Case of the Mondays

What I think about when I get to work:
1. Damn I have a lot of homework to do.
2. Damn I have a lot of house work to do.
3. When am I going to have time to work on my novel?

What I think about when I get home:
1. Don't want to do homework.
2. Don't want to do house work.
3. When am I going to have time to work on my novel?

What I think about when I'm doing my homework:
1. I should really do some house work. This place is a mess.
2. When am I going to have time to work on my novel?

What I'm thinking about when I'm doing house work:
1. This is way better than doing homework.
3. When am I going to have time to work on my novel?

What I think about when I'm actually writing my novel:
1. I should really be doing my homework.
2. I should really be doing the house work.
3. I should be working right now, but eff it, it's almost the end of the day.


Brought to you by A.D.D. Because only having one thing to think about is clearly too boring!

Oh Look, a Shiny!

Today, while our system at work decided to go tits up for a few hours, I rolled around the writers forums skimming for something that might catch my interest. I gravitated towards the research part of the site because sometimes the weirdest stuff comes up in conversation and the answers tend to inspire me. What did I come across today?

Racing thoughts & bipolar disorder

It sucked me in. My mom is bipolar and the first thought I had on reading the title was "I wonder if this happens to my mom?" I read the initial question (what is it like for people that experience it?) and then read the responses, and then...

The more I read it, the more I thought, huh. That happens to me all the time. I thought it was just me having a lot of mental ADD. It didn't occur to me that it might not be normal. It certainly isn't an unpleasant experience for me, not like it's described in those few responses in the thread. I don't go into the negative beating myself up and saying "you suck you suck you suck" over and over in my head. It's more like... well, here, let me see if I can come up with an example.

Back to the original reason I'm blogging: the system at work is down. At that point my first thought was to check email. I got to my email, saw that one of my brainstorming buddies was online but away, and it occurred to me that I could use this time to write. I then jumped to thoughts of using writing programs such as Scrivener, which then made me think of when I was messing with the Beta version of Scrivener on my husband's computer, which then made me remember that there was a bunch of crap I needed him to get done today, so I went back to my email to message him about it. I then went back to the writer's forums, which looped me back in thought to planning my novel, so while I was reading the forums I was also in the back of my head thinking about how I could go about getting back into the mind set of writing as my werewolf Kate (who has been renamed Mallory, but that's another blog topic), and I began to wonder if I should just start retyping the story to get into that frame of mind. (It's first person and I've been out of it a while... I'd need to get back in Kate/Mallory frame of mind.) Then, I remembered when I was writing my NaNo this year that I used a lot of mental ADD in that character to get me through my word count, which then looped me back to the bipolar thread on the writer's forums and I thought, wow, I need to blog about that.

This all happened in a matter of about ten minutes.

Then I went back and checked (because I keep checking) to see if the system was up, and lo, it is still down for the count. At which point my brain then went back to thinking of ways I could revise my story, and I tabbed back over to this blog window to continue blogging.

I don't think you even want to know how long it takes me to actually blog, because the mental zig zagging that has happened during the course of even this one post would probably make you dizzy. And I consider it normal. It happens to me every day.

This statement in particular I found hilariously accurate:

Just a bit to add is that one thought leads to another leads to another and so on. Until the person forgets where they started. Sometimes, the person would have to back track to get to the first thought that started the whole mess.

This happens to me all the time. Occasionally I even have to back track multiple times because I run off on another tangent while I'm back-tracking.

It's why (here comes another zig) that I loved my previous job, and why I am starting to like my current job. I like these jobs that keep me so busy I can hardly think, precisely because they keep me so busy that I can hardly think. It blocks out my ADD. I simply don't have time to get lost in thought all day (and believe me, if I had the time, I would literally be lost in thought all day long). Did this make me a total space cadet growing up? Yes, yes it did. I strongly suspect the reason I became a writer was to organize and record all of my many weird and interesting thoughts. Sometimes it's exhausting having a brain that never quits.

Does this happen to anyone else? Does your brain just go and go and go like some demented Energizer Bunny on crack? I'd be interested to know how many of us writers experience this kind of thing.


Distractedly yours,


~Sass~

A JOB I HAS ONE

Much happiness. I'm still gainfully employed as of 9am this morning when I accepted an internal position. Made my Monday a lot better, let me tell you.

Don't forget - it's the first day of NaNo! Join in the craziness! I mean, come on, I got my husband to do it, and he's never written a sentence of fiction in his life. If nothing else, make it your goal to beat him. :)

Those of you already doing it, what are your first lines? Here is mine in all of its silly glory:

"What do you mean, you 'lost your tail'? How do you lose an entire appendage?"

I have no idea where I'm going with it, but that's half the fun!

So how was your Monday?




~Sass~

The Waiting Game

For those that don't know, I've been laid off and my last day at work is November 16th. I've been applying to various jobs and interviewing like crazy... which has led me to one conclusion.

It isn't the applications or the interviews that are the stressful part of job hunting. The stressful part is the waiting.

To be honest, the first couple of rejections smarted a little bit. I haven't had to interview for a job since I worked in retail (temp agencies and promotions are freaking awesome, btw) so getting those first form emails or phone calls saying "we picked someone better than you!" is a little damaging to one's pride. Worse than that, however, is when I hear nothing at all. "We should have a decision by the end of the week"... and then two weeks later I have to assume they didn't like me. I actually feel that's worse than outright rejecting me, because then I'm left to wonder what went wrong.

Just tell me so I can move on!

I understand why some recruiters / companies skip the rejection phone call all together, but it is a little rude, and it does reflect badly on the company. Avoiding confrontation by avoiding contact altogether? I would rather get a form rejection.

Anyway, back on point, there are two positions I'm waiting to hear about. Both are internal. Both are trying to make their decision by the end of the week. What has this done to my nerves?



So yeah. Until I hear back about either of these positions, I'm going to be a little scatter-brained.


Quote of the day (courtesy of Despair.com):

Excuses - "If you keep asking others to give you the benefit of the doubt, they'll eventually start to doubt your benefit."



~Sass~

In Which Reality Punches Me In The Face

But first, updates!

Long-term Stuff:
-- Make healthier eating choices. Much fail. On the bright side, a lot of the unhealthy stuff is being eaten or purged from the house, so now I'll have more room to buy and store healthy stuff.
-- Plan / outline / brainstorm at least one complete novel. Will pluck one of the ideas out of my head to use by the 1st.
-- Write said planned novel in three months. Pending previous goal.
-- Be active at least three days out of the week. Currently failing, but due more to omgbusy than laziness (mostly). I haven't given up on this one.
-- Stick to the budget. Well, friend that came to visit paid for damn near everything this weekend (we will get you for that, sir!), so we saved a ton of money there and are on track so far.
-- Find a second renter. Still actively searching. Anyone need to rent a room in the greater Denver area??
-- Finish one of two bathrooms. Still not high on the list of priorities, although I want to at least get the curved shower rod up so we can use the upstairs bathroom again.
-- Take a two week vacation. July vacation approved at work. huzzah! Now, what to do with those other 3 weeks...?
-- Read 30 books. I read Kelly Meding's As Lie The Dead and Carla Harker's Lethal Lies. Two down, 28 more to go!

January Stuff:
-- Beta Project, first five pages x3 entries (due by Jan 24) DONE. /win
-- crit Kelly Medding's book 2 DONE. /win
-- crit DA's Lethal Lies DONE. /win
-- get to level 80 (no, I'm not there yet) DING on 01-15. /win
-- clean up my work file down to 20 days past due Working on this. Looks ossim so far.
-- purge one box of basement junk a week Still debating on whether I want to pay double the price for a shelf that doesn't look like someone's used furniture, so those 7 boxes of books are still in the box. Might try to grab hubby and go through 4 non-book boxes this weekend.


Surprisingly on track so far. Dis makes me happy.

On the not so happy side, I feel like I'm going to be butting heads with my new supervisor on a regular basis. Department reorganized itself, I've been put on a new team, and new super has an entirely different leadership style than my current one. The new teams don't take effect until Feb 2nd and already I've annoyed her. Huzzah. (She's a strong personality. I'm a strong personality. She likes to micro manage. I have issues with authority. We don't meet well in the middle. Heh.) Already I was not happy to come into work this morning after my 4 day weekend of happiness and joy, so the headbutting didn't improve the mood.

Also, I have vowed to fix the fact that I have very few really fun weekends, because it sucks realizing how little I actually get them on days like today when ending said fun weekend feels like I just chopped off an appendage. It actually made me kind of cranky to start my work week. While I dislike my current carrier path, I don't normally walk into work snarling simply because I have to be in the office, and that's what happened this morning, hence the title of this post. Over the weekend I put everything aside to have fun and as payback reality pulled an ambush and bitch slap maneuver. Then my homework went RAR STABBY and let me know it was still there, too, and why wasn't I doing it, GDI?

Reality sucks sometimes. Good thing I'm a writer, eh? All this emotion stuff is good fuel for the writing fire. Maybe I can use it to power myself through planning and first draftness.


Today's nostalgic "Good Idea, Bad Idea":

Good Idea: Ordering a chili dog to go.
Bad Idea: Ordering a chili dog that makes you go.


~Sass~

Braindeaded

Sorry for the lack of posts this month, you twenty or so readers you! I've been a little brain dead. Between work, skool, general anxiety, and the realization that I may be trying to do too much at one time (see first born syndrome), it's just not been a creative month. I can't even bring myself to write some snarkity snark snark for you all to escape to (which is the actual purpose of this blog, contrary to what my post topic titles may tell you!).

I may just bite the bullet and take a complete mental vacation for about a week. No worrying about all that stuff I didn't get done (coz I was too worried about getting it done to actually DO it), no agonizing over the name that just won't die*, no more dwelling on my roller-coastering emotions (DIE, anxiety! DIE!), no thinking about anything writing related, no nothing. The only things I absolutely have to get done are work stuff and house cleaning... which I wish I could put off for a while, however we're getting the carpet replaced in the whole house in about 1.5 weeks, which means stuff needs to be able to move easily, which means all the friggin' clutter has to go.

BUT, since I'm not going to worry about anything else this week, the cleaning might be therapeutic.

Yes, I am weird like that. Sometimes shutting off my brain and doing a lot of busy work (cleaning) is good for my soul.

Anyway, I'll post as the mood strikes me, but the trend for December seems to be several days between posts and I don't see that changing the rest of this month. Your resident Ninja Bunny needs some quality offline time.

*My friggin hero won't give me a clue as to whether or not he wants his name changed and if he does he's sure as hell not tellin' me what it is.


~Sass~

Gobble, Gobble Bitches!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

(To those of you outside the US, have a happy whatever day it isn't, and go enjoy some Turkey -- or tofurkey -- for us anyway. Come on, you know you want to indulge in a turkey-laden food coma!)

And just because I can, imma post the Sarah Palin interview FAIL. Oh yes. Some of you know what's coming.



Meanwhile, we have Thanksgiving wishes from Head Trip Comics (which is from last year but still relevant), Scalzi does an article about things he's thankful for in the SciFi movie universe, Niel Gaiman shows us how he makes cranberry sauce (which he calls jelly, and rightly so), CNN does a top 10 turkeys of 2008 article (it's political so avoid it if you're not into that sort of thing), people keep trying to deep fry their turkeys and end up setting the house on fire, and mental_floss gives you Manly Ways to Prepare Turkey which includes how to make Turducken. Oh, and Smart Bitches says thanks, too.

The Daily Show does Thanksgiving, too!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Thanksgiving

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

On a more serious note, President-elect Obama wishes everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. In case you don't want to read the transcript, here's the video:



And...

I FINISHED MY SECOND DRAFT YESTERDAY!!!!! Eeeeeeee!!!!11!!one!!!1!!eleventy!!!!1~

I've got the thing out to a few betas to see what other shit I have to fix. In the mean time, I've got a few chapters to crit for someone else, a house to clean (amigahd people are coming over later and I just now remembered this o_O), some food to prepare, hair in need of washing, and a multitude of other things including homework.

Wait a minnit, what happened to my nice relaxing four day weekend??


Quote of the day:

"Good food food... good meat... good God, let's eat!"


~Sass~

Twilight: Final Review

Okay, I've had a day to calm down from yesterday's "amigahd!" moment.

And all I can think about is Twilight. The first thing I did this morning when I got to work was run over to Stephenie Meyer's website trying to find an inkling of what she did to sell this book, what her pitch was, so that I could maybe get a better understanding of what she intended when writing the book. (Which I didn't find, and I may try to email her about, because I am that curious. I want to know how she sold this thing.)

Instead, I head to the movie section. Proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes reading info and watching clips.

Despite wanting to punch the main characters in the face, despite feeling robbed of my uber climactic vampire fight there at the end, despite feeling somewhat cheated in my reading experience for various reasons including the lack of vampire fighting, I want to read more. I want to read the other three books. And I don't know why.

I mean, she obviously did something to grab me and suck me into the story as a reader. I think I'm so pissed because my writer side and my reader side are duking it out. My writer side tells me "look, she was inconsistent with Bella's character. She displayed a lot of TSTL syndrome and yet had brief flashes of true intelligence. She fluxuated between depressed and happy so much that she left the bipolar readers in total awe (the behavior of which was unrealistic). Bella's dad was not a chief of police no matter how many times Meyer mentioned it -- he was not a cop personality. Edward is downright creepy (he reminds me a lot of my very controlling and mentally abusive ex boyfriend, which is admittedly most of my problem with this book) and acts like he's eternally 15 years old with an unhealthy puppy love obsession despite being a very much in control 100 year old vampire before meeting Bella. There were too-convenient setups and plot twists everywhere. She sucked at scene transitions. The conflict of the story was internal and lead the readers around in virtual circles for 400 pages before finding external conflict that escalated so fast it stole my breath. Literally, I think the plot was 'they fall in love and shit happens.' (Okay, maybe there was something in there about Bella finding a purpose or something, but it wasn't a main focus.) Then she let the readers down by having Bella pass out DURING the climactic scene, which, while realistic, is a horrible way to tell a story. Oh, and they sparkle. SPARKLE. What the hell? Vampires do not sparkle!"

And then the reader part comes back and says "but it was damned interesting, wasn't it? Like a reality TV show. Why do people watch those? They know it's silly, they know it's contrived, they know the cast is always going to be so outrageously over the top because people become idiots when money is at stake and they're on TV... but it's so friggin' entertaining. And you were entertained, weren't you?"

To which I grit my teeth and mumble, "yes, damn it. I was. But you repeat that to anyone and so help me I will make you pay."

I still maintain that this is very much a Romeo and Juliet story. For those of you that might make a positive association with that play, let me tell you how *I* view it. It's my personal opinion that Shakespeare was making a statement about young love. He was telling us that yes, even in his time, teenagers could be raging idiots. In the span of three days these two teenagers fall for each other so hard that they can't stand the thought of bein apart and through some seriously effed up events end up committing suicide "for love." (A viewpoint which I didn't take until I was several years out of high school... because in high school, I thought it was the most romantic thing ever.)

This is basically how I view Twilight, and it's also the reason I want to punch Edward and Bella in the face -- because they freely admit to knowing their infatuation isn't healthy and they both agree the other would be better off without them. And yet, they don't care. They're like fuck it, let's enjoy our time together. Admirable. Enfuriating. Soap Opera drama at its best, and it sucked me in. I should feel ashamed of myself. But it isn't going to stop me from reading the other three books, is it?

No, no it's not. Damn it.

Then I go on to read about where Meyer got the idea and got Twilight published and stuff. Typical busy-mom writer story about how she wrote in her free time, someone encouraged her to publish the thing, and she did. That was the typical part. Here's the not so typical part: from the time she sat down to start the book and got it published, it was six months start to finish. SIX MONTHS. A few years later and she's a worldwide best seller with a huge movie deal.

I think I hate her now. Jealousy is clawing its way out of my cold little heart. Is my skin turning green? Do I have steam coming out of my ears? How did this become such a huge phenomenon in such a short time? I have bookshelves full of better material.

But it isn't the same material, is it? Meyer hit the nail on the head -- I don't know if she meant to, but she took a love story and a vampire story and made it mesh together in a very unique way. And what sells these days? Stories that stray from the norm. She strays really far from the norm in just about everything in that book. And it got her attention. She stands out. That is why these things are so popular.

I mean, look. Everyone talks about her book. There's reviews everywhere (hello, I just made how many review posts on it? Yeah, ELEVEN, including this one). Smart Bitches did four: one specifically about edward, one that reviewed the book and gave it a D-, one that showed a spoof trailer (which is so full of ossim and amazing it's ridiculous), and one that was trying to figure out the deal with the movie posters. There are hypothetical letters from Edward Cullen to Sarah Palin (coz the Cullens moved from Alaska to Washington), two comic strips (here and here) from headtrip comics, at least one major discussion thread on AbsoluteWrite by published and hopeful authors (which is just one set of forums I troll... and there is probably a lot more to be found, I'm sure) some of which is positive and some of which is fraught with WTFery, and even an MSN Movies article that does another spoof about Twilight: The Lost Script. There's anectdotal evidence everywhere of people loving the secondary characters, of showing up to Midnight Release parties. People that hated the book are spreading the word as fast as they can... which makes others want to read it despite the negative opinions (because we as people like to experience things for ourselves, especially if it's as fucked up as everyone says it is).

So yeah. I can hate this thing all I want, I can talk about burning it and punching people in the face, I can rant all day long about how much of an unhealthy relationship Meyer writes about and how no teenager should ever read the books lest they try to validate their own craptastic and possibly abusive relationships, I can rant for pages upon pages about just creepy Edward and I-need-to-validate-my-life-through-someone-else Bella, never mind any other issues, but at the end of the day...

I still want to read it. I have to. I have to know what happens, and how badly it all goes to hell. What the hell is wrong with me?

/sigh

Basically: I don't get it. And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go cleanse my brain with some actual work.

Quote of the Day:

(Romeo and Juliette)
Romeo: Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.
Mercutio: If love be rough with you, be rough with love. Prick love for pricking and you beat love down.


~Sass~

Gettin' Yer Goth On

Ahhh, Halloween. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...



Firstly, you should know that I have chopped seven inches of hair off my head and am now damned shmexy if I do say so myself. (Sorry, no pictures, because I only have a camera phone and it sucks worse than a vampire. Hee! Sucks.. vampire... okay, fine, I'll stop.) After the hair choppings I straightened it, and for today I have sprayed purply goodness all over the tips so I'm channeling my inner Goth.

Which I have to say is quite fun, and now I want to make purple lowlights a part of my every day hair color. Kind of like this color:



I have dark ashy-brown hair so I'm thinking the purple lowlights would go well with it. Wot u saiz? Think I can pull it off?

*** Note: I was never brave enough to chop my hair or color it in my younger days, so I'm now having a belated onset of hair experimentation fever. Unfortunate considering I work in corporate cube land and really can't go all out. Sigh.

*** Follow up note: I mentioned this to my supervisor, about the "I wanna do this but I work in an office" thing, and she's like "...and?" So perhaps I can get away with it. /eyebrow

Anyway, I went in search of purple hair dye and it seems all I can get is demi-permanent stuff that lasts 3-6 weeks. But I LOL'd a little at this site, where they mentioned some glow in the dark hair colors:

The following colors glow under black light:

Atomic Pink , Nuclear Red ,Cherry Bomb, Hi-Octane Orange, Joyride, Cupcake Pink, Bright as F#@$ Yellow, Napalm Orange

Does anyone else think "Bright as F#@$ Yellow" is just about the best hair color name EVER? Srsly.

Oh, and we're having a Halloween party at our house tonight. We're having like 10 people over (I think?) and we went out last night and got all the little decoration stuff like a pumpkin-laden table cloth, paper plates, napkins, orange plastic cups, bone-shaped plastic cutlery, and a big orange punch bowl. Did we remember to buy the punch? No. Sigh. (And the punch WILL be spiked, mark my words!) We did get some games, though -- Battle of the Sexes, Urban Myth, and Twister (come on, drunken twister? that is so full of win). We'll be playing some amusing and/or scary movies in the background, things like Young Frankenstein, Underworld, The Goonies, Shaun of the Dead, etc. There will be much snacking and drinking and absolutely silly costuming. Yes, that is a word. 'Coz I said so.

Also, this amuses the hell out of me (refresh the page, by the time you get here you will have missed the beginning of it). I know it has nothing to do with Halloween, but I have to share. HAVE TO. You will thank me later. (And even if you don't, you can forward the madness to other people! Muahahahaha!) Why yes, I am feeling ornery today, why do you ask?

Also, we're at the final countdown to the official start of NaNoWriMo. As expected their servers have blown themselves up with the hundreds of thousands of people trying to log on and sign up or update things all at the same time. The server spasms are a normal NaNo experience. They're like a regular rite of passage or something. Wouldn't be NaNo without the yearly server crash. I'm debating on whether I want to stay up late and start writing at midnight or go to bed and get up early to write. Hmm.

So what are YOU doing for All Hallows Eve?

Quote of the Day:

(Labyrinth)
Sarah: Ow! It bit me!
Hoggle: What'd you expect fairies to do?
Sarah: I thought they did nice things, like... like granting wishes.
Hoggle: Shows what *you* know, don't it?


~Sass~

I am... Remus Lupin

Does anyone else think this a horribly coincidental test result? I ended up being the werewolf character.

(Clue-by-four for those of you who don't know... my current WIP is about a werewolf girl.)

Harry Potter Personality Quiz




Quote of the Day:

(Teen Wolf)
Harold Howard: Listen son. You're going to be able to do a lot of things the other guys aren't.
Scott Howard: Oh yeah, like chase cars, and bite the mailman?


~Sass~

Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn?

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are an Ingrid!

You are an Ingrid -- "I am unique"

Ingrids have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me

* Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
* Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
* Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
* Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
* Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being an Ingrid

* my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
* my ability to establish warm connections with people
* admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
* my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
* being unique and being seen as unique by others
* having aesthetic sensibilities
* being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me<

What's Hard About Being an Ingrid

* experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
* feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
* feeling guilty when I disappoint people
* feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
* expecting too much from myself and life
* fearing being abandoned
* obsessing over resentments
* longing for what I don't have<

Ingrids as Children Often

* have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games
* are very sensitive
* feel that they don't fit in
* believe they are missing something that other people have
* attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
* become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
* feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

Ingrids as Parents

* help their children become who they really are
* support their children's creativity and originality
* are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
* are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
* are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

But wait, there's more! The BBC has some personality (and other) tests, too!


Quote of the day:

"I have no regrets. I wouldn't have lived my life the way I did if I was going to worry about what people were going to say.” -- Ingrid Bergman


~Sass~

Teh Sky, It Falls

There's a chatroom I join on a daily basis that contains an eclectic group of guildies from World of Warcraft. One of them, who is normally a night owl and sleeping by now, pops into the chat going "holy shit, did you see the DOW?"

Yes, I saw it. I saw it last year when it did the same thing, too. And still true to last year's prediction, the market is continuing in a general downward trend despite promising ups, and if I remember correctly, we should still see it falling [overall] until sometime in '09 when we'll [I hope] bottom out and start moving in a general up direction.

"Do you have any stocks?" he asks.

No. No, I don't. Not besides my 401k, which is floundering like a fish out of water.

"Well then, you don't have as much reason to panic."

Yeah, and? Even if I did have stocks, this is another case of everyone's panicking making the stock market fall harder than it has to. Yes, I understand the implications of gigantic important banks going under. Yes, I realize it's alarming. Can we do anything about it?

NO.

And that was my point. Why panic so much about something we have absolutely no control over? What does it gain people to work themselves into a tizzy and have anxiety attacks because omg teh sky it falls? It does nothing, other than compromise our mental and physical health.

Here's what I told him, and I'm going to re-state it:

It's like this -- you can roll up your sleeves and prepare to take life as it comes, or you can run around like a chicken with your head cut off and be that much worse for it.

Okay, so, the market is on a respirator. I get that. You would have to be blind not to see it. And I'm not saying I don't panic. (Trust me, I panic.) It's just that I get over it faster than most people. Yes, there are a lot of people out there who are losing a lot of money in stocks, and it is very understandable for them to feel borderline mental breakdownish about it (especially if they were banking on those stocks as retirement). But I promise the sun will rise tomorrow, the world will still turn, blah blah yadda yadda. There might be less food on the table, there might be less home to live in (especially if those scientists end up destroying the earth when they start colliding particles in the LHC), but life goes on regardless of what happens in the stock market. Human beings are fighters. Corner us in a desperate situation and by God we'll come out of it victorious, dripping blood, with a proud fist held high in the air. Or we'll at least put up a damned good fight before we go under, but that's not as inspiring as the previous image.

People can be concerned. I have no problem with that. Concern is healthy.

Panic is not.

Quote of the Day:

(Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
The Book: What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue: Consider yourself lucky that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your present circumstances seems more likely, consider yourself lucky that it won't be troubling you much longer.

One of Those Days

Or weeks, I should say. I was having an awesome last few months -- I couldn't seem to stop writing, I was on a roll. Revised chapters and new material flyin' outta my butt faster than a monkey flings poo. I rode it for as long as possible because I know my cycles, and I knew it wouldn't last. I tend to have a very consistant up / down pattern in regards to creativity, with the only variable being the time spent in up or down mode (in relation to writing, not moods. they are somewhat related but creativity seems to set its own schedule regardless of the happiness or the crankiness I may swing towards from time to time, and sometimes seems to carry on in spite of it).

The longest up-cycle I can remember ended about 10 days ago. Admittedly, it lasted longer than I thought it would, and I was grateful for the extra oomph it gave to my writing.

But now I'm in a down cycle, and I'm bored as hell. I want to write. I want to show some love to existing and yet to be created characters. It's been incredibly frustrating sitting in front of the computer, both with a blank screen and an existing work, and not being able to draw on that creative energy.

I understand part of it is psychological. I was frustrated with my revisions, still am, and it's probably the reason I can't seem to gather the energy to work on that particular project. I thought it was burnout creeping up on me and so took a week long break, but it didn't seem to help. Stress at work hasn't helped any either, though I've become an expert at leaving work at work.

(For those of you keeping track, Staples -- the company that recently bought us out --- has decided to keep my department, citing that we are needed to service this part of the country. Business talk for we don't yet know what the crap you do but you're efficient so we're keeping you on. But while they may be keeping the department, that doesn't rule out the possibility of "trimming" and so all my coworkers twitch and jump and go off on little things, which is becoming highly irritating as one of the vendors I handle seems to be on their shit list, so I'm really feeling the love these past few weeks.)

Adding to the pity party here a little bit, I think I may be going through another mental adjustment and it's shaking my confidence. It's kind of a tough phenomenon to explain, but lemme try. Hell, you all are writers too. Let me go all psychology on my own arse here for a minute.

You know when you're younger and you suddenly realize you're not as smart or mature as you think you are? It's not necessarily an all-at-once change... maybe it's just that you look at yourself 5-10 years ago and think "wow, was I really like that?" You know what I'm talking about? You clearly see the difference between now and then, even if you don't remember exactly when the change happened or what triggered it. It's one of those things. Except I know it's happening. And it's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just eye-opening. And not good for my confidence. Whenever this happens I usually start questioning everything and, like I said, it shakes my confidence.

Maybe that's why I'm in a funk? I don't know. Whatever the cause, I want to track it down and kill it like a bad character so I can get on with my writing. Sunday night I was sitting around being fidgity and anxious, and I realized it was because I'd broken my reading / writing habit.

Grr, I says. Grr.

LKH blogged about something similar. Maybe it's contagious.

Anyway, I'm off to fight my personal demons and the forces of evil and angry coworkers and all of that. I'll try to post something more positive tomorrow, I promise!

Quote of the day:

(Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
Marvin: [as they are gazing at the wonder of Magrathea] Incredible... it's even worse than I thought it would be.


~Sass~

Writer's A.D.D.

Yup, it's that time again. Sass is bored and looking for an outlet. Problem is, I have too many outlets right now and my brain has gone on stimulation overload. Lemme 'splain.

I'm ass deep in revisions on my first novel. I'm beginning to see the usefulness of going into a story prepared, even if I don't enjoy making or using outlines. Don't get me wrong, writing by the seat of my pants is really fun, but going through the revisions of such a project can be compared to wading through miles upon miles of thick muck. You know it ends eventually but the journey through it is difficult and exhausting. Then again, it's fun to play around in the muck, so even as I complain about it I secretly enjoy it.

Then I saw a thread on AW a few days ago about NaNoWriMo and how excited everyone is at the thought of another month long word-spooge fest. To which I thought, yes! Yes, I am excited! And then I thought about last year's NaNo project, which was pretty damned cool if I do say so myself, and why don't I try to revise that one too? It's shorter. It's more fun. The protagonist doesn't annoy the shit out of me. Win! Then I think no, no Sassee, you need to finish the second draft of your other novel first.

But it's okay to think about this year's NaNo project, right? There's no harm in planning ahead and daydreaming while I'm revising my other novel. So here I go daydreaming, and why don't I just write a few things down so I don't forget...

Then there's my venture into book 2 of the annoying protagonist, of which I have 15k words (and an awesome new werewuff), and another project wherein I'm trying to find the next object of obsession. Looks like Lily is it. She's been hanging around in my head for a while, arms crossed, hip jutting out defiantly, waiting for me to pick a storyline for her so she can jump to paper and start kicking some ass. I've been perusing Jim Butcher's LiveJournal for some off-the-wall tips on outlines and have started messing around with Lily's outline (because, by God, I want to see what it's like to be organized!).

On top of all of that I feel the need to pick up the pace with this blog. I mean, it takes what, 30 minutes to come up with something to post? Quick. Easy. Keeps me writing everyday. Closely related to this blog but an entire project on its own is my LiveJournal account where I'm trying to post world- and character- building things about book 1 in an effort to keep myself organized and simultaneously help myself with my own revisions. It's an official place for me to keep my notes posted, and I'm really looking forward to posting other werewolf things on there once I make the time for it.

... and then there's books I want to read, a house that needs cleaning, a yard that is slowly frying in the summer sun because we keep forgetting to water it...

Oy. Now that I put that in writing, it's kind of obvious why I tend to burn out a lot at the office. Take all that personal stuff and add it to the general mental exhaustion I get from a tedious job that never ends, and voila! Burnout.

Maybe I'll take the weekend off. Heh.

Quote of the day:

(Ghostbusters)
Ray: Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.
Walter Peck: They caused an explosion!
Mayor: Is this true?
Venkman: Yes it's true. This man has no dick.


~Sass~

On Moods and Revising

Or How Not to Go Completely Insane

My ever so patient crit buddy Carla was kind enough to link me a blog post about the effect of revisions on a writer. I couldn't have put it better myself!

Writing a novel, a love story

And linked within that one, Bad writing days.

Also somewhat related, I had an urge to listen to something nastalgic today. Some album from the '90s I used to listen to all the time. So I thought about it, and thought about it, and... oh! Jagged Little Pill. I listened to that almost every day for almost a year when I was in high school (shut up, I know that dates me). So I do a search on the free streaming part of Napster and put on my headphones.

Dear God.

I already knew that certain albums and songs had a tendency to affect my mood. Listening to late '90s Korn and (oddly) the Queen of the Damned soundtrack tends to get me in the mindset to be motivated and energetic. The Cranberries make me feel at peace. (I know. I know that's weird. There is an explanation, I swear.)

But, Jagged Little Pill... I don't know what happened. I couldn't even make it all the way through the first song before my mood plummetted straight into depression mode. It was alarming. Scary, even. I turned it off and a few minutes later I was fine. I wasn't aware that any kind of music could do that to me.

Apparently I tend to associate often played music with certain time periods and moods in my life. The Cranberries make me calm because it reminds me of my younger days and reading things like Lord of the Rings. Happy times. Korn makes me feel like a fighter, and by that I don't mean I feel like punching someone. No, it makes me feel like the world is mine, I can do anything, and to hell with anyone who thinks I can't (I may have been listening to that shortly after my breakup with an ex). The Queen of the Damned soundtrack usually puts me into concentration mode. I pay attention better, I get things done faster, and I'm just overall more efficient. That's because I brought the CD to work with me one day and was completely in the zone at that point. It stuck.

Which means that year in high school listening to Jagged Little Pill must have been a bad one. I've never before had music send me so far down, so fast. I mean, I can listen to sad music and it'll take a while for me to feel melancholy. But this... I don't know what happened. Odd thing is if one of the songs from that album gets stuck in my head it doesn't have the same effect. I have to be listening to it for the mood swing to happen.

Strange, I tell you.

I wonder if anyone else has noticed the same thing. Hmm.

Quote of the day:

(Idiocracy)
Pvt. Joe Bowers: What *are* these electrolytes? Do you even know?
Secretary of State: They're... what they use to make Brawndo!
Pvt. Joe Bowers: But *why* do they use them to make Brawndo?
Secretary of Defense: [raises hand after a pause] Because Brawndo's got electrolytes.


~Sass~