-wolf variety are doing anything they can to get attention.

Don't get me wrong, I like all of them, but there's a common theme there. It's called Northern Europe. Yeah, yeah, there are vampire myths from all over the world, but I'm pretty sure most people think of the Transylvanian variety. And let's face it, the popular werewolves are the kind in close proximity to said vampires. The only creatures you can't really pin to America or Northern Europe are the Djinn, and there aren't many of them.

The Mythology book caught my eye and lit one little flickering lightbulb in my head. There are almost no stories in UF about Greek-related mythology. In fact the only one I can think of off the top of my head is in the Young Adult section. Hi there, Percy.

I haven't read any of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians books. That's probably a good thing for now, because I won't unconsciously make a decision to insert all-too-familiar situations / people / creatures into my NaNo. But Percy is on my to-read list, so I'll read him after NaNo. I gotta read him soon anyway because they're making a movie and of course I'll see the movie.

Anyway, I did some preliminary internet searches to find some inspiration. Of particular interest are the Fates and the Furies. My initial guess is that any fiction with Greek mythology themes probably involve the Fates in some way. They seem like good writing fodder. (My thoughts immediately go to the old crones in the Disney movie Hercules.) Zeus, that manwhore, is more good story fodder, and I'll probably use him.

But how am I going to tie this to my current cast of characters?

I have some ideas. I'll let them stew for a few more days before I share.

Today's moment of zen:

~Sass~

Are You A Vampire or A Werewolf?

2009-09-16T10:51:00.005-06:00

Well, what are you?

Here are my results. Gee, what a surprise ;)

You Are a Werewolf

You are moody and easily provoked.
You are highly loyal and protective of those you love.

While you can be intense at times, you are generally a laid back person.
But if a fight comes your way, you will fight 'til the death if necessary.

You seem normal to most people. No one understands how different you can be.
It's like a switch flips for you sometimes - and then you're a completely different creature.

~Sass~

VICTORY IS MINE

2009-09-15T15:12:00.003-06:00

Who wrote three papers over the last five days? That's right. I DID. (And all for the same class... gah!)

Anyways, I had to share the happy happy joy joy, and now you all know why I disappeared for the week. The good news is that all of this crap is now done and I have next to nothing to do before next Tuesday, which is the final day of class for this five week course... which means I might actually have free time.

Yes, okay, I do still have my Intro to Statistics class that I need to study for, but that takes much less time than analyzing stuff for Global Business Issues. Let me tell you, it blows having a published author for a professor.

Today's moment of WTFLOL:

I'm Buying This T-Shirt

2009-09-09T08:57:00.002-06:00

... and wearing it to the office. Preferably on Halloween. Or the next movie release date.

Bloodlust

2009-09-06T19:51:00.002-06:00

If you're squeamish, turn back now.

Bloodlust
noun
"a desire for bloodshed"

This isn't the term I'm looking for. My villain has something a little more severe than bloodlust. It's an addiction... not to killing, per say. The blood excites her. Killing simply produces more blood and therefore more thrill, so she does that whenever possible. Think Mr. Brooks, only female and without the desire to stop killing. There has to be a term for it somewhere. Psychologists like making up those sorts of things.

My villain doesn't go around dressed in black with scary tattoos and a constant ill-tempered expression. She isn't frightening until the bloodlust shows. You couldn't pick her out of a crowd and say, "look, it's the killer! GET HER!" She isn't really cute and innocent looking either, though. Not a killer. Not a prom queen. Not the girl next door. Not the valedictorian. Attractive enough to get a date now and then but she's like the hero in that she isn't the most attractive thing in the area. Like all good villains she tries not to draw attention to herself.

But when the bloodlust hits, you know. She'll look at you like a vampire might -- she wants to bite you, lap up the blood, and play with you until you're no longer breathing. Vampires would envy the thrill she gets from blood. One of her fantasies is to pull an Elizabeth Báthory and bathe daily in the blood of her victims. Not that it's practical, but hey, a psychotic girl can dream.

The Villain spots Eric and she just knows... she wants him to be one of her victims. He's full of energy and life, a prime candidate for what she calls a "steaming bleeder." He's the most attractive thing she's seen in a very long time, and she almost gives herself away when she first meets him on a bus. Eric feels it even then. He knows something is wrong with her, but he doesn't know what, and he feels nauseous just from sitting next to her on the bus.

I should clarify that she's completely human. Oh, she might enlist some non-human help in her endeavor for that next thrill, in fact I'd count on it, but she is very much human.

And I get to spend time in her head to write this thing. I think I just freaked myself out.

Excuse me while I go take a shower.

Today's moment of !@#$:

~Sass~

The Sidekick

2009-09-04T11:52:00.000-06:00

Okay, I lied. We aren't doing The Villain today because I wasn't in the mindset and couldn't think of what evil person/thing would be a suitable match for Eric. Plus I'm too lazy right now to try and make up a motivation for said villain. So yeah. Sidekicks.

I'll leave out the brainstorming part that made me think of this, mostly because I'm using it in my outline, but I came up with what I thought was a pretty unique sidekick. Eric is going to run across a very distracted lady he nicknames Preggers, because well... hello, she's pregnant. (Gee, where did I get the inspiration for that one? Yes, I am that shameless. Don't look at me like that. This is for NaNo -- it's supposed to be easy to write, and I'm writing what I know, kthx.)

I don't have a name for her yet, but she's got pregnant 'tude to spare and is in deeper shit than anyone truly realizes. She's got reason to be involved in Eric's shenanigans, whatever they end up being. And no, she won't be the romantic interest. She's got a boyfriend. Sort of.

So what does she look like? Probably blonde. Not a natural blonde, I'm thinking, or she spiced up her dirty-blonde-ness with highlights. Keeps her hair pulled back out of her face because she sweats a lot. German nose, hazel eyes, short thick fingers, kind of stocky (she was stocky before the pregnancy). Prefers to wear flip-flops.

Now that I think of it, I do know who I want for a villain. But this post is already pretty long so I'll save it for tomorrow.

Today's moment of zen:

~Sass~

Nicknames

2009-09-02T08:17:00.002-06:00

I got it. This guy's name is Eric "the Ninja" Warczakoski.

That last name is quite a mouthful, eh?

Anyway, to "spice" up my nice guy a little bit, I've decided to give him a few quirks. One, he walks so quietly in his normal stride that most people don't hear him coming. It isn't usually on purpose, but hey, it's a great advantage.

Two, I've decided to make him an expert "street ninja" or "free runner," otherwise known as someone who does Parkour. That would definitely explain his arm strength, however I would also need to revise him a little bit to make sure he's got the abs to go along with them. I don't know about you but I don't think he'd have abs of flab if he regularly practiced things like scaling walls and jumping from building to building. His expert ninja self would also be prepared to tackle any obstacle thrown in his path, which is good considering I plan on throwing a LOT of things in his path. He'll be capable of doing some awesome things but I won't have to give him any superpowers to do so. I'm so tired of characters that suddenly come into their own mystical powers. It's too cheap.

Alright then, I have a nice guy with some very interesting hobbies. Still need to give him a job. Hell, maybe he'll just be laid off for now. That way I can simply ~~pull something out of my ass~~ think up a few past jobs of his.

At some point I also need to give him a best friend. Probably someone that's super ornery just to counter Eric's niceness. You know, the sort of guy that helps disassemble his high school principle's car and reassemble it on the roof of the school. That guy. I'm thinkin the best friend needs to be a Jeremy or something. Ya. I'll go with that.

Coming up on the next post...

The Villain.

Today's moment of !@#$:

~Sass~

Mystery Must-Haves

2009-08-27T21:13:00.003-06:00

I asked the good peeps over at AbsoluteWrite, and now I ask you...

Let's say one of your friends is interested in reading a mystery novel. You have ONE CHANCE to hand him/her your two favorite novels and convince him/her that mystery is The Best Genre Ever (tm). Being a good friend, you also want to make sure they don't accidentally pick up a book that you strongly dislike (for any reason).

1) What two books do you hand your friend?

2) What author(s) or specific book(s) do you tell them to avoid, if any?

Makes ya think, dunnit?

~Sass~

Hey, I Remember Him!

2009-08-27T07:38:00.002-06:00

My brainstorming yesterday lead me to go look up my NaNo from last year, and boy did I find a doozy. I completely forgot about David "Davey" Jones. His general complexion is about the same as this new guy I made up, but that's where the similarities end.

In this here blurb imma give you, Nikki Swank (I know, I know) is a PI in need of work and Davey Jones is a miracle dropped in her lap. He just showed up at her office. Check this guy out:

“What?” she yelled.

The person took that as permission to open the door. Mister tall, dark, and shirtless walked in, his keys still in his hands, breathing like he'd run all the way to the top of the building and back down again to her office. The nipple ring in his left nipple glimmered with the rapid rise and fall of his chest. His sweat-soaked hair was in his face and his loosely tied shoes seemed to be missing socks. His shorts were dirty and torn. Not impressed, was Nikki Swank. She set down her cigar and folded her hands on her desk.

“Sorry, the personal trainer is down the hall. She doesn't come in until ten, but I can call and leave a message for her if you like.”

The man paused and looked up from under his hair. He was swarthy, to be sure – his tan was very Mediterranean and his hair was pitch black – but his eyes were a very clear blue and he had sharp, hawkish features. Not bad. Not bad at all.

But he was still standing there shirtless in her office, and didn't look like he could afford her fees. He didn't even look like he could afford his own clothes. She waited for him to say something.

“This is Nikki Swank’s office, right?”

“That all depends on what you want and how much money you are willing to pay me to get it.”

“Fair enough.” He shut the door behind him and made himself at home in one of the guest chairs. Nikki waited for him to get settled. He did so, his elbows on his knees, that hair still in his face. He snapped his fingers and pointed at her. “I need you to find something for me.”

The dialogue between those two is really amusing. I'm very tempted to pick that up where it left off and keep going with it. That would leave my new guy in the dust, though. I'd feel guilty about that.

Decisions, decisions.

Today's moment of zen:
(sorry, the moment of zen comes with a commercial before it that cannot be avoided)

~Sass~

This Guy Needs A Name

2009-08-26T08:38:00.003-06:00

While I was putzing around this morning I had a thought -- this guy either needs to have some seriously razor-sharp wit, or he needs a healthy serving of sarcasm. If I make him sarcastic, it wouldn't be the watch-me-put-you-down kind, it would probably be more of a friendly teasing thing delivered with the grin of mischief. The thought of writing a witty character is really appealing, but that requires ME to be amazingly witty too, and that only happens when I'm not trying (and even then, not very often). Since I'd be trying to do it on purpose, I don't think it would work. So maybe I'll go with sarcasm.

And a name. Hooooooo-boy. This is difficult, because I can't even come up with a boy's name for my own baby (you know, in case it's a boy... of course I already have a girl's name picked out.)

He's not tall, dark, and handsome, so I can't use tall, dark, and handsome names. My dude is more like average height, somewhat dark, and mildly attractive. Average Joes need average names, methinks. No, I'm not using Joe. Or John. Or really anything that starts with a J.

I really have to tread carefully here. I don't want to pick a name I like, because I might use it for my own kiddo, but I don't want to resort to the number 354 most popular name of 2000-something or give him a cringe-worthy name like Deuteronomy. (Apologies for anyone who was gifted with this name or has a relative with this name. No offense, it's just... no.)

Age would probably help here. How old IS my dude? He's definitely out of college. He'd be out of graduate school too if he went, which I don't think he did. So... around 30, maybe? Hmm.

If you've got a spare name or three throw them my way!

Today's moment of zen:

~Sass~

His Dudeness, Part 2

2009-08-25T09:11:00.004-06:00

Continuing on with my brainstorming session...

This guy, my future hero, is down to earth. He's realistic. I'm also thinking he's got a great work ethic, which makes me think perhaps he's from somewhere in the midwest, although he's definitely not a cowboy kthx. Kickass jeans and a nice shirt kind of guy. No metro skinny jeans, no I'm-stuck-in-the-90s baggy jeans, no look-at-my-ankles jeans... maybe a nice pair of bootcuts? (although he doesn't wear boots) ... and I'm thinkin' he needs a nice ass. Heroes just need nice asses, you know? Maybe he used to play soccer. And if he played soccer, you KNOW he's got some sexy calves, too. Mmmm.

Okay, getting distracted.

I just had this image of him talking to a girl with his arms crossed. That'll be his nervous habit. Crossed arms = nervous, unsure, anxious, out of his comfort zone. That would really be his only indicator, though, since his response to stress is to talk himself out of it (whether talking to himself or someone else). So he'd smile, he'd talk, and he'd appear relaxed. Only people who knew him better would know the crossed-arms thing (or someone good at reading body language, which is not a large percentage of the population).

And in case you're wondering, he's got gorgeous brown eyes, black [straight] hair, and a light olive complexion. Bet at least one of you thought he had blue eyes, am I right?

Still need to give him an occupation, though. Hmm.

Today's moment of zen:

"Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not."

~Sass~

The Appearance Standard

2009-08-22T09:55:00.005-06:00

You'll have to read the previous section before this one makes sense. Go on, I'll wait.

*insert Jeopardy music here*

I asked you guys what images came to mind when you read over my brainstorming session. Now I'll ask you this -- what hair, eye, and skin color did you picture with those descriptions? Feel free to do a double-take on the previous post. Nowhere did I mention those details. I didn't omit the information on purpose, but then, when I was writing it, those minute details seemed obvious. Of course he's bleep-eyed and bleep-skinned. Didn't everyone picture him that way? And his bleep hair! He wouldn't look right if it wasn't bleep.

The question isn't as innocent as it seems.

Also, if I tell you he's going to be the hero of a romance novel, does that change your perception? What if I told you he would be in a mystery? Or an urban fantasy? Even I picture him a little differently in each genre.

So I'm curious -- what does my hero look like to you?

Today's moment of zen:

~Sass~

Brainstorming

2009-08-21T14:01:00.003-06:00

Since I can't seem to make myself sit down and write after work (or really do anything besides go into a coma in front of the TV), I'm going to take advantage of my mid-afternoon slump and brainstorm myself back to awakeness.

The goal here is to get something into preheat mode that will be properly warmed up for November. Obviously it doesn't have to be serious -- it just needs to exist. Feel free to pop in with suggestions or whimsical brain farts as you see fit.

I mentioned several months ago that I've never written from a guy's point of view. We'll start there, then. I have... a guy. This guy, I'm thinking, shouldn't be too tall. He needs to be closer to average size. Maybe 5'11" or an even six feet. This may seem tall to some of you but there are enough people in my family and people I work with that make six feet seem downright cute. Just for the sake of having a fun number I'll go with 5'11". He isn't overweight, but he wouldn't be featured in a calendar, either. I'll say he's got some nice arm muscle and abs that used to be a six pack.

Hmm. The abs aren't maintained but his arms are... what does he do for a living? Think I'll need to come back to that one.

Dude's got a bit of a nose. Not weirdly shaped, just not small. Larger than your average nose but it doesn't take over his face. Maybe some thick hair that just tends to lay flat. He doesn't use good shampoo or conditioner so it has no body. Thick eyebrows. Again, not weirdly shaped, just thick. I'm thinking the eyebrows and nose somehow amplify or accent his eyes. Nothing takes away from his face. Each of his features add to his character until his face is pleasantly expressive. He can wiggle his ears but he can't lift his eyebrows.

What are the teeth right next to the incisors? Those teeth face front in his mouth(they "stick out" even though they really don't). They don't conform to the shape braces would have given them. He's got one cap on a right molar. His smile is a hair shy of being too wide for his face, and he smiles often. It's infectious.

And he's single. He strikes me as a single guy. Dated a couple of bad eggs in the past and is now out of the college dating pool since he graduated like 5 years ago. Just never found that right girl. His friends haven't really set him up on any blind dates and he's had little luck on his own getting past a first or second date.

Our dude is sounding a little too nice. We need to give him some cahones. Something (or someone?) he's passionate about. He needs a button to push.

I'll think on it. In the mean time, let me know the images you got while I was describing His Dudeness.

Today's moment of zen:

Y Hallo Thar

2009-08-18T20:21:00.004-06:00

Erm. I sort of fell off the face of the planet for a while.

*cue fidgety embarrassed-ness*

I took a break from everything writing related, and apparently I needed it. I haven't blogged, twittered, forum-trolled, or even emailed people unless absolutely necessary. What I have done is take a lot of vacation, get a lot of house stuff done, and watch a lot of TV.

And oh yeah, I got pregnant.

^_^

Teh Sass will pop sometime mid-March. In the mean time I'm starting up night classes again for the fall semester. I'll get 3 classes done by the time November rolls around and be finished for the semester, which I hope will leave me enough time to crank out something for NaNo. I succeeded for 2007, bombed 2008, and intend to fly past the finish line for 2009. I'm not even going to pretend that I'll have the energy to do that, but the actual time I can at least finesse out of my schedule. I'm a writer, damn it. I'm supposed to be writing.

There it is then. I'm not going to say Teh Sass is back in the bloggosphere, but I'm not going to say she's gone again, either.

*cue dramatic fade-out*

Your Moment of Zen:

~Sass~

Ready... Set...

2009-05-16T08:28:00.002-06:00

Roadblock.

Okay, so I have a few months off of school and I'm supposed to have more time to write, right? Well not really. But I'm going to MAKE time, GDI, even if I have to pull an hour of sleep from my tired self. There is a weency problem, though.

What do I write about?

I'm supposed to be the one that answers that question. I know this. But I don't know what I'd want to write about that will hold my interest for 80-100k words, and I don't currently have any characters that are trying to beat their way outta my head. I spent three years with werewolves on the brain so I'd rather not repeat that, however it seems any time I think about writing my brain goes straight to my Kate story. I've decided it means I'm not done with it. It needs more love. I'm not ready to put more emotional effort into it, though. It's exhausting being in Kate's head and I'm frustrated with that story beyond belief. I need something fresh to work with.

So, werewolves are out. I'm not doing vampires because the market is saturated right now and even I'm getting a little tired of them (half the time I can't even take them seriously anymore. Thanks a lot, Meyer). I don't want to do demons as they don't hold my interest beyond an occasional read. Other shifters I'm sort of lumping in with werewolves. So in one fell swoop there goes the majority of the urban fantasy genre, and what's left for me to work with? Magic users. Meh. Guardians. Meh. (Although I have to say my Nasaru story from NaNo 07 was friggin' hilarious.)

Let's skip the creature feathers. Features. WTF with the Freudian slip? Been playing WoW for too long (I'm a Balance druid, which in form looks like an owlbear that can go pew pew. Go go laser turkey!). I do also have old stories with feathered hotnesses, but like I said, shifters are out for me right now, and anyway some other really awesome author I know is coming out with her first two books that involve feathery hotness, and I don't want to hitch a ride on her bandwagon just yet.

ANYWAY. Enough with the sidetracks. So if I'm skipping the thought of creature features for now, I suppose I better just find a character personality that suits me and write about him/her to see what hits the page. Don't think I've written anything in a dude's point of view yet so maybe I'll try that. Of course he'd have to be a complete asshole because goody-two-shoes aren't that fun to write about (to me)(unless they suddenly become bad guys which is kind of cliche).

A dude, then. I'll work with that. Let me roll that one around for the day and see if I can come up with an appropriately asshole-ish name.

~Sass~

Cold Fire

2009-05-11T13:00:00.002-06:00

Cold Fire by Dean Koontz

I thought I saw the ending to this one coming from a mile away (and actually groaned aloud like "really, koontz? really?"), but thank God I was Wrong with a capital W. I never really got into Dean Koontz before because I started with a different story of his that I just didn't like. Nothing wrong with his writing in the other book, I just didn't like the story. Kind of like I don't do chick flicks (but love romance novels... figure that one out). There's nothing inherently wrong with chick flicks. I just don't tend to enjoy them as much as other types of movies. It was the same with the first book I read of Koontz's -- just didn't dig the story.

This book, however, hooked me. I *love* the dialogue. Not a lot of male fiction authors get that dialogue thing down to a point where I'm smirking as I read (which is why a lot of female authors adorn my shelves) but Koontz did it in this book. And I'm beginning to see the buzz about his ability to sustain suspense. He had me turning pages to a point where I blinked and went woah, hold on, that one event was like 80 pages? No way! This thing hit me like the multi-genre force of nature it really was. I finished the book and I shit you not my first thought was "okay when are they making the movie?" Lo and behold, the afterword had a blurb about that which was FRIGGIN HILARIOUS. (((this is the start of the spoilery part that I'm going to put in black text so you don't read it by accident)))

Turns out they have a script ready to go, they're just waiting on the right person to get the movie going. He's held up because ((SPOILERY SPOILER ALERT)) all the directors keep telling him "but what if there really WERE aliens in the well?" to which I was mentally shouting BE GONE DEMON HOLLYWOOD PERSON. GET THEE TO THE NEAREST PIT OF FIRE. Mostly because that was what made me groan about the book in the first place. Aliens, Koontz? Really? Are we really going there? But no, it was not aliens, and the Sass was pleased. The people rejoiced. And some fifteen years later there is still no movie because all the directors have the same "original" idea to actually put aliens in a story where there are none. Good job, Hollywood people. Way to be original.

Maybe Koontz should send his stuff to JJ Abrams. I bet JJ wouldn't frigging stick aliens in a story where there are none.

Anyways, peace out. Buy yourself this book and have at it. It's a good read.

~Sass~

Swine Flu - Preventative Measures

2009-05-01T08:51:00.003-06:00

Don't do this.

That is all.

~Sass~

Denial Is A River In Egypt

2009-04-15T10:33:00.003-06:00

My husband found this one earlier:

I'm concerned that my son has a secret girlfriend?
(posted approx 4 months ago)

My 17 year old son has been very secretive with me lately, recently he has started to refuse to go to church with the family and tonight when I was going through his room I found a magazine with naked men in it. He obviously has a girlfriend that he is hiding from me that brought that magazine into my home and I am afraid they are having intercourse and I am greatly concerned that he is going to get her pregnant.

What should I do about this?

Additional Details
He is not a homosexual, we have taught him from the bible and he has learned though our church that this is not in God's plan. I will not teach him about condoms, that is unacceptable, we have always taught him about abstinence and that is what God and his future wife expects from him.

I want to speak to our pastor about this but I am very afraid of what he would think we are teaching our son if he things we are allowing him to sneak a girl into his bedroom. That is clearly inappropriate and we are good parents, I am very afraid what he will think of us.

Hilarity ensues.

~Sass~

Manscaping

2009-04-13T06:31:00.000-06:00

I LOL'd this morning when one of the radio morning show peeps started talking about "manscaping"... I guess his wife wanted a guinea pig for waxing purposes and they volunteered the other morning show guy. It's common these days for men to do more traditional girly stuff like waxing, but I hadn't heard that term before. Manscaping. LOL. Had to share :)

Speaking of, my husband recently turned down an offer to do a little waxing himself. He'd probably be embarrassed for me to talk about it but that makes it more fun right? (Love you, sweety!) Basically, my hubby is a big ol' sack of testosterone -- dude's got some serious hair like everywhere. Sort of like a blond Robin Williams. Or David Hasslehoff.

...Okay maybe not quite that bad, but he's pretty hairy. Anyway our roommate almost talked him into waxing his back but he backed down last minute because he didn't feel it was worth $40. *I* feel it's worth $40. He gets so friggin' itchy all the time with all that hair. Somehow, some way, he will be talked into "manscaping."

In other news, I finally bought some bookcases. I thought maybe two of the five-shelf bookcases would be sufficient, but alas... that only got me through the letter L (I was going alphabetical). We went out and bought a third five-shelf bookcase and the rest of the books fit perfectly. There's wiggle room on each shelf for the inevitable additions, plus I made a list of books I was missing as I put stuff away, so there's room for the missing books, too. I'm missing about 10 that I know of, and that's only because they were parts of series. There could be some missing singles but of course I won't realize that until I want to read it and go "now wait a minute, where is that book? I know I have it here somewhere..."

Also got a good workout yesterday while we were cleaning out the garage. Today is free large item pickup day, so we dragged everything and the kitchen sink out to the sidewalk to be picked up. Lotta garage stuff -- "workbenches" that were old kitchen cabinets with old doors on the top that functioned as "desk" space, an old lawnmower that crapped out, the shower we tore out of the lower level bathroom, miscellaneous pieces of wood, couple of tree branches, etc. It was a pretty impressive pile. And now our garage can maybe accommodate (gasp!) a second car. Scandalous, I tell you. Just scandalous.

Anyway I need to get to work. TTFN!

Today's nostalgic "Good Idea, Bad Idea":

Good Idea: Taking a deep breath before jumping into a swimming pool.
Bad Idea: Taking a deep breath after jumping into a swimming pool.

~Sass~

Goals, I Has Dems

2009-04-07T06:58:00.000-06:00

Heh. Okay, that was a much longer delay than I really wanted between posts. Something about distractions and lack of internet for an entire evening... anyway, as promised, I'm trying to post on a regular basis again!

Today's "hmm" moment: for the first time since January I'm reading a new book. This may not seem like the triumph of a century, but after cutting "unnecessary" things from my budget (which includes trips to the bookstore) I've been stuck either re-reading whatever I could get a hold of (not much when all my books are packed in the basement still), or going without. Mostly going without due to school work. And this really shouldn't surprise me anymore, but I feel so much more relaxed when I can read for entertainment. I'm able to forget the rest of the world for a few hours and bury myself in imagination. This strengthens my resolve to read the 30+ books this year.

So let's see... what goals can I give myself for April? And May. Probably need to think about that one ahead of time too. I did so well with the Jan/Feb goals that I want to keep doing it. Any suggestions?

~Sass~

I'M BACK. No, really!

2009-04-01T19:54:00.006-06:00

This ain't no April Fools joke, kids. The Bioche is back! School is no longer kicking my ass quite as hard as it was and I am slowly finding time in my schedule to do things like... well, blog. Or, you know, breathe. And sleep.

But hey -- great news!

As of Feb 27th we have... A SADIE. What is a Sadie? you ask. She's a sweet 65lb 1 yr and 8 mo old Shepherd-Collie mix is what she is! The cuteness is unbelievable. We adopted her from the Boulder Humane Society because we're just good people like that. No pictures yet though because I'm a slacktard, but I promise I'll try to get some loaded for you guys to "awww!" at soon. There is one pic on my husband's Facebook for those of you that happen to have him friended, but out of my usual reader base (you know, all 20 of you that used to come here) I think only one of you even has me on Facebook. Anyway, you shall have pictures. Check back in a few to see if I've added any. (u like wot I did thar? hee!)

Also have to send a shout out to Kelly Meding -- you are rocking that new book cover! Let me know when I can spill and post a pic on here. Also, everyone else should put Three Days to Dead on their to-read list when it comes out in October. DO IT. Do it or I shall show up at your house and eyeball you a lot. Like this. (Yes, that is me. Yes, I realize I have the frizzy hair of doom.)

Dang. I haven't done this in so long I've lost my flow. I was logging in here to come make a post of awesome and joy, however I think I'll leave you guys with this brief update and try again tomorrow morning. Oh! Wait, that was it. I forgot to tell you guys... my nightowlness is shifting itself to be severe early morning instead of "late night." I've found if I hit the sack at 9:30 (that's early for the person that usually goes to bed between 11 and midnight) then I can get up at 4am and have some serious concentration time. I love it. Two hours to myself without anyone else being awake, it's still dark so I still feel like it's middle of the night, and I'm not brain fried from being at work all day. The state of mind at that time in the morning is fantastical. It's just... wow. I wish I had converted sooner. I may have even found a new time to try and pound out a few thousand words on that new stuff I promised I'd write this year.

So, I shall leave you with my goal updates and be back tomorrow. Stay tuned! And if you need an update before that because you just can't wait, you can always check Twitter. Or seek professional help. Whichever works for you!

~*GOAL UPDATES*~

Long-term Stuff:
-- Make healthier eating choices. Considering what we spend on food we're not doing too badly. If we were spending the extra money we could be eating uber healthy, but right now we're kind of doing the budget thing, so yeah.
-- Plan / outline / brainstorm at least one complete novel. Slackerific the Slacktastic Slackness, that's my name now. To my credit though I've been hella busy with school and things so it's not entirely my fault. Right? Am I right?
-- Write said planned novel in three months. Pending previous goal.
-- Be active at least three days out of the week. Well, due to the new addition (Sadie!) we've been out walking at least once a day. This one is going strong and showing no signs of stopping!
-- Stick to the budget. We're actually doing so well on this one that my husband now bitterly calls us misers. Sir Spend A Lot is making more adjustment than he wants to, I think. Meanwhile I'm all proud of myself for living like the stereotypical writer ^_^
-- Find a second renter. Bit the bullet and joined Roommates.com. It's only been one day so far so I'm trying not to be too eager to get responses, but damn, every time I get those silly "you have another match!" emails I get all excited thinking it's someone that emailed me.
-- Finish one of two bathrooms. Got ourselves a curved double rod for the upstairs bathroom and are now using it. This is because we had to tear out the downstairs bathroom due to an un-reparable leak in the base... and now we get to rebuild it. Woo.
-- Take a two week vacation. Still don't know what to do with my remaining vacation. Pondering a drive back to KC to see the folks. Yes, I did just use that word. I am not old fashioned, I swear... I'm just from the midwest. kthx.
-- Read 30 books. I read Kelly Meding's As Lie The Dead and Carla Harker's Lethal Lies. Since then I've also devoured Scott Westerfield's Uglies and Pretties, with his other two on my to-read list. That's um... not much of an improvement since January. But, I am currently reading Kim Harrison's The Good, The Bad, and The Undead. That will be 5 down, 25 to go... I've got time!

Short-Term Stuff:
I got nothin. Any suggestions? Maybe I'll make a list tomorrow during my lunch break.

Today's nostalgic "Good Idea, Bad Idea":

Good Idea: Tossing a penny into the fountain to make a wish.
Bad Idea: Tossing your cousin Penny into the fountain to make a wish.

~Sass~

Pre-VD Day Celebration

2009-02-13T20:13:00.003-07:00

I'm interrupting this very unintentional and totally sucky blog silence to bring you...

2 HOT GIRLS IN THE SHOWER #23
"Valentines Day Surprise"

Yes, it really is that awesome. (And yes, it is safe for work and kiddies.)

And it gets better... notice that was #23. There's at least 22 more of those suckers waiting to be watched!

If anyone needs me I'll be on the floor wheezing with laughter. Bring me an inhaler though, would you? I might need it in case I stop breathing.

~Sass~

In Which Reality Punches Me In The Face

2009-01-27T16:08:00.000-07:00

But first, updates!

Long-term Stuff:
-- Make healthier eating choices. Much fail. On the bright side, a lot of the unhealthy stuff is being eaten or purged from the house, so now I'll have more room to buy and store healthy stuff.
-- Plan / outline / brainstorm at least one complete novel. Will pluck one of the ideas out of my head to use by the 1st.
-- Write said planned novel in three months. Pending previous goal.
-- Be active at least three days out of the week. Currently failing, but due more to omgbusy than laziness (mostly). I haven't given up on this one.
-- Stick to the budget. Well, friend that came to visit paid for damn near everything this weekend (we will get you for that, sir!), so we saved a ton of money there and are on track so far.
-- Find a second renter. Still actively searching. Anyone need to rent a room in the greater Denver area??
-- Finish one of two bathrooms. Still not high on the list of priorities, although I want to at least get the curved shower rod up so we can use the upstairs bathroom again.
-- Take a two week vacation. July vacation approved at work. huzzah! Now, what to do with those other 3 weeks...?
-- Read 30 books. I read Kelly Meding's As Lie The Dead and Carla Harker's Lethal Lies. Two down, 28 more to go!

January Stuff:
-- Beta Project, first five pages x3 entries (due by Jan 24) DONE. /win
-- crit Kelly Medding's book 2 DONE. /win
-- crit DA's Lethal Lies DONE. /win
-- get to level 80 (no, I'm not there yet) DING on 01-15. /win
-- clean up my work file down to 20 days past due Working on this. Looks ossim so far.
-- purge one box of basement junk a week Still debating on whether I want to pay double the price for a shelf that doesn't look like someone's used furniture, so those 7 boxes of books are still in the box. Might try to grab hubby and go through 4 non-book boxes this weekend.

Surprisingly on track so far. Dis makes me happy.

On the not so happy side, I feel like I'm going to be butting heads with my new supervisor on a regular basis. Department reorganized itself, I've been put on a new team, and new super has an entirely different leadership style than my current one. The new teams don't take effect until Feb 2nd and already I've annoyed her. Huzzah. (She's a strong personality. I'm a strong personality. She likes to micro manage. I have issues with authority. We don't meet well in the middle. Heh.) Already I was not happy to come into work this morning after my 4 day weekend of happiness and joy, so the headbutting didn't improve the mood.

Also, I have vowed to fix the fact that I have very few really fun weekends, because it sucks realizing how little I actually get them on days like today when ending said fun weekend feels like I just chopped off an appendage. It actually made me kind of cranky to start my work week. While I dislike my current carrier path, I don't normally walk into work snarling simply because I have to be in the office, and that's what happened this morning, hence the title of this post. Over the weekend I put everything aside to have fun and as payback reality pulled an ambush and bitch slap maneuver. Then my homework went RAR STABBY and let me know it was still there, too, and why wasn't I doing it, GDI?

Reality sucks sometimes. Good thing I'm a writer, eh? All this emotion stuff is good fuel for the writing fire. Maybe I can use it to power myself through planning and first draftness.

Today's nostalgic "Good Idea, Bad Idea":

Good Idea: Ordering a chili dog to go.
Bad Idea: Ordering a chili dog that makes you go.

~Sass~

Skool and Updates

2009-01-15T09:33:00.000-07:00

Time for me to start a new semester today. (I'm doing night classes, for those who don't know. Gotta keep up this whole day job thing to pay the bills!) My brain actually decided I needed to start the semester on Monday. I showed up at the right room at the right time... on the wrong day. Somehow I got it into my head that my classes met on Mondays, not Thursdays, and I was appropriately facepalming my own behavior. So basically I spent the whole day fretting over nothing (because I didn't have my first night assignment done)(three days later I still don't have it done, actually, but I didn't tell you that and you didn't read it. kk?).

In other news, I've tried my hand at Colleen Lindsay's query contest. 140 characters including spaces, which is damn hard, I have to say. I'm entry #12.

Things get hairy for a college student when she has rebound sex with a werewolf and becomes the first alpha female in... well, ever.

Looking back on it, I probably should have shortened it and put things like "UF 82k" at the end or some such other query-like thing. I took it more as a pitch request and did my best to cast the line and hope I hooked her interest. I was pretty confident when there were less than 20 entries. Now there's over 200 and I'm going holy shit there's some good stuff in there! At this point I'll just have to say good luck to the contestants and an early congrats to the winners, whoever they'll be! (And thanks Colleen for hosting the contest! It was fun!)

Gotta keep the post a bit short today 'coz I'm supposed to be working. Or something. So, real quick, I'll update yoos guys on my goal progress! (So exciting!)

Long-term Stuff:
-- Make healthier eating choices. Um... I'll get back to you on that one when there isn't leftover pizza sitting out on our counter. I mean what?
-- Plan / outline / brainstorm at least one complete novel. Brainstorming is happening. No notes yet though.
-- Write said planned novel in three months. Pending previous goal.
-- Be active at least three days out of the week. I have today, tomorrow, and Saturday. There's still time!
-- Stick to the budget. $20 a piece to come out of mine and hubby's paychecks tomorrow for the saving of money and things. Short term, we're good. Long term, however...
-- Find a second renter. Actively searching. Anyone need to rent a room in the greater Denver area??
-- Finish one of two bathrooms. Not high on the priorities atm.
-- Take a two week vacation. 7 day Alaska cruise in July has been BOOKED! (Yes, I know, that pretty much destroys the budget goal. But hey, hubby has 2 months off paid due to severance and you only live once. Plus, OMG, we paid $569 a person for the MIDDLE OF JULY on an Alaskan cruise. Hellooooo discounts!)
-- Read 30 books. I've read Kelly Meding's second book. Does that count? Why yes, yes it does! One down, 29 more to go!

January Stuff:
-- Beta Project, first five pages x3 entries (due by Jan 24) Not started yet. Will tomorrow (tonight is class from 6-10pm).
-- crit Kelly Medding's book 2 DONE. /win
-- crit DA's Lethal Lies Tomorrow along with the 3 entries. (I still owe you cookies, DA, coz I suck)
-- get to level 80 (no, I'm not there yet) Play time? What play time?
-- clean up my work file down to 20 days past due Working on this. Pwnt a bunch of purchase orders the other day. Significantly reduced overdue stuff.
-- purge one box of basement junk a week We can purge 7 if we buy some damn bookshelves, but the ones that don't look like ass are [relatively] expensive!

What about you guys? You sticking to your guns? Gave up already? How's the writing going? Spill!

~Sass~

Stuff I'd Like To Do

2009-01-12T09:49:00.001-07:00

So here's what I'd like to try this year. These are NOT new year's resolutions. Why? Because if I make them new year's resolutions, they won't get done. I did, however, include some non-optional stuff on this list just to kind of throw it out there and make myself accountable to the intarwebz at large. We'll see if it works.

For 2009 I want to:

Make healthier eating choices. Note that this does not translate into "Diet"... while I love organizing things and figuring out schedules, planning meals, etc, I tend not to follow them once I've worked them out. Me and schedules, we don't keep up with each other. Also, if I eat a completely unhealthy meal or six I can't beat myself up for breaking my "Diet" and therefore can't feel defeated and give up on it. Instead I can simply shrug it off and do better on the next meals. (Yes, I actually do have to play these mind games with myself. It works though... with the exception of Christmas I did really well on this "plan" the last two months or so.)

Plan / outline / brainstorm at least one complete novel. I originally set this as my three month plan (to start in December and be complete by beginning of March) but seeing as December fell under that holy-shit-busy category I didn't get it started. I don't want to give up on it though, so I'm going to shift that goal up a bit and shoot for Feb / Mar / Apr as my plan time. Which will be followed by...

Write said planned novel in three months. Combined with the previous plan this means have a completed draft zero in about six months. For some of you this seems easy, however I'm a lazy ass that moves at about turtle speed when it comes to writing, so for me this is pretty ambitious. I'm really gonna try not to beat myself up if I don't make this goal. I mean, if it takes me seven months then it takes me seven months. I don't meet the goal but hey I finished it, right?

Be active at least three days out of the week. Notice I didn't say "go to the gym" or "do a few sessions of Tae Bo." I decided not to be specific after having spent an entire week painting our house and moving major pieces of furniture around (in prep for and after the carpet install). It feels like I spent too long at the gym, and my back muscles are now tight enough that my lower back and hips are screaming at me to stretch something. This, I think, counts as being "active" since it was at least an hour of movement / lifting / whatever each day. For future weeks I'll try to find something else to do such as go for a walk or try my hand at one of the classes our gym offers (yoga, pilates, etc). It'll be easier when summer comes -- we love to hike on the weekends.

Stick to the budget. We've made one... now we need to follow it. We've also made an agreement that come hell or high water we want to put aside $20 a week for savings (to later have for either play money or emergencies if current savings somehow runs out). Doing it in small increments like that means it doesn't seem so overwhelming, and if hubby and I each do it, that means we can save $40 a week, or roughly $160 a month, which translates into about $960 by the time he gets laid off (hubby was given like 9 months notice that his last day would be July 1, 2009. Hooray company buyouts and reorgs.)

Find a second renter. We didn't want to do this, especially with a newly finished basement that we want to use as an entertainment room (hello home theatre and/or game night room!). However, do to the looming layoff and some extra bills that need to be paid down or paid off by then, we have to say goodbye to our extra room and stick another renter in it. Hubby is going back to school and can't hold a full time job during that time period (nursing school) so we need the extra income. Not even "want." We need it. Sigh.

Finish one of two bathrooms. Because having two crappy 1980s bathrooms with the hubby and 1-3 renters is just not going to cut it. The downstairs bathroom hasn't been updated since the house was built in 1978 and the upstairs one has carpet (with the original brown and orange 1978 laminate under it) and unpainted walls (because one of the very first things we did was rip off all the wallpaper and slap some mud on there. Yes really, there was carpet and wallpaper in the upstairs bathroom. WTF).

Take a two week vacation. Technically, I get three weeks a year plus 10 holiday days, a floating holiday, and 5 sick days. Also, since we were bought out by Staples, all of our accumulated sick/holiday time will be converted to vacation days as of July 1 because Staples doesn't allow year-to-year rollover. Use it or lose it by Dec 31. Since I've never before taken a consecutive two week vacation, I want to do it this year.

Read 30 books. This seems pretty easy on the outset -- I mean, I'm a bookworm. I read a book a night if given the chance. But then I take into account the fact that last year I only read like 10-15 books (not counting school related ones) and suddenly that 30 books looks a little more challenging (especially when I remember that we're now on a choke-hold budget).

So yeah. That's what I want to do this year. I'm sure I'll think of more things I want to do but for now I'll stick with that. I'll start putting a little counter at the end of my posts once I start the writing stuff to let you all know where I'm at with this whole goal thing.

And, real quicklike, here's the stuff I want (or have) to do this month:
-- Beta Project, first five pages x3 entries (due by Jan 24)
-- crit Kelly Medding's book 2
-- crit DA's Lethal Lies
-- get to level 80 (no, I'm not there yet)
-- clean up my work file down to 20 days past due
-- purge one box of basement junk a week

What are you guys up to this year? This month? Is anyone else as busy as I am?

~Sass~

The Week In LOLs

2009-01-08T12:20:00.001-07:00

Porn Industry Seeks Federal Bailout
While this is actually a serious article, and I love the statement they're sending to DC, it still gives me much lulz.

Flynt and Francis concede the industry itself is in no financial danger — DVD sales have slipped over the past year, but Web traffic has continued to grow.

But the industry leaders said the issue is a nation in need. "People are too depressed to be sexually active," Flynt said in the statement. "This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex."

Customer reviews "The Secret"
Prisoner finds answers in a self help book... but not in the way you think!

Hair Spray Goes Where?
Yeah. Really. This happened... and there's an x-ray pic to prove it.

"She was very embarrassed. She was clearly in a lot of pain, however it got there."

"This was not just a little can of deodorant, this was a massive can of hairspray," said one hospital worker.

Do You Know How Fast You Were Driving, Son?
Sometimes this shit just can't be made up. Most of the lulz come from the fact that he was driving to a city named Darwin in a fashion that could have resulted in him earning a Darwin Award.

Brenton Alan Erhardt, 39, pleaded guilty in the Darwin Magistrates Court to dangerous driving.

He was pulled over by police on the Stuart Highway in July speeding at 147 kilometres per hour, south of Daly Waters.

He admitted to officers he filmed himself masturbating while driving from Adelaide to Darwin.

He also pleaded guilty to driving unlicensed, carrying two cannabis smoking pipes, administering the drug and carrying a loaded rifle.

Scalzi Discovers the Wii
And much laughter ensues.

3. Wii Sports also makes me intensely competitive, I think largely because I hate to lose to anything that looks like the armless dudes that come in Tonka trucks. When I’m playing the tennis game after a long volley which I finally win, I flip off the computerized opponets during the slow motion replay. Take that, Tonka dude.

~Sass~

Been There, Done That, Blew It Up

2009-01-07T10:05:00.001-07:00

Buh-bye, 2008!

Everyone else is doing a /reflection post for 2008, so I suppose I need to get my butt in gear and do one for myself, too. So what happened this last year, and did it suck major arse or did it rock my world beyond belief?

Both, actually. Let's go have a look-see!

January - Two blizzards. One dinky car trying to drive in them. A visit from the folks. Over 20 houses toured in the search for the Bioche residence. Lots of noise about "omgrecession!" and what that means for us 'mairkins (doesn't look like that's changed much, does it?). Now that I look at it, that was a great big sign from the heavens that 2008 was going to be friggin' crazy.

February - We bought a house! Holyshitweboughtahouse. Let me tell you, buying a house is a great big reality check. We learned very quickly what we could and could not afford. And we didn't realize exactly how much stuff we needed for the house until we went to go do things like mow the lawn and oh yeah we don't have a lawn mower. Also, we have too much shit (and it's STILL sitting in the basement).

March - I don't remember March, and that's probably a good thing. I think we unpacked some stuff and made a list of all the things we wanted to do with the house. Heh. Oh wait! We bought our kickass bed that month. It's totally an old person's bed with the adjusting of the head and feet and the vibrating massage stuff. Srsly, you need to get yourself one of these beds. My sleep, it has improved.

April - I dove into revisions on my draft zero / one (however you like to count that) and actually managed to revise chapter 1. Yes -- it did, in fact, take me all month long to revise that damn thing. The frustration levels were high. It was rather discouraging.

May - I started this blog! Poor thing is still in it's infancy, but hey, I'm working on it. I think this was also the start of the really weird weather. Lotta tornados, earthquakes, and coldness abounded throughout the northern hemisphere. Like I said, 2008 was gonna be crazy, and as of that point it lived up to that prediction.

June - The beginning of "wtf is this election over yet?" The media went crazy with things like Obama's fist bump and Rachel Ray's scarf. It was a pretty ridonkulous time in the media. We also had two of our friends get hitched (MWAH Kevin and Caroline!) and I managed to offend the entirety of my in-laws, which still makes me wince. (Note: do not blog about your family's drama.)

July - Gamer friend had his appendix out. Five days later the hubby had his appendix out. Friggin everyone had their appendix out. We also had a huge hot streak (20+ days without moisture I think) and we found out exactly how much it sucks to not have air conditioning. We do have a swamp cooler from the previous owners, but it isn't mounted on anything and we sure as hell weren't sticking it up against a window in the den to moisturize all of our electronics. That was also when our poor backyard turned into a jungle. (Now it's a winter-dead jungle.)

August - I swear to God, it damn near snowed. I have never in my life experienced such cold weather in what is supposed to be the hottest month of the year. The hell happened to global warming, anyway? This was also the month that I bit the bullet and enrolled to go back to skool, and also the month that everyone was like "under-aged Chinese gymnasts? wtf?" and much outrage ensued. Also... Sarah Palin? Really? I think, seriously, that 2008 was the year of drama.

September - The stock market crashed like an alcoholic on a bender. Back then that was shocking. Onoes, the banks are gonna implode on themselves! Onoes, there goes all our money! Quick, let's bail out those banks because it wasn't their fault they were idiots about lending and let's not hold them accountable for any of their spending with our tax money! Onoes onoes onoes! Yeah, I'm not bitter. Like I said, 2008: Year of Drama.

October - I turned 25 and became uber stressed with time management. Honestly, that's about it. I think the stock market crashed some more and some other banks went under but we didn't bail them out... I think they were bought up by bigger, healthier banks. The republican party continued to nosedive in the election. Husband was informed he was being laid off and his last day will be July 1, 2009 (with appropriate retention bonus and severance package, of course). Oh wait, that's when I got my super cute haircut! See, I knew there was something positive in there. (And I still love this haircut!)

November - Started and puttered out in NaNoWriMo. Didn't have the energy, creativity, or time to pursue the goal. My mind was a creative dust bowl. Owens Corning continued to be teh suck but at least our basement was finished. We did, however, finally put an end to 1.5 years of intense election coverage (and 8 years of leading the nation by "gut feelings" instead of logic)! Woo hoo! By this point the stock markets were fluctuating like a bipolar roller coaster and we considered hundreds of points in drops or rises "the norm." Go go apathy.

December - Stress. Seriously, that was most of December. And as predicted, once the banks got a bailout everyone else wanted one too, including the 'tards in the auto industry that felt they needed to fly out on their private jets to ask for money to save their businesses. Ya rly. On a happier note, my little sis got engaged! GRATZ SHESHNEE! (Stephanie) I've got until summer 2010 to whip my butt into shape for the wedding. Gotta look good for pictures, yannow.

And what did I do for new years? Hung out with my husband and sister and watched Pirates of the Caribbean. We paused the movie long enough to watch the ball drop and then we went back to the movie. Mucho relaxation.

Now that it's 2009, however, it looks like the year is going to be holy shit busy. Not crazy, not so far, but busy, yes. I hardly have time to breathe these days. We've got a plan to pay down the bills before the hubby gets laid off, we've got a plan to get stuff done to the house, we've got a plan (or at least good intentions) to get healthier, I've got a plan to tackle my total lack of writing, I've got a plan to get caught up at work now that half our team has been dismissed due to layoffs... busy, busy, busy.

I've also got a plan to deal with stress management, because I don't know if you all have noticed but I've been on emotional and hormonal ups and downs throughout the year and I'm tired of it. In the last couple of months my coping skills have started to fail me. The Sass does not like to fail when she can help it, so she's going to be all over that stress management thing like gamers at a LAN party and emerge victorious in the land of personal well-being.

I will pwn 2009. Oh yes, I will.

~Sass~

I'm alive!

2009-01-03T00:56:00.003-07:00

I swears it!

Short post. Just wanted to let you guys know I didn't fall off the face of the earth or anything. Moar posts coming when I'm not busy doing things like painting every room in the house this weekend.

Hope you guys had a happy new year! BBS!

~Sass~

THIS is a Library!

2008-12-23T08:42:00.003-07:00

I cannot express to you the sheer levels of omgIwantthissobad.

In case you're wondering, this is Jay Walker's library. His PERSONAL library. Additional info and pictures (omg the pictures!) can be seen in this article. As someone coming from a long line of bookworms, I have an overwhelming urge to make a religious pilgrimage to this library and gaze upon its wondrous beauty.

What? You think I'm kidding? Look at it. That is the Garden of Eden for writers and book lovers everywhere. If there was an entrance fee to view or tour it I would shell that out in a heartbeat.

Excuse me while I go drool at the pictures some more.

~Sass~

Owens Corning

2008-12-22T12:20:00.000-07:00

So, as some of you may know, the hubby and I decided to take the plunge and have some work professionally done. Considering we are (were) in a good position to take on some expense and also considering if we did this ourselves it would take years (I'm not kidding, we move at snail's pace with repairs / remodels / painting), we decided it would be worth it to pay someone else to do some of the shit that needs done to the house.

Fast forward -- we got Owens Corning to agree to finish our basement and re-carpet the entire house because their product, it impresses us. They promised to get the permits and build everything to code. They contracted out for someone to do the 4 foot egress window (because otherwise it won't pass inspection as an actual room), contracted someone else to install the steel framing in the basement and put together the actual Owens Corning product (it isn't drywall), had those same people do the wiring for the basement, and contracted out a third party for the carpet. We said what the hell, as long as we're carpeting the basement, we'll re-carpet the whole house. Personally, I'd like to not have 3 different types and colors of nasty carpet, so I felt this was a good move.

The Deal: We agreed to be on a flex plan of sorts, where if someone canceled or had to postpone their building job we could be bumped forward or back on their schedule. We agreed to do showings with our basement for Owens Corning to get a further discount, got a promotional deal for a TV, and received some cash back thanks to the selling abilities of the sales person. On the two loans we had to get (one bank was stingy and didn't want to finance more than the window job) we managed to have them postpone the payments for a year (which, according to budget, is ossim because we could have paid most of them off before they came due and thus avoided interest). Really kick-ass deal. Even the contractors were impressed (that's later in this story).

OUR ISSUES

Problem #1 - the sales lady who did the design for the basement was not invited out when the basement guy came to check out the job, so he had no idea WTF was going on and had to be informed later. Fine, we were warned this might happen. Apparently the sales lady doesn't always get called in when the project guy does. Half a day's time off used for work.

Problem #2 - We saw this as a good thing at first. Someone needed to postpone their project, so we were going to get our basement done 2 months ahead of schedule. Woo! Guy shows up to check it out... "I can't start until the window is done." Apparently they were supposed to schedule the window guy to come in at some point, which we weren't aware of, and it didn't happen. Guy forgot his cell phone so he went back into the office to see if the window guy was going to be there today. Guy never calls back. Basement postponed back to original time frame. I have now wasted another 2/3 of a day out of work. We now have remnants of basement demolition taking up half of our garage (we were promised a dumpster, which doesn't come until the basement guys are ready to do their basement thing. Insert 2 more months of messy garage here).

Problem #3 - 2 to 4 weeks after the above incident, we get a call from Owens Corning asking if our window had been done yet. There was much confusion, because no, it wasn't done yet, and we didn't know someone was supposed to be out to do it. Had we missed a phone call and a visit? No, because no one ever called us. Two days after this confused conversation with Owens Corning we get a call AT SIX O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING from the window guy (make a note, this is from the contractor, not Owens Corning): "Hi, I hope they told you I was coming today, because I'll be there at 7."

--_--

So, window gets done on time and it's a great job. First thing that's gone right so far. Huzzah, the happiness has started with the basement. Too bad the rest of it won't be done for another few weeks. We're a little peeved with Owens Corning's service. Or complete lack thereof. The window guy is not surprised, and his silence at our comments tells much more than actual words.

Problem #4 - Three days before the rest of the basement is scheduled to be done, Owens Corning calls on a Friday evening: "So we just want to double check that the steel is delivered and you know that we're starting on Monday." Um... what steel? "Oh, it's not there yet? Are you sure? Did you look in the garage?" Yes, lady, we did look in the fuxing garage. We only walk through it every day after work to get in the house. There is no friggin' steel in there other than the nails from the basement. "Oh, well, it should be delivered tomorrow morning at the latest."

Monday morning: still no steel framing.

Problem #5 - basement guys show up, but they can't start until the steel is delivered. I know this because we get a phone call from the contractors: "we're here to start your basement." As sweetly as I could, from my office cubicle, I told them that I was not at home to let them in because the steel was not yet delivered and I was not going home to let anyone in the house until that happened. The contractors were both surprised and irritated that there was no steel. The steel came around lunch time. The contractors decided to postpone the work for another day. They are also not surprised at Owens Corning's behavior.

Problem #6 - no one told the contractors that we were supposed to have extra steel framing set up on one wall to support a flat screen TV. The steel wasn't ordered for it. We are not surprised. We are, however, VERY irritated, because we only find out the extra reinforcement wasn't done on that wall after the walls are done. Granted, we did come down and check on the basement daily, but the actual building period was only 4 days start to finish, and there was so much steel down there we thought they were already reinforcing it. The contractors themselves were great guys that do a great job, but we are so irritated at this point that we say forget it, the sooner we're done with Owens Corning the better, and the contractors make sure that extra amount is deducted from our total.

Problem #7 - Since we did demolition, no one scheduled a dumpster. We were going to go postal on someone (God, we wanted to!), but the contractors headed us off and got a dumpster to be delivered free of charge. We filled it. They took it away. FINALLY, we can use our garage again.

After this, carpet guy comes out to go over carpet options. Oops, he was supposed to be out before the basement was finished, but to give him some credit, those other contractors were fast. Nice guy, efficient, he's in and out quick as anything. Our carpet is ordered same day with a 2 week lead time and we got a ridiculously ossim deal for it. They predict they can re-carpet the house in one day possibly two if there are difficulties, and we agree to clean the house of knick-knacks and ready everything to be moved around. Insert 1.5 weeks of frantic house cleaning and preparation.

Problem #8 - Last week (one week after carpet man and during the frantic cleaning) we get a call from Owens Corning, which makes us faint because their communication is a joke and holy shit they actually bothered to call us about something. Apparently one of the banks they got a loan through was no longer lending, so we are now split into three loans instead of 2 because they had to immediately open another line of credit to pay for their shit. Ding on our credit and an extra payment to worry about whose payments CANNOT be postponed like the other two loans. Payments will begin immediately. Fine, whatever, this technically isn't their fault. We can't be angry at them. Right?

Problem #9 - The carpet guy calls us today, almost a week after that last phone call. Note: the carpet guy, NOT Owens Corning. What's the problem? THE CARPET WAS NEVER ORDERED because they couldn't get the money from Owens Corning. We are not having carpet installed tomorrow, and we only knew this because the carpet guy felt obligated to call us. Gee, what a novel idea. Someone actually wants to keep their customer informed? Good thing the contractors care for their customers, because Owens Corning sure doesn't. If the carpet guy hadn't called I'd be sitting on my ass all day tomorrow wondering where the hell our carpet was.

Add a week because of the holiday plus the two weeks it takes to get the carpet made / dyed / whatever and we're not on track to have carpet until the end of January, and that's assuming Owens Corning can get their shit together. Realistically, I don't expect to see anything (or get a damn phone call) until February.

Current Status: Pissed beyond belief.

WHAT DID WE LEARN?

Owens Corning may have great product and contractors, but based on their service alone this entire project wasn't worth it. I don't care how good of a deal we got. There is no excuse for the sheer levels of FAIL happening with this project. Honestly, the next time we need to do something we're going straight to the contractors, or we're feeding people pizza and beer for a week straight to do it our own damn selves at a snail's pace. If we weren't in a contract (*eye twitch*) we would have canceled on them a long time ago.

For those of you thinking of buying a service that Owens Corning provides: DON'T. It isn't worth it. Go with someone else. Or do it yourself.

We'll see how the rest of this plays out. For now, we're documenting the progress and lack of communication. Wish us luck.

~Sass~

Bitches!

2008-12-22T09:24:00.003-07:00

... on TV!!!!!

Werewolf dramedy unleashed at Fox

Network gives 'Bitches' a script plus penalty commitment
By Nellie Andreeva
Dec 22, 2008, 01:00 AM ET

Talk about a hairy "Sex and the City."

The Fox network is developing "Bitches," a dramedy about a quartet of female friends in New York who are werewolves.

The project, which has received a script plus penalty commitment from the network, hails from feature writer Michael Dougherty and Warner Bros. TV.

TV writing duo Gretchen Berg and Aaron Harberts have come on board to supervise Dougherty. The two also will serve as executive producers alongside Dougherty if the project, described as a quirky urban fairy tale, goes to series.

"Bitches" continues the werewolf theme from Dougherty's recent horror flick "Trick 'r Treat."

2009 is shaping up to be a big year for werewolves with the release of the Benicio del Toro-starring remake of "The Wolfman" and the "Twilight" sequel "New Moon."

WMA-repped Dougherty's writing credits also include "Superman Returns" and "X2: X-Men United."

Berg and Harberts recently served as co-exec producers on the ABC/WBTV series "Pushing Daisies." The duo, repped by ICM and attorney Gretchen Bruggeman Rush, also created/exec produced the WB's "Pepper Dennis."

Please, FOX, do this show right and for shit's sake don't cancel it after the first season! I want werewolves on prime time TV, damn it!

Internet Addiction

2008-12-21T12:00:00.001-07:00

I felt this was worth bringing up, because many bloggers, gamers, Twitterers, etc have -- at least once -- come across this issue being discussed. Whether or not you agree with him, the Last Psychiatrist really makes you sit and have a think about the issue.

Is Internet Addiction Really An Addiction?

From my own personal experience and observations...

I would agree with him. This is a social issue, not an addiction issue.

Think about it. Why do we blog? Why do we Twitter? Why do we have hundreds of friends on Facebook / MySpace / *insert social networking website here*? We want attention. We want the attention we're not getting in the real world.

The Internet allows those of us with social problems to withdraw into ourselves while simultaneously branching out. Those of you that know me in real life should know that I am actually quite a shy person until you get to know me. Why is this? Because I have a social phobia of sorts (and you have no idea how long that took me to figure out). Check the link there for more details, but basically unfamiliar or new social situations trigger my fight or flight instincts. It's not pretty, and was hell to deal with as a teenager. The Internet was actually a blessing for me -- it helped me improve on a lot of my issues with social interaction and become more of a "normal" person (*snort*). Basically I used it as a crutch while I grew a backbone. I could test the waters, find my voice, and learn not to over-analyze people's responses / reactions. It was actually kind of therapeutic (as is writing this blog from time to time).

Then again, building an entire personality around one's avatar / nickname probably isn't the healthiest thing ever, but at least I picked an amusing name, eh?

Of course, not everyone comes out of the internet sprouting wings of social happiness (some never do, that's why the zomgpanic finger-pointing happens), and these kids he refers to are obviously in the beginning stages of social withdrawal. They don't realize yet that their status as a social outcast is probably just all in their head. Like mine was. (Unless you happen to have people trying to stone you to death, and then maybe it's not just all in your head. Separate issue entirely. And maybe you should move?)

I find it interesting, though, that we always like to find something new or tech-y or disease-related to blame for people's shortcomings. Ever notice that? It's never our own faults. It's genetic. It's the Internet. It's that guy on TV poisoning our children's minds. It's those *insert religion/nationality/race here* that are to blame for the decline in whatever. I mean, I did it three paragraphs ago to explain my extreme shyness. It allows us to wash our hands of responsibility. Oh, that guy is a such-and-such. It's not my fault. He's just like that. Oh, I have a phobia, maybe I should take medication for anxiety.

Kind of seems like we're more focused on what the problem is than actually taking steps to treat it.

Yes, of course, it's important to know what it is so that we can treat it correctly. I just think we may have a little too much time on our hands and a little too much money to spend, so we're trying to make it a lot more complicated than it really is. And what does that say about us that we want to be able to label -- and thus separate -- everyone based on their shortcomings and not their accomplishments?

Internet addiction? Turn off the computer and take the kid on a field trip with others like him/herself. Show them the world isn't as scary as they're making it out to be.

And make sure they know it isn't the end of the world if they have a problem.

Quote of the Day:

Anais Nin
"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death."

~Sass~

Happee Snowz!!!!

2008-12-19T15:20:00.004-07:00

To all you peeps out there in the NE: hope you're staying warm! Here's some fuzzy happiness of joy to keep you sort-of-not-bored for about 15 seconds!

Bored with the pictures already? Get interactive with...

YETI SPORTS
SNOWBALL FIGHT
SNOWCRAFT
NINTENDO WINTER GAMES
... and probably more I can't find right now because I'm still at work.

(On that note, I can't give you any sort of clue on the quality of these games. I couldn't follow any of the links because our IT people firewalled friggin' everything. So yeah. You'll have to let me know how it goes.)

Anyway, happy snows!

Quote of the Day:

(Ernest Saves Christmas)
Ernest P. Worell: I am one with the Yuletide, know what I mean?

~Sass~

More Anti-Twilight Ammo

2008-12-15T14:38:00.003-07:00

I love you Rod Hilton. Can I have your babies?!

Twilight: The Abridged Script
Copied here for your reading delight! (Can also be seen on cracked.com!)

FADE IN:

EXT. WASHINGTON

KRISTEN STEWART goes to FORKS, WASHINGTON.

KRISTEN STEWART (V.O.)

Once upon a time, there lived an enchanting girl named Stephenie Meyer, er I mean Kristen Stewart. She was so awesome that her awesomeness couldn’t be contained in Arizona, so she moved to Washington to stay with her father, who was totally lame and not cool.

BILLY BURKE

Hey honey. I’m super lame. I got you a car, but it’s totally uncool because I’m totally uncool.

KRISTEN STEWART

Thanks Dad, or whatever. Time for my first day at a new school. Since every coming-of-age story requires the main character be a social outcast, I suppose I’ll have to endure being the unpopular new girl until I do something that proves my worth.

KRISTEN goes to school and is INSTANTLY POPULAR AND BELOVED.

ANNA KENDRICK

Oh my God I love your hair you’re so pretty will you be my new best friend?

GREGORY TYREE BOYCE

Can I take you out sometime since you’re so awesome?

MICHAEL WELCH

No way you asshole, I saw her first!

KRISTEN STEWART

I’d rather watch “The Messengers” than date either of you. Why don’t you go ask Anna instead?

ANNA KENDRICK

Ohmigod I’m getting Kristen’s rejects that’s so awesome!

KRISTEN STEWART

Wow. I guess this is what it looks like when the unpopular fat girl’s pathetic daydreams get written down and published into a bestselling book. Aren’t well-written characters supposed to have flaws?

ANNA KENDRICK

Flaws? Oh, well, um, I suppose you could argue that you’re a little TOO perfect and amazing. But I don’t think so. Let’s make out.

Suddenly, ROBERT PATTINSON enters. The paleness of him and his family members reach blinding levels while the squeals in the movie theater reach deafening levels.

KRISTEN STEWART

Who’s the albino Wolverine?

ANNA KENDRICK

Oh, him? That’s Robert. He’s universally acknowledged as the hottest boy in school but he doesn’t date anyone because no girl is good enough for him.

KRISTEN STEWART

No girl is good enough for him? Man, the excuses closested homosexuals come up with these days…

KRISTEN sits next to ROBERT, who nearly vomits in his mouth and leaves school for a week. Eventually, he returns.

KRISTEN STEWART

Hey, where did you go? Because you are exceedingly mean to me, I find myself attracted to you.

ROBERT PATTINSON

Sounds like textbook daddy issues, you fat cow.

KRISTEN STEWART

(swoon)

ROBERT PATTINSON

You have a bright career as a stripper ahead of you.

ROBERT and KRISTEN continue not quite interacting with each other and having no chemistry together.

KRISTEN STEWART

Hey, your eyes are changing color from gorgeous to ultragorgeous. What’s going on?

ROBERT PATTINSON

Alright, you got me. I was acting like a jerk because I secretly totally love you.

KRISTEN STEWART

Of course! This also explains why the captain of the football team always acted like he hated Stephenie Meyer!

ROBERT PATTINSON

There’s more. I want to eat you.

KRISTEN STEWART

Holy shit, really? I need to go home and do some waxing first, but…

ROBERT PATTINSON

No, I mean literally eat you. I’m a vampire.

KRISTEN STEWART

Hmm. The only way I will believe you is if you carry me up a mountain using special effects from the 70’s.

He DOES.

KRISTEN STEWART

You really are a vampire! Does that mean that garlic, stakes, and sunlight kill you?

ROBERT PATTINSON

Don’t be stupid. All of that lore is far too interesting for this movie. Being a vampire just means I get superpowers. It’s like being Spiderman, but sexier. Also, I sparkle in the sunlight.

KRISTEN STEWART

So that’s why why your family moved here, because it’s always overcast!

ROBERT PATTINSON

That’s right everyone, this whole movie is a 2-hour-long setup for a joke about the Pacific Northwest.

KRISTEN STEWART

So if you’re immortal, how old are you anyway?

ROBERT PATTINSON

Over a hundred, but to be fair I’ve spent most of that time working on my hair.

The two of them GAZE into each other’s eyes with UNCOMFORTABLY HUGE CLOSEUPS for 80% of the rest of the movie.

INT. KRISTEN’S BEDROOM

KRISTEN wakes up to find ROBERT watching her sleep.

KRISTEN STEWART

Holy fucking shit! If you weren’t so hot I’d have you arrested! How long have you been doing this?

ROBERT PATTINSON

2 months.

KRISTEN STEWART

But I’ve only lived here one month according to the script.

ROBERT PATTINSN

Yeah, the script was written in six weeks. Don’t get hung up on shit like that.

KRISTEN STEWART

Oh. Well, as long as you’re here I guess we could have sex.

ROBERT PATTINSON

No, I can’t have sex with you! I’d be unable to control myself! I’d bite you and turn you into a vampire! Also I ejaculate boiling venom, so I’d need to wear like fifty condoms.

KRISTEN STEWART

Wait, we can’t have sex at all, and you can’t suck my blood? How can you make a vampire movie without anyone sucking blood?

ROBERT PATTINSON

It’s alright, I think this movie already has more than enough sucking.

INT. BILLY BURKE’S HOUSE

BILLY BURKE is cleaning his gun and drinking a beer while listening to country music.

KRISTEN STEWART

Dad, my boyfriend is coming over to pick me up. Try not to get dork all over him.

BILLY BURKE

Okay, let me meet him after the movie makes the film industry’s ten billionth joke about protective fathers disliking boyfriends.

KRISTEN STEWART

Alright. Oh and also he’s a 100-year-old vampire, don’t say anything racist about vampires, okay?

ROBERT PATTINSON

Hello, sir. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Kristen has said absolutely nothing about you because you’re so lame.

BILLY BURKE

So I hear you’re a 100 years old. And interested in my 17-year-old daughter. So, mathematically that’s like, what, a 40-year-old dating a 6-year-old?

ROBERT PATTINSON

Ummmmmmmm…

BILLY BURKE

Yeah, so my friend Chris Hansen would like you to have a seat right over here.

KRISTEN STEWART

Dad, you’re embarrassing me almost as much as my acting does! I’m just going over to his house to have dinner with his family, I’ll be back before 11. Unless the ravenous vampires murder me, of course.

BILLY BURKE

Alright, just bring this pepper spray with you. It’s literally the very least I can do to offer it to my teenage daughter.

KRISTEN STEWART

Daaaaad! Stop being such a loser, I don’t need this!

BILLY BURKE

Really? Weren’t you almost raped by four guys earlier in the movie?

KRISTEN STEWART

Yeah but I have a BOYFRIEND now, which means I no longer have to be independent of physically capable of doing anything on my own. GOD!

ROBERT and KRISTEN go to visit ROBERT’S FAMILY MANSION in the middle of the woods, because of course the FANTASY MALE should be rich, too.

INT. GLASS MANSION

KRISTEN meets ROBERT’S VAMPIRE FAMILY.

KRISTEN STEWART

Jesus, this place is paler than an Anne Rice book signing event. At least it doesn’t smell as bad.

PETER FACINELLI

Welcome to our ridiculously expensive home. I’m the father figure of this family because I’m the one who turned them all into vampires. There’s something disturbing about the idea that I’ve only turned teenagers into vampires, but let’s ignore that.

KRISTEN STEWART

Wow, you guys are so close. What keeps this family together so well?

PETER FACINELLI

Funny you should ask. Let me tell you about Count Joseph Von Smith. One day a vampire named Moronula appeared to him and told him to find these golden stakes buried in a coffin…

NIKKI REED

Knock it off, dad. So, Kristen, there must be something really special about you for Robert to take such a liking to you and risk the lives of his entire family. Tell us about yourself.

KRISTEN STEWART

Me? Oh, no. I’m just a hollow placeholder for all of the teenage girls in the audience to project their personalities onto. I have none of my own whatsoever.

NIKKI REED

Oh. Well what do you like to do for fun?

KRISTEN STEWART

Mostly smoke pot on my porch in front of the paparazzi. What about you guys?

PETER FACINELLI

Vampire baseball.

KRISTEN STEWART

Ha ha, no seriously.

PETER FACINELLI

Really. Vampire baseball. We even have uniforms. Want to come watch us play?

KRISTEN STEWART

Actually as it happens the very last thing on Earth I or any other sane person would want to watch is vampire baseball, but go ahead.

They play vampire baseball, which looks exactly as stupid as it sounds to all of the males in the audience. The game attracts the attention of some EVIL VAMPIRES, who actually do the type of shit vampires are supposed to, like fucking kill boring humans. One of them, CAM GIGANDET, notices KRISTIN.

CAM GIGANDET

Oh man, that looks great, are you gonna finish that?

ROBERT PATTINSON

Stay away from her or my family will have to kill you. Specifically, we’ll have to hiss at you like fifth graders pretending to be Dracula, and then kill you.

CAM GIGANDET

Murder, eh? That’s one hell of a family activity. My family usually just plays scrabble.

PETER FACINELLI

The family that slays together, stays together.

CAM tries to eat KRISTEN, a poorly directed action sequence ensues, and eventually he is defeated.

PETER FACINELLI

Kristen’s been bitten! She’ll be turned into a vampire within minutes unless you suck the venom out! I can’t do it for some reason or another.

ROBERT PATTINSON

Since the whole novel this is based on is just Mormon propaganda for abstinence and bloodsucking is a metaphor for sex, what exactly is this advocating?

PETER FACINELLI

Look, all I know is that even though it’s going to be REALLY HARD, you’re just going to have to PULL OUT of her before CLIMAX. The climax of the movie, I mean.

He DOES. It’s very DISSATISFYING.

INT. HOSPITAL

KRISTEN wakes up in the hospital, and ROBERT wakes up after her.

KRISTEN STEWART

I thought vampires never slept.

ROBERT PATTINSON

Script. Six weeks. Remember?

KRISTEN STEWART

Right. Well, thanks for saving my life after endangering it by inviting me into your dangerous world. Let’s go to the prom together.

ROBERT PATTINSON

Actually, I think it would be better if we broke up. To keep you safe.

KRISTEN STEWART

From vampires?

ROBERT PATTINSON

No, from being typecast forever after this series is done. I’m screwed, but it’s not too late for you.

KRISTEN STEWART

No. No, you can’t ever leave me. Never. No matter what. We must be together forever and ever and ever.

ROBERT PATTINSON

Holy shit, you’re a clingy psychotic bitch. Maybe we have a realistic high school relationship after all.

They stay together and go to the PROM.

KRISTEN STEWART

I want you to make me a vampire so that I can be with you, even if it means sacrificing my own life as a mortal.

ROBERT PATTINSON

So, the next generation of young women is currently flocking to see a female lead starring in a movie by a female director based on a bestselling book by a female author, and in this movie the main character wants to become completely submissive and self-sacrificing for a male.

KRISTEN STEWART

I love you. Put a baby in me.

ROBERT PATTINSON

At least the other three books can’t possibly be more misogynistic and depressing.

They ARE.

END

Braindeaded

2008-12-12T09:11:00.004-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posts this month, you twenty or so readers you! I've been a little brain dead. Between work, skool, general anxiety, and the realization that I may be trying to do too much at one time (see first born syndrome), it's just not been a creative month. I can't even bring myself to write some snarkity snark snark for you all to escape to (which is the actual purpose of this blog, contrary to what my post topic titles may tell you!).

I may just bite the bullet and take a complete mental vacation for about a week. No worrying about all that stuff I didn't get done (coz I was too worried about getting it done to actually DO it), no agonizing over the name that just won't die*, no more dwelling on my roller-coastering emotions (DIE, anxiety! DIE!), no thinking about anything writing related, no nothing. The only things I absolutely have to get done are work stuff and house cleaning... which I wish I could put off for a while, however we're getting the carpet replaced in the whole house in about 1.5 weeks, which means stuff needs to be able to move easily, which means all the friggin' clutter has to go.

BUT, since I'm not going to worry about anything else this week, the cleaning might be therapeutic.

Yes, I am weird like that. Sometimes shutting off my brain and doing a lot of busy work (cleaning) is good for my soul.

Anyway, I'll post as the mood strikes me, but the trend for December seems to be several days between posts and I don't see that changing the rest of this month. Your resident Ninja Bunny needs some quality offline time.

*My friggin hero won't give me a clue as to whether or not he wants his name changed and if he does he's sure as hell not tellin' me what it is.

~Sass~

Which Creature of the Night Are You?

2008-12-11T17:06:00.004-07:00

Surprise!!! lol

Who saw that one coming?

(Actually, I fully expected NOT to be a werewolf even though I wanted that to be my answer. This day is just full of surprises!)

What I find interesting is that I'm also equal parts vampire and Cthulu spawn... hmm. Does that mean when I shift at the full moon my werewolf form drinks blood and sports a few extra tentacles?

Which creature of the night are you? Your Result: Werewolf You are a vicious fighter and a vicious lover, absolutely dedicated to your pack. You are pushed to anger by disloyalty and injustice and have a tendency toward sudden, periodic bursts of wild behavior.
Vampire
Cthulu Spawn
Incubus/Succubus
Demon
Ghost
Sorceror
Which creature of the night are you? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Top 5 Favorite Music Vids

2008-12-09T13:32:00.010-07:00

These aren't my favorite songs, but they are my favorite [semi-recent] music videos. They're not listed in true preferred order, just listed as I could find them on YouTube.

#1 - "Love Me Dead" by Ludo
Why? - Fun song, fun video. As Demps put it, "this is the direction emo should have gone." I agree!
Favorite part - "you SUCK so passionately!"

#2 - "Tear You Apart" by She Wants Revenge
Why? - Because this song wins at life and the video makes me want to know WTF happens next!
Favorite part - the chorus. I mean really, find me another song with a chorus like that. It gets stuck in my friggin brain!

#3 - "Don't Shoot Me Santa" by The Killers
Why? - It makes me have a lolgasm. Srsly.
Favorite part - The puppet show!

#4 - "1985" by Bowling For Soup
Why? - The '80s references are priceless.
Favorite Part - When they're in the garage acting like Robert Palmer in "Addicted to Love"

#5 - "Weapon of Choice" by Fatboy Slim
Why? - Christopher Walkin. Dancing.
Favorite part - All of it, really. I mean... Christopher Walkin. Dancing. He dances.

So what are your favorite music videos?

~Sass~

Randy Pausch's Last Lecture

2008-12-08T17:37:00.002-07:00

After speaking with my sister, it occurs to me that there are a great many people who haven't seen this video.

I must fix this.

Now, this is pretty long. I will wait patiently for you to go get your slippers on and find a good place to huddle under a blanket or something with your laptop. No, really. Do it. This is over an hour long. Get comfortable.

Ready now? Good. Click play.

Words escape me. I tear up every time I watch it.

RIP, Randy Pausch (as of July 25, 2008). You're an inspiration to us all.

~Sass~

Jo Leigh and Book Suggestions

2008-12-08T13:47:00.005-07:00

So, as I twittered earlier, I've apparently been living under a rock. I just discovered this and there's only 2 days left on the auctions...

Some of these are really ossim. If I had the money, I might actually bid on the Smart Bitches auction, because you know those books are some good reading. As it is I'm trying to see if there's one that falls under "affordable." One I clicked on at random was up over $300, and lowest I saw so far was $52 (though I didn't look at many of them. I skimmed).

Gives me the warm fuzzies to see so many writers (and agents and editors) sticking up for each other. That's the type of community I strive to join in all my endeavors. (Hey, snarky bitches have a heart too, you know. I do actually care sometimes!)

Oh, also... I need suggestions. I have 4 nieces (soon to be 6 coz of my step-bro is engaged and his lady friend has 2 more daughters) and I don't know what in the hell to get them that they'd enjoy. Bookwise, I mean. (Remember, I'm buying books for everyone this year!)

Does anyone have suggestions for these ages?

niece 1 (sister of 2) – 10 yo
niece 2 (sister of 1) - 8 yo
niece 3 – 4 yo
niece 4 – 1 yo
future sister of 1+2 – 10 yo
future sister of 1+2 – 3 yo

~Sass~

More Quizzes! YAY!

2008-12-07T00:15:00.004-07:00

Getting caught up on my blog reading. Found a couple of hilarious quizzes courtesy of Janet Reid. Here are the results!

47%

35 seconds

Janet has 10 seconds on me with the velociraptor but I beat her by 1% on the zombie thing. What are your chances for survival??

Then, of course, I had to take some of the other quizzes. This one is just too much funny:

15

~Sass~

Stalkerific

2008-12-05T13:00:00.002-07:00

Okay, seriously, I lol'd so hard I almost fell out of my chair.

How To Be An Empowered Stalkee

"And then I read on Stephenie Meyer’s website that vampires don’t need to blink and then it creeped me out EVEN MORE because I kept envisioning Edward sleep-stalking Bella over and over again in my head and it looked like this:"

Edward: (O_O)
Bella: (-_-) zzZ
Edward: (O_O)
Bella: (-_-) zzZ
Edward: (O_O)
Bella: (-_-) zzZ
Edward: (O_O)
Bella: (-_-) zzZ
Bella: (-_o) *
Edward: (O_O)
Bella: (ó.ò)

And it gets better. Seriously, go read it.

~Sass~

Buy A Friggin Book Already

2008-12-04T11:33:00.004-07:00

Please, for the love of all things holy (or unholy, as may be your preference), buy some books this season.

Why? Because:

1) I like books. I want to continue to be able to buy new books. I want to read new authors. I want to keep bookstores from reducing inventory or closing stores. You do to, right? (Right?!)
2) New authors (including myself! HELLO! /wave) would like to be able to land a publishing deal before next century, and we can't do that if publishers are doing things like laying people off and halting all new acquisitions. (For a look at how sad this is getting, check here.)
3) And, generally, increasing literacy rates is a good thing.

So yeah. Support the publishing industry. Make your little cousin/niece/brother/everyone sit down and read a book for once. Even Scalzi is asking for everyone to submit suggestions for books to give as presents. I have 7 nieces and 3 nephews and you can bet your last shopping dollar they're all getting a nicely bound set of printed paper for Christmas. (Or laminated cardboard, as two of those kids are only a year old. But whatever, it counts.)

Side note, blogging is a little bit of a non priority this week since we lost half our team at work and I have a final project (paper + presentation) due on Tuesday for the last friggin' school day of the semester. I'll be sparse this week but I'll be back with a vengeance next week, I promise!

Peace out and happy reading!

~Sass~

Twitter

2008-12-04T09:12:00.003-07:00

Twittering, I does it now. (Okay, yes, I'm slow. Sue me. Better late than never, right?)

http://twitter.com/sasseebioche

This is a wonderful tool for keeping track of friends, goofing off at work, and generally distracting myself from just about everything else that needs my attention. I like it already!

~Sass~

Gobble, Gobble Bitches!

2008-11-27T09:10:00.007-07:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

(To those of you outside the US, have a happy whatever day it isn't, and go enjoy some Turkey -- or tofurkey -- for us anyway. Come on, you know you want to indulge in a turkey-laden food coma!)

And just because I can, imma post the Sarah Palin interview FAIL. Oh yes. Some of you know what's coming.

Meanwhile, we have Thanksgiving wishes from Head Trip Comics (which is from last year but still relevant), Scalzi does an article about things he's thankful for in the SciFi movie universe, Niel Gaiman shows us how he makes cranberry sauce (which he calls jelly, and rightly so), CNN does a top 10 turkeys of 2008 article (it's political so avoid it if you're not into that sort of thing), people keep trying to deep fry their turkeys and end up setting the house on fire, and mental_floss gives you Manly Ways to Prepare Turkey which includes how to make Turducken. Oh, and Smart Bitches says thanks, too.

The Daily Show does Thanksgiving, too!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Thanksgiving

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

On a more serious note, President-elect Obama wishes everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. In case you don't want to read the transcript, here's the video:

And...

I FINISHED MY SECOND DRAFT YESTERDAY!!!!! Eeeeeeee!!!!11!!one!!!1!!eleventy!!!!1~

I've got the thing out to a few betas to see what other shit I have to fix. In the mean time, I've got a few chapters to crit for someone else, a house to clean (amigahd people are coming over later and I just now remembered this o_O), some food to prepare, hair in need of washing, and a multitude of other things including homework.

Wait a minnit, what happened to my nice relaxing four day weekend??

Quote of the day:

"Good food food... good meat... good God, let's eat!"

~Sass~

Hee!

2008-11-25T22:43:00.002-07:00

I just realized something. Normally the holy trinity in Urban Fantasy is fangs, fur, and fey -- FFF. What's my holy trinity? Fangs, fur, and scales -- FFS.

I don't know about you but I think I just won at acronyms.

Also, I've worked through chapter thirteen (of seventeen) for revisions and consistency checks. Draft two is almost complete!

~Sass~

WoW in the White House

2008-11-24T12:22:00.003-07:00

This is so full of win I can't hardly stand it. Obama appointed Kevin Werbach to help co-chair his FCC transition team. Why is this exciting? Because Mr. Werbach plays WoW. (Obama also appointed Susan Crawford, but she's a Still Life player and that just isn't as uber as a WoW player.)

"In preparation for his incoming administration, the two, both seasoned Net Neutrality advocates, will be tasked with providing information on U.S. government Internet and telecom policies, along with advising on budgetary and personnel matters."

Kevin blogged about his WoW habits a while back, and I gotta tell you, I'm making little squee noises over here about having this guy on that team. I mean, he gets it. This guy is not out of touch with the post Baby Boomer generation. This guy doesn't think the internet is a series of tubes. He has multiple characters in two different guilds and actually sees real life applicable opportunity in online gaming.

I must worship this manz. And kudos to Obama for an excellent pick.

~Sass~

Ozzy Does WoW

2008-11-22T10:29:00.002-07:00

Amigahd this is the best one yet!

And this.... this is hilarious. There are no words.

~Sass~

I did it!

2008-11-22T01:04:00.006-07:00

I finally got that stupid final scene re-written! Eeeeee!!!!!

(For those of you keeping track, it's taken me way longer than it should to revise this novel. So long, in fact, that I'm putting off my homework to indulge in a gigantic creative streak just so I can have a shot at getting it done before Thanksgiving... 'coz I want to play WotLK, damn it.)

So now, on the novel to do list:

-- ~~finish re-writing denouement, thus officially finishing draft 2~~ *squee!*
-- ~~run through draft to check for consistency in changes~~
-- ~~consult trusty beta readers (I heart you guys!)~~
-- possibly participate in The Beta Project
-- take Beta opinions into consideration and make corrections where necessary
-- write the damned synopsis and query thingy already
-- start accumulating rejections

So yeah. This stuff, I shall do it. Onward!

~Sass~

The Week in WTF

2008-11-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

Remember that spider picture email chain I linked to you guys the other day? The one where he was trying to pay his bill with a picture of that spider? Um, yeah. Someone put the spider picture up on eBay. It sold for $10,000.

Some British dude cuts off his own head... with a chainsaw. I'm not an expert in suicide, but there's got to be some easier ways to go.

"He thought through how he was going to commit suicide very carefully. He went to a great deal of trouble."

Phyall, who had been drinking alcohol but not taken any drugs, tied the chainsaw to the leg of a snooker table and plugged it into a timer.

Police were called to his apartment in Bishopstoke, southern England, on July 5 when his parents could not contact him.

Requesting the parents to remain outside the property, officers broke in and found the walls and floor covered in blood, with Phyall's partially decapitated body in the lounge.

Man caught with penis in pasta jar. The title kind of speaks for itself.

Police believed Weatherley was doing something with his hands in his lap and thought that he might have a weapon.

Weatherley saw the police and drove away, despite them flashing their lights.

The chase lasted five to 10 minutes, with a top speed of just 20 kmh, before Weatherley was stopped at Centenary Drive, Newcastle. He refused to leave the car.

Four officers used batons and capsicum spray to remove him.

They found a 750-millilitre jar around his penis and noted that Weatherley attempted to continue "pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling".

Australia has a new political party. This one is pretty full of win, actually. I think some heads would explode (no pun intended) if they tried to make that party legitimate in the US.

Um... yeah.

And that was your week in WTFery. Happy Friday!

~Sass~

Twilight: Final Review

2008-11-20T10:01:00.007-07:00

Okay, I've had a day to calm down from yesterday's "amigahd!" moment.

And all I can think about is Twilight. The first thing I did this morning when I got to work was run over to Stephenie Meyer's website trying to find an inkling of what she did to sell this book, what her pitch was, so that I could maybe get a better understanding of what she intended when writing the book. (Which I didn't find, and I may try to email her about, because I am that curious. I want to know how she sold this thing.)

Instead, I head to the movie section. Proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes reading info and watching clips.

Despite wanting to punch the main characters in the face, despite feeling robbed of my uber climactic vampire fight there at the end, despite feeling somewhat cheated in my reading experience for various reasons including the lack of vampire fighting, I want to read more. I want to read the other three books. And I don't know why.

I mean, she obviously did something to grab me and suck me into the story as a reader. I think I'm so pissed because my writer side and my reader side are duking it out. My writer side tells me "look, she was inconsistent with Bella's character. She displayed a lot of TSTL syndrome and yet had brief flashes of true intelligence. She fluxuated between depressed and happy so much that she left the bipolar readers in total awe (the behavior of which was unrealistic). Bella's dad was not a chief of police no matter how many times Meyer mentioned it -- he was not a cop personality. Edward is downright creepy (he reminds me a lot of my very controlling and mentally abusive ex boyfriend, which is admittedly most of my problem with this book) and acts like he's eternally 15 years old with an unhealthy puppy love obsession despite being a very much in control 100 year old vampire before meeting Bella. There were too-convenient setups and plot twists everywhere. She sucked at scene transitions. The conflict of the story was internal and lead the readers around in virtual circles for 400 pages before finding external conflict that escalated so fast it stole my breath. Literally, I think the plot was 'they fall in love and shit happens.' (Okay, maybe there was something in there about Bella finding a purpose or something, but it wasn't a main focus.) Then she let the readers down by having Bella pass out DURING the climactic scene, which, while realistic, is a horrible way to tell a story. Oh, and they sparkle. SPARKLE. What the hell? Vampires do not sparkle!"

And then the reader part comes back and says "but it was damned interesting, wasn't it? Like a reality TV show. Why do people watch those? They know it's silly, they know it's contrived, they know the cast is always going to be so outrageously over the top because people become idiots when money is at stake and they're on TV... but it's so friggin' entertaining. And you were entertained, weren't you?"

To which I grit my teeth and mumble, "yes, damn it. I was. But you repeat that to anyone and so help me I will make you pay."

I still maintain that this is very much a Romeo and Juliet story. For those of you that might make a positive association with that play, let me tell you how *I* view it. It's my personal opinion that Shakespeare was making a statement about young love. He was telling us that yes, even in his time, teenagers could be raging idiots. In the span of three days these two teenagers fall for each other so hard that they can't stand the thought of bein apart and through some seriously effed up events end up committing suicide "for love." (A viewpoint which I didn't take until I was several years out of high school... because in high school, I thought it was the most romantic thing ever.)

This is basically how I view Twilight, and it's also the reason I want to punch Edward and Bella in the face -- because they freely admit to knowing their infatuation isn't healthy and they both agree the other would be better off without them. And yet, they don't care. They're like fuck it, let's enjoy our time together. Admirable. Enfuriating. Soap Opera drama at its best, and it sucked me in. I should feel ashamed of myself. But it isn't going to stop me from reading the other three books, is it?

No, no it's not. Damn it.

Then I go on to read about where Meyer got the idea and got Twilight published and stuff. Typical busy-mom writer story about how she wrote in her free time, someone encouraged her to publish the thing, and she did. That was the typical part. Here's the not so typical part: from the time she sat down to start the book and got it published, it was six months start to finish. SIX MONTHS. A few years later and she's a worldwide best seller with a huge movie deal.

I think I hate her now. Jealousy is clawing its way out of my cold little heart. Is my skin turning green? Do I have steam coming out of my ears? How did this become such a huge phenomenon in such a short time? I have bookshelves full of better material.

But it isn't the same material, is it? Meyer hit the nail on the head -- I don't know if she meant to, but she took a love story and a vampire story and made it mesh together in a very unique way. And what sells these days? Stories that stray from the norm. She strays really far from the norm in just about everything in that book. And it got her attention. She stands out. That is why these things are so popular.

I mean, look. Everyone talks about her book. There's reviews everywhere (hello, I just made how many review posts on it? Yeah, ELEVEN, including this one). Smart Bitches did four: one specifically about edward, one that reviewed the book and gave it a D-, one that showed a spoof trailer (which is so full of ossim and amazing it's ridiculous), and one that was trying to figure out the deal with the movie posters. There are hypothetical letters from Edward Cullen to Sarah Palin (coz the Cullens moved from Alaska to Washington), two comic strips (here and here) from headtrip comics, at least one major discussion thread on AbsoluteWrite by published and hopeful authors (which is just one set of forums I troll... and there is probably a lot more to be found, I'm sure) some of which is positive and some of which is fraught with WTFery, and even an MSN Movies article that does another spoof about Twilight: The Lost Script. There's anectdotal evidence everywhere of people loving the secondary characters, of showing up to Midnight Release parties. People that hated the book are spreading the word as fast as they can... which makes others want to read it despite the negative opinions (because we as people like to experience things for ourselves, especially if it's as fucked up as everyone says it is).

So yeah. I can hate this thing all I want, I can talk about burning it and punching people in the face, I can rant all day long about how much of an unhealthy relationship Meyer writes about and how no teenager should ever read the books lest they try to validate their own craptastic and possibly abusive relationships, I can rant for pages upon pages about just creepy Edward and I-need-to-validate-my-life-through-someone-else Bella, never mind any other issues, but at the end of the day...

I still want to read it. I have to. I have to know what happens, and how badly it all goes to hell. What the hell is wrong with me?

/sigh

Basically: I don't get it. And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go cleanse my brain with some actual work.

Quote of the Day:

(Romeo and Juliette)
Romeo: Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.
Mercutio: If love be rough with you, be rough with love. Prick love for pricking and you beat love down.

~Sass~

Chapter 24 and Epilogue

2008-11-19T16:41:00.002-07:00

Yep, last post. In case you missed it, here were the previous chapters:

Prologue, 1, 2
Chapters 3, 4, 5
Chapters 6, 7, 8
Chapter 9, 10, 11
Chapters 12, 13, 14
Chapters 15, 16, 17
Chapters 18, 19, 20
Chapters 21, 22, 23

CHAPTER 24

Oh Meyer you BITCH you took my vampire fight away from me! @%%@$%&*!%@#$!#$% How fucking anti-climactic was that?? *prepares to throw book across room*

Fell down two flights of stairs and out a window? Yeah. Coz that explains a vampire bite on her hand, and, yannow, knuckle and boot-shaped bruises all over her. Riiiiiiiiiight. And I'm sure everyone believes that Edward didn't push her down these imaginary stairs when merely a few days before Bella ran out of the house all emotional screaming that she broke up with him and was flying to Arizona. (I mean, both were lies, but come on. A third grader wouldn't believe that shit, even with the fabricated evidence.)

Oh good, at least someone is on to Edward's obsessive behavior.

He's on the verge of breaking up with her for her own good. DO IT. Do it or so help me I will find a way to punch your fictitious self!

*headdesk* Help me, emo-one kenobi, you're my only hope. *headdesk*

"I'll be the first to admit that I have no experience with relationships," I said. "But it just seems logical... a man and a woman have to be somewhat equal... as in, one of them can't always be swooping in and saving the other one. They have to save each other equally."

^^ Rational thinking. I think I just fainted.

... And then she turns around and says that she basically can't live without him. Make up your damned mind. Are you TSTL or are you smart? Pick one.

"It's possible to take bravery to the point where it becomes insanity." Do you see this? This is me glaring.

Pain meds, promises, and we're done. I am very unsatisfied right now.

EPILOGUE

The Prom. *snort*

Aww, poor Jacob. That guy is sweet. He's got a message for her, what is it? HA! Billy Black doesn't believe the stairs excuse, either. I like that guy.

I love you... I'm not worthy... I love you... I'm not worthy... gawd, get over yourselves already. Bella has an excuse but you're a hundred years old, Edward.

CONCLUSION

Can I just say worst climax EVER in the history of bad climaxes? There was so much buildup in that short period of time and then the story just... stopped. I waited 400 friggin' pages before outside conflict happened and then there was no climax. What. The. Hell. Okay, yes, there was an emo-filled happily ever after, but it was wholly unsatisfying as a) there was no climax to come down from and b) they are such a disaster that you know, even without the other books, that they are going to have issues after the temporary HEA is over.

Now that I've given you a play-by-play of my reactions I wanted to give you a general "this is what I think and why" but I'm too pissed to do it right now. Maybe tomorrow.

Fuck, I have three more of these damned books to read. Someone shoot me.

~Sass~

Twilight 21-23

2008-11-19T13:30:00.001-07:00

CHAPTER 21

Alice has a vision of... Bella's mom's house. That can't be good.

Oh hey, phone call and it's Bella's mo-OH MY GOD IT'S JAMES. And look, Jasper the empath is conveniently out of the room right now, so he isn't there to feel that Bella is freaking the fux out. And while I'm thrilled at the increased amounts of action, it's just a little eyebrow-raising that James would go after her mom to lure her out for snack time. Is he that obsessed with finding one measly human? There's millions of others out there, dude.

Then again, it would really piss off Edward.

Never mind, carry on. You get one get out of jail free card for the too-convenient plot twist as long as we see Edward suffer and Bella's mom doesn't have to die.

And of course she stops to write a letter to Edward before going off to die. Gotta keep up the emo!

CHAPTER 22

Alice has another vision, and she says Bella's name and looks frightened and stuff, but then says everything is fine. What are you up to, little miss psychic? How come you aren't spilling the beans? You know what she's up to. She's gonna ditch your asses so she can go save her mom TSTL style.

Yep, there she went. Used the good ol' bathroom trick in the airport when they went to pick up Edward. (Why doesn't she wait for Edward, you ask, or bring anyone with her? 'Coz James will KEEL her momma if she does, that's why. In case you were wondering.)

Shuttle... cab ride... home to get the number James left for her... running, running, running...

Oh James you sneaky little bastard. I want to have your babies. You are everything a vampire should be -- ruthless, intelligent, and oh so evil. (Not gonna expand on that one as it's very spoilery, but those of you that read it know what I'm talkin about with the Ballet place and stuff.)

And he... wow. Wow. Bella actually gets injured? No deus ex machina before the blood flows? Meyer, I'm shocked.

CHAPTER 23

Oh Christ now she's calling Edward's voice the voice of an angel. Gag me with a spoon.

Hey? Where did James go? #*$%&@#$%!#@$ I wanted a vamp fight god DAMMIT! Where is my vamp fight?

/deep breath
/calm down

Okay, fine. But you better have one for me later.

How friggin' sweet and stuff -- Edward has supreme control over his blood drinking self even while she's bleeding. Aww. Idnit speshel. /hurl

What? Hey! The chapter is over already? Friggin' cheat. That didn't even qualify as a quarter of a chapter, and now I gotta wait until I get home to read and review the rest. Sigh.

I find myself becoming strangely addicted despite wanting to punch Edward and Bella in the face. Why? Do the gods laugh at me? Are they having fun at my expense? Why do I feel this need to take just a liiiiiiiiittttle bit longer lunch and finish the book? Why do I want to know what happens? This is mind boggling, and I shall spend the rest of the afternoon thinking about it. Along with DA's question about "how would you give someone directions from the north pole?" (That's a hard one, that is... everything is south from there.)

More to come later today. I'm strangely looking forward to it. Quick, someone slap me.

Previously reviewed:
Prologue, 1, 2
Chapters 3, 4, 5
Chapters 6, 7, 8
Chapter 9, 10, 11
Chapters 12, 13, 14
Chapters 15, 16, 17
Chapters 18, 19, 20

Coming up:
Chapter 24 and Epilogue

~Sass~

Twilight 18-20

2008-11-18T22:46:00.004-07:00

YAY drama that comes from outside the emo couple! /popcorn

CHAPTER 18

Burgundy predator eyes? Excellent! But meh, the lead guy has a French accent. We need to see some crazy vamp accents sometime. Like Canadian. (I just snorted at the thought of a Cannuck vamp. "I'm gonna suck your blood, eh? Hoser!")

Ooooo, tenseness between Edward and one of the other doods. Snarling, teeth baring. James is hungry. Come onnnnnnn, vamp fight! (They won't, unfortunately. They agreed to keep the peace and go home to the Cullens' etc. But hey, I can dream.)

Running... driving away... osnap. James is apparently gonna give Edward a run for his money (Edward can hear thoughts, and I guess James is all "yer chick, I shall eat her. and it will be good"). Finally, some really interesting conflict!

"Bella, please just do this my way, just this once," he said between clenched teeth. Hon, I don't know if you noticed, but she does it your way a lot. And unclench your teeth plx. You're moody -- we don't need you to be cliche, too.

Nice planning by Bella. There actually is a brain under all that emo. Looks like we're goin' back to Phoenix, AZ!

CHAPTER 19

Woah. Emo girl can act, too. She's throwing a truly hellish breakup tantrum in order to get out of the house believably. Kind of feel bad for Charlie, though (her dad). She's gone beyond hitting below the belt. She's downright K.O.'d him. Tho he isn't acting like chief of police or whatever he is. For being law enforcement he sure does freeze up a lot around emotional wimminz. Nice guy, but you can tell Meyer doesn't know any cops.

James followed them! /popcorn

Amighad I love chase scenes! Decoys and ambushes and escapes, oh my! And Edward and Bella have to split for a few days. I thought this was good until I remembered that she's prone to bouts of depression. Ahh, well. I can put up with it if I get a vamp fight. Lurves me those vamp fights.

CHAPTER 20

Washington to Arizona in a day. Must be a new land speed record.

Travel, travel, travel... Oopsie, James caught on. He's on a plane now. The Tracker is on the hunt... Sleeping, calling peeps, onoes Alice has a vision, Bella leaves a message for her mom, more sleeping...

... and chapter ends.

Okay, that was an excellent change in pace. We were minimal on the emo except for a few zomg I heart you moments, and it seems like people are acting kind of... intelligent?? It's, like, mind-boggling. Too bad it took almost 400 pages of train wreck to get to this point.

More to come. Stay tuned!

Previously reviewed:
Prologue, 1, 2
Chapters 3, 4, 5
Chapters 6, 7, 8
Chapter 9, 10, 11
Chapters 12, 13, 14
Chapters 15, 16, 17

Coming up:
Chapters 21, 22, 23
Chapter 24 and Epilogue

~Sass~

Twilight: The Lost Script

2008-11-18T10:02:00.002-07:00

This deserves it's own post. Why? Because it's full of win. Thanks amybai for the link a few posts back. You have no idea how much I <3 you right now! (And I lawled in the office, just so you know.)

Twilight: The Lost Script

The entire book (so far) can actually be summed up on the 5th slide there. It goes something like this (quoted straight from that article):

EDWARD: Oh my God! What happened to your ears! Did someone hurt you, my love?

BELLA: What? I can't hear you. I'm wearing my earbuds and rocking out. Have I told you today that you are gorgeous? Your torso looks like it's carved from marble. Who cares that your skin's so cold... more I have to wear a blanket when we snuggle? You're yummy!

EDWARD: OK, if you can't hear me, then I will whisper the words I've longed to utter for a century. I love you. Love, love, love, kissy, kissy.

BELLA: Um, Edward, I was just kidding. I can still hear you when I have my earbuds on.

EDWARD: I meant every word of it. You are the sweet love of my life. My nostrils flare to embrace your intoxicating scent.

BELLA: Do you have any Tic Tacs? I feel like I should, I don't know, eat a breath mint or something. We're going to kiss soon, right?

EDWARD: I fear my passions will overwhelm me. Let us just hold hands and take another ride in my swift, swift Volvo.

BELLA: Can't hear you. Earbuds.

Arr Ohh Eff Ell, I saiz.

Quote of the day:

(Young Frankenstein)
Elizabeth: [singing, while having sex with the monster] Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I've found you! At last, I know the secret of it all!

~Sass~

Twilight 15-17

2008-11-17T22:47:00.010-07:00

So where was... oh, right. The Sleepover. Look, even Edward is like "srsly?" in this picture.

CHAPTER 15

Mmkay, well, it's the "morning after" (kind of) and he's merely cheerful instead of unstable and creepy. This is acceptable. You may pass go. You may collect $200.

She loves him? She loves him? And he's all Han Solo like "I know." Not really but close enough... anyway, he doesn't return the sentiment. All he does is pull another Edward creepy moment with the "you are my life now." Honestly, WTF kind of response is that? Hi, I'm Edward, and I'll be your stalker for the next few decades. Would you like me to shadow your every move today or just listen in on all your conversations? I can be flexible.

She has a sense of humor? Where did that come from?

Creepy Edward behavior # something (I lost count): He's watching her eat.

Alice, eh. Sounds like she knows what's goin' on and Edward doesn't like it. I like her already and she isn't even in the book yet.

What's with the cheek thing! Stop touching her face already. You're going to give her a zit. Or vampire cooties. Or something.

WTF? Now she's a fainter?

lololololol okay yes I like Alice. What a hoot. (I just said "what a hoot" didn't I? Apparently I've suddenly moved back to my hometown without realizing it. 'Sup, y'all?)

Yes, yes, there's danger coming to town, we know you're going to be overly protective. Move along. (And there we go again with the being satisfied when she looks somewhat frightened.)

He did not just do that. (tear tasting)

Yes, I am satisfied with my earlier assessment that Edward is bipolar, 'coz this is complete 180 from yesterday. Between his bipolar creepiness and her clinical depression, they're going to make for an interesting couple. And by interesting, I mean like reality show interesting, like "I Love Money" interesting. I need to start making Twilight based FAIL pictures.

CHAPTER 16

More vampy background stuff. Carlisle is a decent guy so far. Sounds like good people.

Enough with the scariness. She isn't afraid of you dude, and you pouncin' on her is not going to change that. Got it?

Wait, why does there have to be thunder outside for them to play baseball? I'm confused. I'll probably get an answer here in a few pages, but I'm still confused.

CHAPTER 17

Woah, moar confooshun. They were gonna go play baseball and then suddenly Edward was dropping her off at her dad's house. And osnap, the Blacks are back.

... and they're gone again. They seem to have this thing with appearing, making a statement, and leaving again. Seems kind of convenient.

Wha..? She is really not good at transitioning scenes. Charlie just sat down to talk to Edward (she announced her intentions) and then Bella was all "let's go" and they went. No talking other than "so you're going to play baseball?" What was the point, then? I would have edited that scene out or gave it more dialogue. More something. That was highly pointless.

K, the neck kissing was kind of hot.

Esme is nice too, I've decided this.

"You don't mind, then?" I asked, hesitant again. "That I'm... all wrong for him?"
"No." She was thoughtful. "You're what he wants. It will work out, somehow," she said, though her forehead creased with worry.

^^ Foreshadowing, yer doin' it obvious.

Oh, oh! What's this? We can has bad dudes? Traditional bad dudes? /popcorn

Nooooooooooooooooo... something interesting was finally happening! GDI. You guys may get two posts tonight.

Better chapters here. Not so much emo, more concentration on actual story stuff like backgrounds and, yannow, some stuff happening that doesn't only involve Edward and Bella. Much better than yesterday's reading session, I tell you what.

More to come in a few. Damned insatiable curiosity.

AM UPDATE: I decided it was too late and I needed to get sleep, and I have class tonight, so no updates until late again. Not like that's a stray from the norm since I've been posting these things after I should have already gone to bed. Heh.

Previously reviewed:
Prologue, 1, 2
Chapters 3, 4, 5
Chapters 6, 7, 8
Chapter 9, 10, 11
Chapters 12, 13, 14

Coming up:
Chapters 18, 19, 20
Chapters 21, 22, 23
Chapter 24 and Epilogue

~Sass~

Twilight 12-14

2008-11-17T00:10:00.009-07:00

Firstly, I have to stop and offer compliments to the casting director for choosing Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black. You, sir (or ma'am), have outdone yourself in a bid to melt teenage hearts everywhere.

(plus, yannow, I'm a die hard werewolf fan, and well, that just makes this even better)

Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

CHAPTER 12

Hmm... can't quite see the point of Billy and Jacob Black coming over for a visit. It was pretty random, and was over really fast. I mean, yeah, Billy saw and identified Edward, and Jacob confirmed the name, but that was about it. Literally nothing else happened during that scene. Seems kind of unnecessary.

Bella woke up feeling blissful! Amigahd! She does have other emotions!

Okay Edward. We've gone over this before. The whole "dangerous" thing? Doesn't work on Bella. You're like a hundred years old or something. You're smart (maybe). Figure it out already and quit egging her on. At this point your continued efforts to try and intimidate her are coming across as transparent bait-and-switch maneuvers, and it doesn't make you look very nice.

I do have to stop here and say that I know some people have a serious problem with x-year old vamps falling in love with mere mortals. Now, this doesn't just apply to this story, so I'm not making excuses for Meyer, but I want to state my opinion on this issue. Think of it this way: vampires, as portrayed in most modern fiction, are simply humans that lack a heartbeat and happen to have a taste for blood. They anger, they smile, they flirt. They can be disappointed. They can be severely emo. Want to commit vampire suicide. Some of them even cry. Lots of modern ones even still have sympathy or respect for their fellow humans. Point is, authors are trying to make them more human.

Why, then, is it so hard to believe that vampires can be susceptible to sudden inexplicable urges such as puppy love for a particular human? Even if said human is several hundred years their junior, this still makes sense to me. In fact, it makes more sense, because it's kind of a "forbidden" thing. What happens when you tell someone they can't have or do something? The first thing they want to do is go after that passion, go after that forbidden fruit. Agewise they're old, but they don't physically appear old, which negates the icky old guy factor, and they legitimately think they still have a chance with the laydeez. Okay, they're kind of dead, but if they move around and interact with things and retain their intelligence they are not going to feel dead, and potential partners won't treat them like they are.

Being a hundred years old doesn't automatically excuse said vampire from making very human mistakes, nor does it automatically make them smarter. Come on, I know at least one of you reading this blog has come across a person several years your senior who has the emotional maturity of someone at least ten years younger than you. Vampires are not exempt from this. They seem to be prone to it, in fact... I mean, how did they become vampires in the first place? They got emo-attached to a vampire (in modern lore). Even if they were randomly attacked, if they were "turned" by their attacker (willfully, not accidentally), that original vampire is going to have the issues I mentioned above (thinking they can spend eternity with the same person and no one else? srsly), and what happens when you hang out with a bunch of moody, immature dead things for a hundred years? Guess what? The attitude rubs off. The habits are picked up.

Edward's family wants him to stay away from humans (being alone with them) lest he lose control. So what happens when he finds one human he's kind of interested in? It gets blown out of proportion. He's going to become fixated on it, probably to an unhealthy point (so far, it looks like this is going to happen in the story). Let's use the forbidden fruit example. Deny yourself for so long and eventually you are going to say eff this and gorge yourself on said forbidden fruit. Edward, after denying himself human company for so long, is binging on Bella's company. Is she the best girl out there? No. Is she the prettiest? Probably not. Is she available? Yes. So this whole 100 year or whatever vamp falling for a teenage girl? After showing you my reasoning -- absolutely believable.

Do I approve of the behavior? No. That's an entirely separate issue. But it is believable. Is it romantic? No. And I probably just spoiled vampires for some of you, but it's realistic. I'm not saying true love or love at first sight or whatever doesn't exist. I'm just sayin' it doesn't exist to the extent fiction writers make it seem. Anyway, onwards with the reading.

Hmm. She's starting to push away her friends in favor of Edward. Not healthy. Oh, and lying to everyone. That'll keep her out of trouble for all of three seconds.

Why is he angry that she didn't tell anyone she was out with him? I mean, it's not the usual kind of worry. He acts like since she didn't tell anyone then she's going to die a horrible death-by-fangs or something. If Edward were really that worried, he wouldn't go in the first place. Honestly. He's a few fangs short of a vampire nest, if you know what I mean.

Oh for the love of... "the marble contours of his chest"... /raises book like she's gonna throw it. Quit bein' so damned sparkly already.

Anyone else notice he was strangely relieved when he thought Bella was finally scared of him?

CHAPTER 13

Oh Christ, she really does describe him as sparkly? I... guh... Crap, I thought that was a joke. ...He sparkles?...

Okay, now he's deliberately trying to frighten her. [next page] Okay, and now he's trying to say he's sorry and he'll never do it again. How many of you have heard this before? Yeah, I thought so. And now I officially no longer like Edward.

And he's bipolar! This guy is so full of unstable he's starting to be worse than Bella.

Yes, I called this one. So what happens when he finds one human he's kind of interested in? It gets blown out of proportion. He's going to become fixated on it, probably to an unhealthy point. Her scent drives him crazy. He wants to kill her and kiss her all at the same time. Unhealthy attachment, and he isn't distancing himself from her like he should. It isn't anything as romantic as love and it isn't going to end well.

"I'm here... which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." I frowned. "I'm an idiot." YES. YES YOU ARE. This is the part where you regain sanity and say to hell with the sparkly vampires. But you're not going to do that, are you? Of course not. It's the damned female tendency to love what does not want to be (or in this case, cannot be) loved.

Oh, oh, oh... oh honey, stay away from the throat... /exhale in a hiss. /lets go of the arm rests. Srsly, I think he is trying to kill her. Why is he testing his boundaries so shortly after admitting he has like no control around her?

Hmm. Forest nookie? Ahh, no, they're just going for a little flight on Air Edward.

Okay, we were doing much better Bella-wise. Now Edward is the one flaking out on us. The narration is fine, and Meyer handles the awkward moments well, to the point where I want to like it, but I cannot stand the combination of characters. Edward and Bella are a train wreck. That's all there is to it. And like a train wreck, you don't want to look but can't look away. There. I have discovered the success of the Twilight series.

CHAPTER 14

Interesting vamp background. Not so interesting to confirm he actually was spying on her for a while. Irritating that she found it kind of flattering. [later] Wait, is he actually *in* the room when he watches her? CREEPY.

Oops! Dad's home. And of course Edward doesn't leave. Oh no. He hides in her room. 'Coz that's totally smart and all, what with the self-admitted issues with self control around Bella.

"Bring on the shackles -- I'm your prisoner." But his long hands formed manacles around my wrists as he spoke. Symbolic, yes? Yes, I thought so too.

How cute, they "love" each other. Bella is a virgin (NO WAI!) and she wants to give it up to Edward. /puke

And they fell asleep together.

Let me just say that I am beyond disgusted and creeped out right now. Edward is the type of guy who is too obsessed to begin with, the type that if anything ever happened to Bella or she split with him, he would handle it very, very badly. Very badly. I cannot begin to express to you the negative thoughts and emotions surfacing that relate to my ex (who was very much an Edward). And Bella? TSTL. She's willfully throwing herself to the wolves, and she doesn't care. She's an idiot. This is a train wreck a la the Romeo and Juliet relationship. Except, you know, worse. Because he's a vampire and this has the potential to go on for an eternity.

Stephanie Meyer can write. She can write interesting personalities (as long as it isn't one of the main characters). She can write drama. That'll keep a lot of readers hooked, but I'm sorry, I can't stand the characters, and no amount of extra fun in the form of secondary characters is going to keep me hooked. (But I will still finish this as I'm morbidly curious now to see how badly this all ends. See the car crash phenomenon mentioned earler.)

Also, this comic is starting to make more sense to me now.

More to come. Stay tuned...

Previously reviewed:
Prologue, 1, 2
Chapters 3, 4, 5
Chapters 6, 7, 8
Chapter 9, 10, 11

Coming up:
Chapters 15, 16, 17
Chapters 18, 19, 20
Chapters 21, 22, 23
Chapter 24 and Epilogue

~Sass~

Twilight 9-11

2008-11-16T00:12:00.011-07:00

CHAPTER 9

Huh. He can't "hear" Bella's thoughts. That sounds oddly like... oh, what was that character... Sookie Stackhouse. Except this time it's the vampire that can read minds and it's the girl's thoughts that are hidden. (Did anyone else catch that or is that just me watching too much True Blood recently?)

Looks like this chapter is going to be one of those "as you know, Bob"s. This is fine by me as it doesn't leave Bella a lot of wiggle room to get all high maintenance.

He can't sleep? That... that just sucks. What does he do? (besides stalk Bella) How does he stay sane? Brains need sleep time. Reminds me of that guy that hasn't slept in like seven years or something ridiculous like that. Imma have to look him up later on Google.

She's tearing up at the thought of the car ride ending, of Edward leaving. Please, hon, quit being so needy. You will live if Edward isn't there. Hell, your life expectancy might go up.

Edward! Stop telling her you're dangerous. That is attractive to teenage girls. It's like telling a woman to refrain from eating chocolate and then setting a whole damn cake in front of her. And anyway, we get it. Just because you're friggin' sparkly doesn't mean you can pull a Bella and be all down on yourself. Leave that up to her. Trust me, she does it enough for the both of you.

Aww, they almost kissed. Idnit speshel.

CHAPTER 10

Edward is there in the morning to take her to school, unannounced. I'm trying to decide whether or not this is creepy.

*snort* I bet Jessica thinks they spent the night together. ... Ahh, nope. All she wanted to know was whether or not they kissed. I forgot how friggin' innocent some teenagers can be.

"Liquid topaz" eyes. This guy is like a regular mood ring... he's been gold and black so far, and now topaz. Isn't that a Mary Sue-ism or something? (Not like I can really nitpick this one as I concentrate pretty heavily on eyes in my own WIP. Werewolves and all. Gotta know to run when you see gold.)

And they're fighting over which one loves the other more. Gag me with a spoon.

Creepy Edward moment #3 - tell Charlie (her dad) you're going out with me. Why? His eyes were suddenly fierce. "To give me some small incentive to bring you back." Mental image there was of Bella dead on the side of the road with Edward going emo about having killed her by accident. Or, worse yet, they run away to be "together forever." This is on the right path so far to turn into a Romeo and Juliette train wreck of epic proportions.

CHAPTER 11

I think I'm starting to get numb to the irritating behaviors of Edward and Bella. Either that or it's late. Or maybe both. Some stuff made my eyes roll but nothing really worth a comment so far.

Sometimes it was so easy to like Mike. I was gonna say go ahead and go date him already, but then I thought... the guy is going to be happier without her, so never mind.

Perceptive guy, Mike is. "He looks at you like... like you're something to eat." Mebbe coz he's a vampire or something. I do appreciate the intelligence, though. At least someone is suspicious of the Cullens rather than bein' all zomg teh sparkulz!

Creepy Edward behavior #4 -- he listens in on all of her conversations.

Picked her up for school again. For as much as he says she should stay away from him, he sure does make it damn near impossible.

Creepy Edward behavior #5 -- he keeps running his hand down the side of her face.

Oh teh shit is going to hit the fan. Jacob's dad saw Edward with her. The Blacks are on the alert. (Wait... Black... Sirius Black... also a man into canine sort of person... did Meyer realize what was going on in her subconscious?)

I'm beginning to see why some people like the books. Some of the secondary characters are pretty interesting, and they have way better (and more believable) personalities than Bella. If I were beta reading this for Meyer, I would have told her to chuck the first few chapters and tone down Bella's misery. Like, almost rewrite her completely. It is possible to have a depression-laden character that isn't so infuriating to the readers but you have to know how to pull it off. She didn't pull it off. My sympathy (and empathy) for her right now is zero. Between the woe-is-me, the I'm-not-worthy, and the TSTL syndrome, I've already dismissed her. She doesn't even try in some things. Like gym. She automatically thinks she's going to suck and so she does. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Again, the clumsy thing is all mental. Has nothing to do with her motor skills or hand / eye coordination.

Anyway, it's late. Stay tuned for your daily dose of teenaged angst.

Previously reviewed:
Prologue, 1, 2
Chapters 3, 4, 5
Chapters 6, 7, 8

Coming up:
Chapters 12, 13, 14
Chapters 15, 16, 17
Chapters 18, 19, 20
Chapters 21, 22, 23
Chapter 24 and Epilogue

~Sass~

Twilight 6-8

2008-11-14T18:45:00.014-07:00

CHAPTER 6

Ahh, finally, someone is beginning to dislike Bella. Oddly enough, she's not as pessimistic this chapter (so far). She even called the forests "gorgeous" and was excited about the semi-sunny day. Hell, she's almost downright tolerable in this chapter.

Enter Jacob. So far he's a nice enough guy. The "scary story" was cutely told. I don't know that I like Bella leading him on in order to glean information, but she's still not being pessimistic, so I can deal with it. This is a surprisingly good chapter so far.

Oh, woops, teh end. Yeah, definitely a much better chapter. Please to keep this up, Steph, kk? No moar woe-is-me or I'm-not-worthy? Please? Maybe?

CHAPTER 7

Dreams! Relevant dreams. Life-threatening dreams. Werewolf vs Vampire vs Human (teh fux, why is Mike in the dream? lol. Poor guy) /popcorn

Blah, blah, blah... more pretty tolerable stuff... hey, is this the part where she listens to Linkin Park?

Oh great, she's going into the forest. Alone. Didn't you ever watch B movies, Bella? Srsly. /throws popcorn at imaginary movie screen

"Could the Cullens be vampires?" NO WAI! /gasp Oh, but he's so dreamy, I want to be with him even if... *covers own mouth in mock horror*

He smiled back, his brown eyes crinkling around the edges. When Charlie smiled, it was easier to see why he and my mother had jumped too quickly into an early marriage.

Do you see this, Bella? This is me glaring at you through the pages of the book. I'm boring a hole in your pale, depressed head. Lissin to yerself. Learn from your mother's mistakes.

Oh Christ, here she goes getting depressed again. This girl is needy. You'd think the world just ended for how sad she is about Edward not being in class for a day. Hardcore unhealthy puppy love. I remember it well. I also killed it viciously (the love, not the puppy. jeeze).

At least the chapter ends on a positive note about Bella getting happier. I kind of feel sorry for Mike, though. Between vampires and werewolves most chicks choose the vampire, and between monsters and humans everyone picks the monsters. Poor things. Humans get no love anymore. (And honestly, I would have stuck with Mike and said to hell with Edward or Jacob. The guy is sweet, and genuinely interested.)

CHAPTER 8

*snort* Ha! Go Tyler. (the prom thing)

Okay, come on. If you get lost in an unfamiliar town, you go back the way you came. You do not try to circle around the block or anything else that might qualify you as TSTL (too stupid to live). We went over this in the forest. You admitted you had like no sense of direction or something. Don't take shortcuts through warehouse-ville trying to find your way back.

Cornered. Yeah. TSTL. /sigh

Oh damn! It's Edward to the rescue, and he's pissed (rightfully so, in this case). Who saw that one coming? /raises hand

Crap. I kind of like Edward right now. He's all carefully contained violence with a softy heart and infuriatingly vague answers and... no! BAD Sassee! You have your own alpha male, concentrate on him. Think happy werewolf thoughts... big, muscly, deep-voiced werewolf thoughts... *stops to ponder if she should maybe go read her own WIP for the steamy scene*

Wait, never mind. Edward was following her all day? /creepy

My eyeballs, they roll. Edward is a drama queen.

Okay, that was better than the first few chapters. Bella was merely TSTL rather than overwhelmingly depressing. I'll take TSTL over that earlier attitude any day. This is getting marginally more interesting only because I have a faux crush for every alpha male I come across in fiction. Usually this is fixed by some sort of unacceptable behavior by said alpha male. If rumor is true I shall not be disappointed.

For now I have cautious optimism that we are leaving behind annoying-as-fux Bella. TSTL Bella I can deal with as long as it isn't depressed-as-all-hell Bella (God, that's kind of sad, isn't it?).

More to come later!

Previously reviewed:
Prologue, 1, 2
Chapters 3, 4, 5

Coming up:
Chapters 9, 10, 11
Chapters 12, 13, 14
Chapters 15, 16, 17
Chapters 18, 19, 20
Chapters 21, 22, 23
Chapter 24 and Epilogue

~Sass~

Good Idea, Bad Idea

2008-11-14T13:26:00.004-07:00

Good idea: Offer to pay your outstanding balance.

Bad idea: Offer to pay your outstanding balance with a picture of a spider.

(If this is too small to read, click here.)

Twilight 3-5

2008-11-13T23:25:00.010-07:00

Twilight readings, continued.

CHAPTER 3

Okay, I think I got it now. She has a phobia of being happy. How else do you explain this sentence?

"I felt excited to go to school, and that scared me."

What? Really?

And you "should" avoid Edward after yesterday? Why? Good God, girl. Is there a spine anywhere in that mush you call your back? It's okay to be embarrassed, but don't make it your epic superpower of depression.

Plus, she hates snow. Now, I can understand hating ice. She's insecure-clumsy (entirely different than lack of muscle coordination). Ice is like her kryptonite. But she looks out the window at snow in the morning like someone dropped a bunch of dead bodies on the lawn. At this point, she is either really failing the sarcasm check, or the mood is tacked on. Either way, the behavior is starting to come across as fake. (I say this because she'll start moving towards positive narration or positive thoughts and then shies away from it like it's going to kill her. No! I'm going out of character! Must go back to cranky!)

... and she doesn't like the attention from boys. It's "disconcerting." My eyebrow, it slices the air.

Okay, wait. I'm not even 3 pages into here and I have to keep stopping for a comment. "I wasn't used to being taken care of"... but her mother stayed home while her new husband went out to work so that she could be with her daughter, be there for her daughter, and emails her daughter wanting to know if she's okay and does she like it up there in Washington. Then some of her fellow students offer to walk her to classes and cover her butt in gym class. But she's not used to being taken care of. Right. That's believable. De Nile, hon. It ain't a river in Egypt.

The rescue was pretty cool. Edward is understandably denying he did much of anything, and Bella is on to him (finally, she sticks to her guns), but now he's being kind of an ass to her in the hospital. And I do have to admit having a similarity to Bella. I also tear up and go silent when I get angry. It annoys the piss out of me, too.

CHAPTER 4

Ah ha! A chapter that didn't start out with a negative comment. Progress!

And her mom finally notices that she's depressed through the "tone" of her emails. Um... did you MISS your daughter's behavior before or were you just ignoring it? Honestly. Depression is pretty damn hard to miss, especially with such a pessimistic person.

Still wondering about Edward. Eye-changing, fist clenching, ignoring, etc.

Beginning to wonder if the guys' interest in her is genuine attraction to her or more of a male dominance / pissing contest thing. See who can get the first date with the new girl. I'm not saying it's that openly hostile. More of a subtle thing. But it's there. Could turn into actual attraction. Just thought I'd toss that out.

"I couldn't allow him to have this level of influence over me. It was pathetic. More than pathetic, it was unhealthy."

I think I just fainted.

Okay, the middle of this chapter is amusing. See, I knew Stephanie could do better. Now if she just keeps it up through the rest of the novel...

GDI. I spoke too soon. More woe-is-me. And oh, here we go with the sparkly vampires. He doesn't like me, but oh, he's so dreamy... /puke.

More amusement. I really do like the irritated banter. I'm a sucker for it, and she does it well.

Oh hey! I found my first creepy Edward comment/behavior/thing! "But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella!" It sounds like a line, you know? Hint of stalker. Dash of complimentary to cover it up.

CHAPTER 5

Well, I guess Edward gets points for admitting he's not a good guy and actually warns Bella about it multiple times. Gives her a chance to back out while she still can. (ooooo, look at me being all foreshadowy and creepylike)

Okay, this bothers me:

"So, as long as I'm being... not smart, we'll try to be friends?" I struggled to sum up the confusing exchange.
"That sounds about right."

--_--

Banter, banter, banter... I've decided that's her strength. She should run with it more often.

Hey now, what's this? A fear of blood or a fear of needles? Ahh, blood. *snort* Wonder how that'll go over when she starts gettin' more serious with Edward. Even he thinks it's amusing.

Yes, Mike's behavior is confirming my earlier theory. I think him and the other 2 boys want to be the first to date Bella so that they can claim a victory over sparkly Edward (and yes, there may be some genuine concern and affection there, but that's not as interesting as my mini conspiracy theory and you know it).

Creepy Edward behavior #2 -- get in the car or else. Also, I lawled when she said her mom thought she was born 35 years old and she was all "well, someone has to be the adult." Coz she's so mature and all. (Though this is fairly typical if a little more obvious than usual behavior. Damn teenagers think they know everything.)

More banter. I like the banter. Did I mention that?

Overall, the tally is still take-it-or leave it. Some amusing parts. A lot of frustrating parts. When I picked up the book this evening to read it I almost put it right back down again, chapter 3 annoyed me that much. The only reason I kept reading was that I said I was going to read it. But after that it got more tolerable and during the banter it was actually enjoyable. Again, I have no problem with her writing. From a reader's point of view, she writes very well. But Bella needs to be on anti-depressants or something. I'm happy that she's gaining a personality but she strikes me as very high emotional maintenance.

More to come later!

Previously reviewed:
Prologue, 1, 2

Coming up:
Chapters 6, 7, 8
Chapters 9, 10, 11
Chapters 12, 13, 14
Chapters 15, 16, 17
Chapters 18, 19, 20
Chapters 21, 22, 23
Chapter 24 and Epilogue

~Sass~

Prepare for Bella

2008-11-12T23:40:00.013-07:00

Twilight. Yeah, I'm readin' it. I decided that I needed to form my own valid, first-hand-experienced opinion of it. And guess what? You guys get to join me! Aren't you excited? I'm going to review it chapter by chapter as I read. Teh fun, I can hardly stand it.

(I may be going into this a little biased, if you couldn't tell.)

My purpose here is two-fold. I want to find out why the hell everyone either really loves or really hates this book, and I want to gain some personal insight about how not to write a main character. Why, you ask. Why would I make that judgment before reading it? For starters, even the people that liked the book don't really like Bella. They like all the other characters and the general storyline. I hear she's pretty whiny or some such and I want to make sure I avoid that (because I do have a character that starts out passive, and I don't want her to incite such a strong negative response from some readers).

So... here we go. First few chapters.

PROLOGUE

Erm... was there a point here? Onoes she's gonna die but not really coz the book is about vampires? I've only read this little bit and I see that trick coming from a mile away.

Writing style isn't bad, though. Onward.

CHAPTER 1

Why do we not find out immediately why she's moving back to Washington state? She obviously doesn't want to go. Is she masochistic? She's pretty depressing, I tell you what. My high school experience wasn't all rainbow poops and candy mountain either, but I don't remember being quite that depressed. Even the days I came home and cried I wasn't that down on myself. I mean, I was depressed, but I wasn't thinking zomg I are teh suck no one loves me /crai. It was more of a frustration thing. I can very quickly see how Bella needs to get over herself and look for something happy to focus on. Or at least seek some professional help for that depression. Also, she fails the sarcasm check. A lot.

Edward is kind of amusing. I expect him to pop a vein at any moment (pun not intended). Got me curious as to what his deal is, coz that guy is pissed as all hell.

The writing style isn't bad. I'm enjoying it. (She needs to work on her flow, though, and there's some noobish mistakes in here... says the noob. Shush.) I kind of wish she had picked a different character or even a different story, TBH, because this one isn't doing her justice. I understand that my expressed opinions may be her intention but come on woman! You can do better. I mean that as the highest form of compliment, not a put down. She needed to drop Bella like a sack of potatoes and try something more positive. Maybe the writing community would have been more forgiving of mistakes had she actually written a likable main character.

Anyway, on to chapter 2.

CHAPTER 2

"The next day was better... and worse."

First line and already annoyed. Srsly, we know you don't like where you are in life. Stop it. Also, she's very fixated on beauty. I mean, a lot of teenagers (or people in general, I suppose) are fixated on appearance, but she's very much all about people's beauty. This is contrary, I think, to most people with her sort of attitude -- isn't she supposed to be jealous and downplaying their beauty? Hmm.

Gotta find out the deal with Edward. Why's he avoiding her? [later] Wait, no, there he is. And Bella seems to rise from her funk when she talks with him. They should talk more often so there is less woe-is-me going on.

I kind of like Bella's dad, Charlie. He seems nice. And poor Mike the Classmate stands no chance against the likes of a vampire that sparkles. Sorry dude.

Overall, the book is very take it or leave it for me right now. I'm continuing to read it because I'm bored out of my mind and I told you guys I would read it and comment on it. We'll see how I feel in a few more chapters.

More to come later. Stay tuned!

Coming up:
Chapters 3, 4, 5
Chapters 6, 7, 8
Chapters 9, 10, 11
Chapters 12, 13, 14
Chapters 15, 16, 17
Chapters 18, 19, 20
Chapters 21, 22, 23
Chapter 24 and Epilogue

~Sass~

Happy Fun Ball... IRL

2008-11-12T14:00:00.004-07:00

Srsly.

Remember this SNL sketch?

Now check this out... we made one. (Sort of.)

Does anyone else wonder if they blew up a lab testing that thing? 'Coz that would be ossim.

Just beware, bad doods of the world... do not taunt happy fun ball.

~Sass~

Yep, They Still Get Bonuses

2008-11-11T11:12:00.002-07:00

Financial insitutions we bailed out will still give bonuses to their executives, but, you know, they'll be reduced by as much as 70%.

Good to know where my tax money went.

Quote of the Day:

(Wall Street)
Gordon Gekko: The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And greed, you mark my words, will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA.

~Sass~

Gen X'ers

2008-11-07T10:57:00.003-07:00

This chick nailed it on the head.

***NOTE: If you don't care much for Obama, skip the first few paragraphs. But read the rest because it's a damned accurate portrayal of our generation.

An open apology to boomers everywhere

***ANOTHER NOTE: Okay, I was born in '83, I'm not Gen X. But my parents were baby boomers, so this still counts.

~Sass~

All I Want For Xmas...

2008-11-06T10:06:00.002-07:00

... is a zombie plush!

It should probably say something about me that this is the cutest friggin' thing I've seen all year, and I would absolutely *squee* in delight if I actually got one as a present.

Yeah, I'm warped.

But look at it. The legs come off... the arms come off... the head comes off... you can remove its brain. And the little sticky things that velcro the pieces together can be mixed and matched, so you could switch arms and legs and stuff. This thing is so full of win I can't hardly stand it!

So yeah. Someone buy me this thing for Christmas.

Quote of the Day:

(My Boyfriend's Back)
Dr. Bronson: Okay, well, you're dead. Which is unusual, because we don't normally see this much activity in a dead person.

~Sass~

Wal-Mart? Srsly?

2008-11-05T08:05:00.003-07:00

Caught up on my daily blog reading and was highly disturbed by a Smart Bitches article.

Apparently, Wal-Mart can make or break an author.

You don't sell well (or at all) at Wal-Mart, you don't get your contract renewed for a second book. Or you have a damned hard time of it. They are the world's largest bookseller (wtf?) and they control your numbers like a pimp controls his 'ho.

As an aspiring first time author, this scares the shit out of me.

Now, Smart Bitches normally only focuses on Romance. I write Urban Fantasy. How does this affect me?

Urban Fantasy is one of those genres that rides the line between three prominent genres: Fantasy, Romance, and Mystery (sometimes a fourth: Horror). And while I don't generally hear about a lot of Urban Fantasy hitting the Mystery shelves, I have personally come across a lot of cross-shelving between Urban Fantasy and Paranormal Romance. If the book doesn't sell well as one genre, they can stick it in the other and watch the sales grow. My book has a strong relationship element to it and an editor may even sell the book as the relationship being the major plot point (which is what defines a book as Romance). So I could very well become a Romance author instead of a Fantasy author, and in that case, I'll have to rely on Wal-Mart to get my book out there.

It makes me ill.

But hey, I shouldn't be counting my chickens before they hatch. I'm not published yet, I haven't even queried anything, so I could be worrying for nothing.

But it still makes me ill.

Quote of the Day:

Wal-mart... do they like make walls there?
-- Paris Hilton

~Sass~

Oh Snap

2008-11-04T22:30:00.005-07:00

Yes, sir. Yes we can.

/virtual fistbump

Quote of the Day:

Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself. Because it's only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential.
-- Barack Obama

~Sass~

Tricksy Voters

2008-11-04T08:23:00.004-07:00

I so pilfered the image from Google. Couldn't help myself. Fit the post I'm about to write.

This isn't about who I'm voting for, or who I think is going to win, or how very tired I am of this election (good God, are we there yet? srsly).

This is about those assholes that think if you don't agree with them, you shouldn't be voting.

Those of you that read the news yesterday (or even over the weekend) probably saw this, and I read it yesterday too. Thing is, I was so pissed off I couldn't even blog about it. I thought hey, we're in the twenty-first century, there's still some pretty fucked up shit out there but we're getting better. There are debates, there is some progress on the emotional / political / everything front. We're not perfect but we're working on it.

I really, really, hate being wrong.

This article caused me to lose a little faith (a lot, actually) in my fellow countrymen.

In Philly:
-- fliers stating if you have unpaid parking tickets or criminal convictions you'll be arrested at the polls

In Virginia:
-- fliers stating that there are so many voters turning out for the election that there will, in fact, be two elections: Repubs vote on Tuesday, Dems vote on Wednesday

In New Mexico:
-- a P.I. hired by a Repub lawyer harrassed a couple of hispanic women wanting to see proof of citizenship to show that their voter registration was legit

In Pennsylvania:
-- emails targeting Jewish-Americans circulated linking Obama to the holocost, telling them that they "cannot afford to make the wrong decision on Tuesday, Nov. 4"
-- leaflets saying people with prior criminal offenses will be arrested if they show up to vote
-- fliers stating Obama is more sympathetic to Palestinians than to Israel

In Nevada:
-- phone calls from bogus Obama supporters urging Latino citizens to vote over the phone

Really? Really? Sigh.

What is it with this fear of "the other guy winning"? Why do people get so afraid about what will happen if their chosen candidate loses? What goes on in their head that they start justifying mistreatment of their fellow citizens in order to validate themselves and their choice for president / senator / governer / whatever? Are we that insecure? It's like someone draws a line in the sand and says if you're not on the right side you are devilspawn and I must kill you now. Literally, I think this goes through people's heads.

But it doesn't make sense.

What kind of conditioning have we grown up with to fear our fellow man that much? Don't get me wrong, I don't want to sit around in a circle holding hands and singing Kumbaya. But for fuck's sake, could we maybe not be so defensive and instead try to, I don't know, restrain ourselves from beating the crap out of each other both mentally and physically every time there's some sort of disagreement? Can we not maybe say, hey, I disagree with you, but this is America and I respect the fact that you have an opinion even if it isn't the same as mine? Apparently this is too hard of a concept for a lot of people to grasp.

Honestly, this sort of thing should be a big clue for the fanatics out there. If you have to resort to trickery, if you have to stoop that low in order to influence the polls, then maybe -- just maybe -- it wasn't meant to be. Sorry. That's how life goes. You can't win all the time, you shouldn't expect to win all the time, and you shouldn't go apeshit if you think you're going to lose. Losing is not a bad thing. It is not the end of the world. The universe will not implode on itself if we find out the other guy won. If I find out my choice for president didn't win, I'm not going to run out into the streets swinging an Uzi around and take out everyone in the immediate vicinity. You know what I'm going to do? I'll be pissed for a couple of days, and then I'll get over it. Despite what either party is saying right now, one person does not have that much influence over our country. Guess what? That's why we have a senate, a congress, all these local levels of government, etc etc. We have those checks and balances for a reason.

Last I checked, we all live in the same country. United States of America. See that? UNITED. It's right there in the name of our country. We are not the OMGPANIC States of America. We are not the GTFO States of America. We are not the Secular States of America.

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

Grow up, people. Seriously.

Quote of the Day:

(Team America)
Gary Johnston: We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!

~Sass~

Oh My

2008-11-03T08:20:00.003-07:00

Remember when I showed you my first 51 word "phase" for the start of my NaNo novel? And I was like yeah, I can so turn this into 500 or 1000 words?

Yeah. It turned into 2200.

This is good in that I now know the phase thing works, but now it makes me think about it harder, because apparently I am very good at stretching word count. (What a surprise, right?) Means I need to map out the rest of my phases with a quickness. (No, I did not have them all planned and ready to go. Come on, you know me, I don't plan. lol)

The minimum word count needed per day is 1667 to make it to 50k by November 30th. My personal goal is 2k a day. I mean, it's only 333 words more, not that hard. Very much obtainable if I remember last year's experience correctly.

Only thing is, I wrote 1630 words on Saturday, and 743 on Sunday. I was supposed to have 3400 words to work with this morning and I only have 2373. Good 1k short of the minimum, and I had planned to write 4k by now. Not a very spectacular start.

Buuuuuut... I do like the story, and I'll continue on with it to see if I can get a decent chunk written this month. No one says you HAVE to get 50k. 40 or 45k would still be a nice accomplishment. It would be more than I've written the rest of this year, anyway. (Pretty sad, I know.)

So how is your NaNo going? Are you doing better than I am? Someone want to have a word war with me this week to keep me motivated?

Quote of the Day:

(Rocky Horror Picture Show)
Janet: What have you done to Brad?
Frank: Nothing. Why, do you think I should?

~Sass~

Gettin' Yer Goth On

2008-10-31T08:45:00.006-06:00

Ahhh, Halloween. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

Firstly, you should know that I have chopped seven inches of hair off my head and am now damned shmexy if I do say so myself. (Sorry, no pictures, because I only have a camera phone and it sucks worse than a vampire. Hee! Sucks.. vampire... okay, fine, I'll stop.) After the hair choppings I straightened it, and for today I have sprayed purply goodness all over the tips so I'm channeling my inner Goth.

Which I have to say is quite fun, and now I want to make purple lowlights a part of my every day hair color. Kind of like this color:

I have dark ashy-brown hair so I'm thinking the purple lowlights would go well with it. Wot u saiz? Think I can pull it off?

*** Note: I was never brave enough to chop my hair or color it in my younger days, so I'm now having a belated onset of hair experimentation fever. Unfortunate considering I work in corporate cube land and really can't go all out. Sigh.

*** Follow up note: I mentioned this to my supervisor, about the "I wanna do this but I work in an office" thing, and she's like "...and?" So perhaps I can get away with it. /eyebrow

Anyway, I went in search of purple hair dye and it seems all I can get is demi-permanent stuff that lasts 3-6 weeks. But I LOL'd a little at this site, where they mentioned some glow in the dark hair colors:

The following colors glow under black light:

Atomic Pink , Nuclear Red ,Cherry Bomb, Hi-Octane Orange, Joyride, Cupcake Pink, Bright as F#@$ Yellow, Napalm Orange

Does anyone else think "Bright as F#@$ Yellow" is just about the best hair color name EVER? Srsly.

Oh, and we're having a Halloween party at our house tonight. We're having like 10 people over (I think?) and we went out last night and got all the little decoration stuff like a pumpkin-laden table cloth, paper plates, napkins, orange plastic cups, bone-shaped plastic cutlery, and a big orange punch bowl. Did we remember to buy the punch? No. Sigh. (And the punch WILL be spiked, mark my words!) We did get some games, though -- Battle of the Sexes, Urban Myth, and Twister (come on, drunken twister? that is so full of win). We'll be playing some amusing and/or scary movies in the background, things like Young Frankenstein, Underworld, The Goonies, Shaun of the Dead, etc. There will be much snacking and drinking and absolutely silly costuming. Yes, that is a word. 'Coz I said so.

Also, this amuses the hell out of me (refresh the page, by the time you get here you will have missed the beginning of it). I know it has nothing to do with Halloween, but I have to share. HAVE TO. You will thank me later. (And even if you don't, you can forward the madness to other people! Muahahahaha!) Why yes, I am feeling ornery today, why do you ask?

Also, we're at the final countdown to the official start of NaNoWriMo. As expected their servers have blown themselves up with the hundreds of thousands of people trying to log on and sign up or update things all at the same time. The server spasms are a normal NaNo experience. They're like a regular rite of passage or something. Wouldn't be NaNo without the yearly server crash. I'm debating on whether I want to stay up late and start writing at midnight or go to bed and get up early to write. Hmm.

So what are YOU doing for All Hallows Eve?

Quote of the Day:

(Labyrinth)
Sarah: Ow! It bit me!
Hoggle: What'd you expect fairies to do?
Sarah: I thought they did nice things, like... like granting wishes.
Hoggle: Shows what *you* know, don't it?

~Sass~

I am... Remus Lupin

2008-10-27T15:50:00.004-06:00

Does anyone else think this a horribly coincidental test result? I ended up being the werewolf character.

(Clue-by-four for those of you who don't know... my current WIP is about a werewolf girl.)

Harry Potter Personality Quiz

Quote of the Day:

(Teen Wolf)
Harold Howard: Listen son. You're going to be able to do a lot of things the other guys aren't.
Scott Howard: Oh yeah, like chase cars, and bite the mailman?

~Sass~

I Can Has Mystery?

2008-10-24T12:50:00.002-06:00

This is it, then. I've decided to write a mystery for NaNoWriMo.

The closest I've ever come to a mystery is playing around with a whodunnit sort of thing with a murder in the first half of my first book. Lots of experience with mystery, let me tell you. So what did I do to educate myself? Ran over and asked the good peeps of AbsoluteWrite, that's what!

Got some pretty good info, too. Clair Dickenson brought Thundering Clichés to my attention (which is hilarious), and Ruv Draba posted a pretty good summary of what constitutes a Mystery novel as upposed to other genres. Both are excellent reading.

Then, on a general NaNo tangent, I came across a free book by Lazette Gifford. It's called... NaNo For The New And The Insane.

I love that book. Love. It.

Why?

Because of pages 38-48.

Here, I shall quote part of it for you (because it is, after all, free, and I have given credit where it's due!):

A few years ago I started a new type of outlining I've called the Phase System. It helped me write Kat among the Pigeons -- 102,610 words -- in ten days. Because of the amount of detail in the phase-outline, I wrote 10,000 words a day without ever having to pause or fret over does this work or what comes next problems.

The phase-outline for that particular novel ran over 10,000 words. I can see many of you wincing. An outline that long? Isn't that a waste of time and energy? It depends on what you get out of it in the end. Every one of those 10,000 gained me about eleven words in the novel's first draft. The two weeks I spent writing out the phase outline cut the time I wrote the novel from about fifty-five days (at an average of two thousand words a day -- about where I write under normal circumstances) to eleven days. Even adding the fourteen days it took to write the outline, that's still forty days less than it would have taken me normally.

[[[snipped]]]

Okay, so what exactly is this method?

Phases are written out as key phrases that will bring the action into focus. A phase can be clues to dialogue, if that's what the section's focus is centered around, or it might be a little bit of description, or a set of actions... anything that will make the story move another few hundred words.

Usually a 'phase' will only run from twenty to fifty words in the outline. For instance, this is an example from Gathering (Book 7 of the Dark Staff series -- and this is first draft with only a little touch up).

Phase Outline section:

1. Tristan in the room aboard the ship, resting, thinking about going home, feeling the world changing. It feels like traveling between realities, without any of the work. (28 words)

These few words translated to this:

Going somewhere else...

Tristan rested on the soft bed, feeling out the ship around him and the power beyond it. The metal shell moved through the same space where he and Abby had traveled so often before. Each time they had slipped from one reality to another, leaving friends behind.

Their quest had come at such a cost to them that sometimes he wondered if the Goddess really understood the needs of flesh and blood, whether human or elf. He wondered what she expected, in the end. Did she understand what she asked of her son, and what he paid that she could never give back?

Or could she? They were going... home this time.

He pushed that thought away as quickly as it came.

He could feel the magic brushing against the craft, whispering through the walls and calling to him with a seductive offer of power that he knew, from experience, he could not wholly control. Dangerous power, a dangerous passage... he had never fully understood this place that stood between realities.

The one thing he did know, however, was that this was far less work. He could rest this time, he and Abby both, before they...

He shivered a little.

Tristan?

Abby, somewhere else on the ship, had felt his worry surge up through the crowns. I'm all right. (222 words)

[[[snipped]]]

I look at what I think the novel's length should be and try to work within those parameters. For instance, a young adult mystery might only run 60,000 words. If I have 300 phases written out, then I only need 200 words per phase.

On the other hand, if I'm writing a space opera, I know that I'll likely need the final word count to be at least 125,000 words. If I've only written out 300 phases, that would mean about 417 words per phase. In a case like that, I would likely go back through the phase outline and start looking for areas to expand. If I can add another 100 phases, then I only need 312 or so words per phase. If I can get the number of phases up to 500, then I only need 250 words per phase. This can be a real help during NaNo, where you can look at writing short pieces and making headway on the story. Obviously for NaNo most of you will want to reach 50,000 words. Here is how this might break out for you:

• 60 Phases in the outline -- 834 words per phase -- 2 phase sections per day
• 120 Phases in the outline -- 417 words per phase -- 4 phase sections per day
• 150 Phases in the outline -- 334 words per phase -- 5 phase sections per day
• 300 Phases in the outline -- 167 words per phase -- 10 phase sections per day

Phases rarely ever come out at the exact word count assigned to them. If you assign a lower word count than you expect to do, you're more likely to go over what you need, and that's good from a morale point of view. It will help you move on to the next phase. I've had 200 word phases go to over 1000 words, and I've had some come in at less than 100 words. Don't make your story line fit to the phase word count, though it if is short you might consider adding some details.

When you write out a phase in the outline, get key words and actions into the line. Then let your mind flow to where the character/story would go next. Write it out. If it doesn't work, erase it and try again. Drop in descriptions and clues to dialogue.

[[[snipped]]]

You might -- as I have from time to time -- find that some phases need to be cut, or others need to be added in. Do it. Don't worry about it. What looks clear-cut during the outlining phases sometimes shows a few holes later. Adding and subtracting is fine in limitation. Just don't rewrite the entire outline.

During NaNo I divide the phases up by days to give myself a set number to do. I list everything out in a Microsoft Excel worksheet. Ten phases of 200 words each is 2000 words. A story can move forward very quickly that way.

Oh my God. You can write a novel ahead of time and not cheat! This is an outline for those who don't like outlining... after all, you're still alowing your creative juices to flow, and going back to rewrite 20 words into 200 words is sort of like revising anyway, so there's room to play. It somehow seems more freeing than a traditional sort of outline.

With that in mind, I've got my first little "phase" ready to go (which is kind of long, but you know, I'm working on it):

-- Nikki Swank sits at her desk. David Jones makes his entrance. Nikki puts down her 40oz and makes a smoke ring with her cigar. What do you want? I need your help locating an object. What are you paying me? Lots. We have a deal. Can I get your number? No.

51 Words. I can easily turn that into 500, or even 1000. This is such an easy method, and I can make major mistakes here without having to go back and fix 20k worth of story. I'd maybe have to go back and fix 10 little "phases." This is so full of win I can't hardly stand it.

Now, wait, hold on. I can see some of you trying to slice the air with that eyebrow of yours. Nikki Swank? David "Davey" Jones? Oh yes. These are my characters. I haven't told you about them, have I? [insert wicked grin here]

Nikki Swank is a pr0n name. I'm going to admit that up front for all to see. It was the name I got when I entered my real name into a pr0n name generator, and I liked it so well that I figured, what the hell, I'm going to use it in my NaNo. Davey Jones I just figured was a ridiculously appropriate name match to Nikki Swank. The Pirate and the Prostitute kind of thing. It makes me giggle every time I think about it. I think I might even give him a pirate tattoo and a ruggedly dark appearance.

What? Don't look at me like that. It's awesome and you know it.

So anyway, with some mystery tropes in mind from the earlier list I linked you, I decided that she must 1) have an office, 2) smoke cigars, 3) have a stash of bourbon or whiskey or some such other drink in her desk, 4) have a hot, possibly shirtless man (thanks DA for the suggestion, lol) walk into her office to ask for help, 5) have an entire area of her house dedicated to collections of rare and expensive cigars and alcohol, 6) play jazz music in her office to attract affluent clients, and 7) have a six shooter that somehow never runs out of bullets.

She's also about 30 years old, lives in modern times with a cell phone et al, couldn't tell you anything about the cigars or alcohol she collects (she does it because it helps her image), isn't at all familiar with jazz...

And she dies.

Now, hold on, don't have a hissy fit. I did not just give away the ending.

But I'm not going to tell you what I mean, either. Muahahaha! (You're free to guess, though, and I'd actually like to see you try!)

Anyway, I gotta cut this short. I am still at work, after all. I just wanted to share because, like I said, it makes me giggle.

Quote of the Day:

(Pirates of the Caribbean)
Barbossa: You're supposed to be dead!
Jack Sparrow: Am I not?

~Sass~

Sekwet Weaponz!

2008-10-20T21:50:00.003-06:00

This is so priceless it needs its own MasterCard commercial. Thanks for sharing, Melanie!

Quote of the day:

(Scarface)
Tony Montana: Say hello to my little friend!

~Sass~

I Has a TWENNY FIEV!!1!!one!

2008-10-17T09:15:00.005-06:00

Happy Birfday to me! YAY! How shall I spend the day?

1 - Goofing off at work. Oh wait, I already do that...
2 - Drinks for everyone!
3 - Pub Food, here I come. Nyam, nyam, nyam...
4 - Movie? Hmmmmmmmmm
5 - Writing. Duh!
6 - Homework. *grumble, grumble* Maybe I'll do that at work so I don't have to at home. Yes, that sounds appropriately ebil.
7 - Spamming the intarwebz with news of mai birfday!

Some other things that are 25 years old today:

Daniel Booko
Born on the same day in the same year. I don't know who he is, but he's hawt anyway!

... okay that was all I could really find for things that happened on the exact day of the exact year I was born. But here's some other leet people that were born on Oct 17th:

Rita Hayworth was born in 1918

Evel Knievel was born in 1938
... crazy bastid!

Robert Jordan was born in 1948 (holy shit we shared a birthday?)

Alan Jackson was born in 1958
... srsly.

Mr. Slim Shady himself was born in 1972

Sum popular muzak in 1983:

Eurythmics -- Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) album released
Nena -- 99 Luftballons (99 Red Balloons) released
R.E.M. -- Murmur album released
Red Hot Chili Peppers wuz born!

What happened in TV that year?

The Disney Channel, CMT, and Spike TV (then known as "TNN" or "The Nashville Network") all began broadcasting.

Webster, The A Team, Fraggle Rock, and Love Connection made their debut.

M*A*S*H* ended. (Yes, it was that long ago.)

Feeling old yet? No? Let's look at what movies were released that year... *evil laugh*

Flashdance
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life
National Lampoon's Vacation
The Outsiders
Risky Business
Return of the Jedi
Scarface
Strange Brew ("take off, eh! hoser!")
Terms of Endearment
Trading Places
War Games

And just for fun - I Love 1983

So, what did I forget? What else happened in 1983? What were YOU doing in 1983?

Quote of the Day:

(Strange Brew)
Doug McKenzie: The power of the force has stopped you, you hosers.

~Sass~

The Week In Funnies

2008-10-16T13:55:00.002-06:00

Random internet browsings while trying to retain my sanity.

Beverly Hills Cthulhu -

Sure, a talking dog movie is money in the bank, but what about a talking Great Old One movie? Cthulhu is all the rage these days - there are freaking Cthulhu bunny slippers, for Yog-Sothoth's sake! And since Lovecraft's creations are all public domain, a studio could pen the script without having to license any rights. The time is ripe for Cthulhu to rise again...with a perky blond sidekick.

Upside Down Dogs

Scalzi wants his friend to dance like a monkey.

First, folks, a bit of context. Chad is, like, six feet, 28,000 inches. He’s a pretty big dude. And as everyone knows, large dudes are funny to watch dancing. But there’s more! He’s also a physicist and a fully tenured professor or such, and as well all know, the overlap between “tenured physics professors” and “adept dancers” is trivially small. Finally, Chad has a sort of gawky, innate dignity — he’s a friendly sort, but let’s just say I’ve never seen him prone to wanton acts of physical comedy.

The Last Psychiatrist reviews Wanted -

I didn't say it was good, I said it was GREAT. It contains all the elements a pathologically narcissistic and emasculated generation of men need to make themselves feel good again, without marijuana OR facebook. Let's review...

VG Cats #258: The Comedian

The 25 Most Disturbing Sex Toys
*** soooooo not safe for work ***

Hedonism got way out of a hand when the internet came along and the sex toy market exploded like, well, a bukkake video. Where once it was simple shoulder massagers and turkey basters that had to be adapted to nefarious purposes, nowadays anything you can think of (and probably a few dozen things you could never think of) are out there to give some lonely shut-in the pleasure they can't get from molesting a damp slice of bread. Things like these ...

Quote of the day:

(Scrubs)
Turk: He was up all night with a high fever, cramping and crying.
J.D.: Dude!
Turk: Oh, my bad. Not crying, punching the wall all manly and angry like, you know what I mean?

~Sass~