Twilight: The Lost Script
The entire book (so far) can actually be summed up on the 5th slide there. It goes something like this (quoted straight from that article):
EDWARD: Oh my God! What happened to your ears! Did someone hurt you, my love?
BELLA: What? I can't hear you. I'm wearing my earbuds and rocking out. Have I told you today that you are gorgeous? Your torso looks like it's carved from marble. Who cares that your skin's so cold... more I have to wear a blanket when we snuggle? You're yummy!
EDWARD: OK, if you can't hear me, then I will whisper the words I've longed to utter for a century. I love you. Love, love, love, kissy, kissy.
BELLA: Um, Edward, I was just kidding. I can still hear you when I have my earbuds on.
EDWARD: I meant every word of it. You are the sweet love of my life. My nostrils flare to embrace your intoxicating scent.
BELLA: Do you have any Tic Tacs? I feel like I should, I don't know, eat a breath mint or something. We're going to kiss soon, right?
EDWARD: I fear my passions will overwhelm me. Let us just hold hands and take another ride in my swift, swift Volvo.
BELLA: Can't hear you. Earbuds.
Arr Ohh Eff Ell, I saiz.
Quote of the day:
Elizabeth: [singing, while having sex with the monster] Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I've found you! At last, I know the secret of it all!