Monday, November 17, 2008

Twilight 12-14

Firstly, I have to stop and offer compliments to the casting director for choosing Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black. You, sir (or ma'am), have outdone yourself in a bid to melt teenage hearts everywhere.

(plus, yannow, I'm a die hard werewolf fan, and well, that just makes this even better)

Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled programming.


Hmm... can't quite see the point of Billy and Jacob Black coming over for a visit. It was pretty random, and was over really fast. I mean, yeah, Billy saw and identified Edward, and Jacob confirmed the name, but that was about it. Literally nothing else happened during that scene. Seems kind of unnecessary.

Bella woke up feeling blissful! Amigahd! She does have other emotions!

Okay Edward. We've gone over this before. The whole "dangerous" thing? Doesn't work on Bella. You're like a hundred years old or something. You're smart (maybe). Figure it out already and quit egging her on. At this point your continued efforts to try and intimidate her are coming across as transparent bait-and-switch maneuvers, and it doesn't make you look very nice.

I do have to stop here and say that I know some people have a serious problem with x-year old vamps falling in love with mere mortals. Now, this doesn't just apply to this story, so I'm not making excuses for Meyer, but I want to state my opinion on this issue. Think of it this way: vampires, as portrayed in most modern fiction, are simply humans that lack a heartbeat and happen to have a taste for blood. They anger, they smile, they flirt. They can be disappointed. They can be severely emo. Want to commit vampire suicide. Some of them even cry. Lots of modern ones even still have sympathy or respect for their fellow humans. Point is, authors are trying to make them more human.

Why, then, is it so hard to believe that vampires can be susceptible to sudden inexplicable urges such as puppy love for a particular human? Even if said human is several hundred years their junior, this still makes sense to me. In fact, it makes more sense, because it's kind of a "forbidden" thing. What happens when you tell someone they can't have or do something? The first thing they want to do is go after that passion, go after that forbidden fruit. Agewise they're old, but they don't physically appear old, which negates the icky old guy factor, and they legitimately think they still have a chance with the laydeez. Okay, they're kind of dead, but if they move around and interact with things and retain their intelligence they are not going to feel dead, and potential partners won't treat them like they are.

Being a hundred years old doesn't automatically excuse said vampire from making very human mistakes, nor does it automatically make them smarter. Come on, I know at least one of you reading this blog has come across a person several years your senior who has the emotional maturity of someone at least ten years younger than you. Vampires are not exempt from this. They seem to be prone to it, in fact... I mean, how did they become vampires in the first place? They got emo-attached to a vampire (in modern lore). Even if they were randomly attacked, if they were "turned" by their attacker (willfully, not accidentally), that original vampire is going to have the issues I mentioned above (thinking they can spend eternity with the same person and no one else? srsly), and what happens when you hang out with a bunch of moody, immature dead things for a hundred years? Guess what? The attitude rubs off. The habits are picked up.

Edward's family wants him to stay away from humans (being alone with them) lest he lose control. So what happens when he finds one human he's kind of interested in? It gets blown out of proportion. He's going to become fixated on it, probably to an unhealthy point (so far, it looks like this is going to happen in the story). Let's use the forbidden fruit example. Deny yourself for so long and eventually you are going to say eff this and gorge yourself on said forbidden fruit. Edward, after denying himself human company for so long, is binging on Bella's company. Is she the best girl out there? No. Is she the prettiest? Probably not. Is she available? Yes. So this whole 100 year or whatever vamp falling for a teenage girl? After showing you my reasoning -- absolutely believable.

Do I approve of the behavior? No. That's an entirely separate issue. But it is believable. Is it romantic? No. And I probably just spoiled vampires for some of you, but it's realistic. I'm not saying true love or love at first sight or whatever doesn't exist. I'm just sayin' it doesn't exist to the extent fiction writers make it seem. Anyway, onwards with the reading.

Hmm. She's starting to push away her friends in favor of Edward. Not healthy. Oh, and lying to everyone. That'll keep her out of trouble for all of three seconds.

Why is he angry that she didn't tell anyone she was out with him? I mean, it's not the usual kind of worry. He acts like since she didn't tell anyone then she's going to die a horrible death-by-fangs or something. If Edward were really that worried, he wouldn't go in the first place. Honestly. He's a few fangs short of a vampire nest, if you know what I mean.

Oh for the love of... "the marble contours of his chest"... /raises book like she's gonna throw it. Quit bein' so damned sparkly already.

Anyone else notice he was strangely relieved when he thought Bella was finally scared of him?


Oh Christ, she really does describe him as sparkly? I... guh... Crap, I thought that was a joke. ...He sparkles?...

Okay, now he's deliberately trying to frighten her. [next page] Okay, and now he's trying to say he's sorry and he'll never do it again. How many of you have heard this before? Yeah, I thought so. And now I officially no longer like Edward.

And he's bipolar! This guy is so full of unstable he's starting to be worse than Bella.

Yes, I called this one. So what happens when he finds one human he's kind of interested in? It gets blown out of proportion. He's going to become fixated on it, probably to an unhealthy point. Her scent drives him crazy. He wants to kill her and kiss her all at the same time. Unhealthy attachment, and he isn't distancing himself from her like he should. It isn't anything as romantic as love and it isn't going to end well.

"I'm here... which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." I frowned. "I'm an idiot." YES. YES YOU ARE. This is the part where you regain sanity and say to hell with the sparkly vampires. But you're not going to do that, are you? Of course not. It's the damned female tendency to love what does not want to be (or in this case, cannot be) loved.

Oh, oh, oh... oh honey, stay away from the throat... /exhale in a hiss. /lets go of the arm rests. Srsly, I think he is trying to kill her. Why is he testing his boundaries so shortly after admitting he has like no control around her?

Hmm. Forest nookie? Ahh, no, they're just going for a little flight on Air Edward.

Okay, we were doing much better Bella-wise. Now Edward is the one flaking out on us. The narration is fine, and Meyer handles the awkward moments well, to the point where I want to like it, but I cannot stand the combination of characters. Edward and Bella are a train wreck. That's all there is to it. And like a train wreck, you don't want to look but can't look away. There. I have discovered the success of the Twilight series.


Interesting vamp background. Not so interesting to confirm he actually was spying on her for a while. Irritating that she found it kind of flattering. [later] Wait, is he actually *in* the room when he watches her? CREEPY.

Oops! Dad's home. And of course Edward doesn't leave. Oh no. He hides in her room. 'Coz that's totally smart and all, what with the self-admitted issues with self control around Bella.

"Bring on the shackles -- I'm your prisoner." But his long hands formed manacles around my wrists as he spoke. Symbolic, yes? Yes, I thought so too.

How cute, they "love" each other. Bella is a virgin (NO WAI!) and she wants to give it up to Edward. /puke

And they fell asleep together.

Let me just say that I am beyond disgusted and creeped out right now. Edward is the type of guy who is too obsessed to begin with, the type that if anything ever happened to Bella or she split with him, he would handle it very, very badly. Very badly. I cannot begin to express to you the negative thoughts and emotions surfacing that relate to my ex (who was very much an Edward). And Bella? TSTL. She's willfully throwing herself to the wolves, and she doesn't care. She's an idiot. This is a train wreck a la the Romeo and Juliet relationship. Except, you know, worse. Because he's a vampire and this has the potential to go on for an eternity.

Stephanie Meyer can write. She can write interesting personalities (as long as it isn't one of the main characters). She can write drama. That'll keep a lot of readers hooked, but I'm sorry, I can't stand the characters, and no amount of extra fun in the form of secondary characters is going to keep me hooked. (But I will still finish this as I'm morbidly curious now to see how badly this all ends. See the car crash phenomenon mentioned earler.)

Also, this comic is starting to make more sense to me now.

More to come. Stay tuned...

Previously reviewed:
Prologue, 1, 2
Chapters 3, 4, 5
Chapters 6, 7, 8
Chapter 9, 10, 11

Coming up:
Chapters 15, 16, 17
Chapters 18, 19, 20
Chapters 21, 22, 23
Chapter 24 and Epilogue



DeadlyAccurate said...

You know, based on your analysis to date, seems like the best way for this story to end would've been for Bella to wise up to Edward's stalker ways, realize that sort of behavior is very, very unhealthy, and that she's a smart, capable, young woman who deserves healthy relationships.

When she gives Edward the heave-ho, he goes nuts, and she's forced to kill him, maybe with her potential new love.

That's how I would've ended it, anyway.

Donna Sirianni said...

But see, Meyers doesn't write a strong female character so therein lies the flaw.

And HeadTrip is awesome. Wait until you see the Breaking Dawn one if you haven't already.

Yeah, Alice, Jasper and Rosalie have my vote for interestingness. And the Volturi. They're way cooler than Edward and his vegetarian-in-a-fish-eating-way family.

I was in your boat. I couldn't stand what I was reading and yet I couldn't put it down. Little, Brown put crack on the pages is what I think. I'm afraid of Breaking Dawn, though. It's haunting me in my TBR pile, it and it's little Alien self. Blech.

Anonymous said...

I only got through it because I forced myself to: it's been a while since I really, really wanted to put a book down. You nailed Bella: weak, simpering semi-suicidal melodramatic patheticness wrapped in a hairdo and some Abercrombie & Fitch.

That comic was beautiful. :)

KissMyShell said...

Yea, you're SUCH a die hard Twilight fan that you can't even tell the difference between Steven Strait and the dude who plays Jacob Black, Taylor Lautner! You even made a siggie of Steven Strait and put Jacob Black's name on it. You GOTTA take that stupid picture off! It doesn't do you any good, at all!

RJ Bell

Sassee B said...

Yeah, actually, I don't like Twilight... and since this was an old post, I didn't feel I needed to go back and fix it. (And I'm not entirely sure how people are still managing to find this post, since this is nearly 1.5 years old now.) For those of you that foam at the mouth over the inaccuracy I'll go ahead and find a new image to use.

Sassee B said...

PS - I didn't make that image, I googled it.