Tuesday, December 23, 2008

THIS is a Library!

I cannot express to you the sheer levels of omgIwantthissobad.

In case you're wondering, this is Jay Walker's library. His PERSONAL library. Additional info and pictures (omg the pictures!) can be seen in this article. As someone coming from a long line of bookworms, I have an overwhelming urge to make a religious pilgrimage to this library and gaze upon its wondrous beauty.

What? You think I'm kidding? Look at it. That is the Garden of Eden for writers and book lovers everywhere. If there was an entrance fee to view or tour it I would shell that out in a heartbeat.

Excuse me while I go drool at the pictures some more.


Monday, December 22, 2008

Owens Corning

So, as some of you may know, the hubby and I decided to take the plunge and have some work professionally done. Considering we are (were) in a good position to take on some expense and also considering if we did this ourselves it would take years (I'm not kidding, we move at snail's pace with repairs / remodels / painting), we decided it would be worth it to pay someone else to do some of the shit that needs done to the house.

Fast forward -- we got Owens Corning to agree to finish our basement and re-carpet the entire house because their product, it impresses us. They promised to get the permits and build everything to code. They contracted out for someone to do the 4 foot egress window (because otherwise it won't pass inspection as an actual room), contracted someone else to install the steel framing in the basement and put together the actual Owens Corning product (it isn't drywall), had those same people do the wiring for the basement, and contracted out a third party for the carpet. We said what the hell, as long as we're carpeting the basement, we'll re-carpet the whole house. Personally, I'd like to not have 3 different types and colors of nasty carpet, so I felt this was a good move.

The Deal: We agreed to be on a flex plan of sorts, where if someone canceled or had to postpone their building job we could be bumped forward or back on their schedule. We agreed to do showings with our basement for Owens Corning to get a further discount, got a promotional deal for a TV, and received some cash back thanks to the selling abilities of the sales person. On the two loans we had to get (one bank was stingy and didn't want to finance more than the window job) we managed to have them postpone the payments for a year (which, according to budget, is ossim because we could have paid most of them off before they came due and thus avoided interest). Really kick-ass deal. Even the contractors were impressed (that's later in this story).


Problem #1 - the sales lady who did the design for the basement was not invited out when the basement guy came to check out the job, so he had no idea WTF was going on and had to be informed later. Fine, we were warned this might happen. Apparently the sales lady doesn't always get called in when the project guy does. Half a day's time off used for work.

Problem #2 - We saw this as a good thing at first. Someone needed to postpone their project, so we were going to get our basement done 2 months ahead of schedule. Woo! Guy shows up to check it out... "I can't start until the window is done." Apparently they were supposed to schedule the window guy to come in at some point, which we weren't aware of, and it didn't happen. Guy forgot his cell phone so he went back into the office to see if the window guy was going to be there today. Guy never calls back. Basement postponed back to original time frame. I have now wasted another 2/3 of a day out of work. We now have remnants of basement demolition taking up half of our garage (we were promised a dumpster, which doesn't come until the basement guys are ready to do their basement thing. Insert 2 more months of messy garage here).

Problem #3 - 2 to 4 weeks after the above incident, we get a call from Owens Corning asking if our window had been done yet. There was much confusion, because no, it wasn't done yet, and we didn't know someone was supposed to be out to do it. Had we missed a phone call and a visit? No, because no one ever called us. Two days after this confused conversation with Owens Corning we get a call AT SIX O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING from the window guy (make a note, this is from the contractor, not Owens Corning): "Hi, I hope they told you I was coming today, because I'll be there at 7."


So, window gets done on time and it's a great job. First thing that's gone right so far. Huzzah, the happiness has started with the basement. Too bad the rest of it won't be done for another few weeks. We're a little peeved with Owens Corning's service. Or complete lack thereof. The window guy is not surprised, and his silence at our comments tells much more than actual words.

Problem #4 - Three days before the rest of the basement is scheduled to be done, Owens Corning calls on a Friday evening: "So we just want to double check that the steel is delivered and you know that we're starting on Monday." Um... what steel? "Oh, it's not there yet? Are you sure? Did you look in the garage?" Yes, lady, we did look in the fuxing garage. We only walk through it every day after work to get in the house. There is no friggin' steel in there other than the nails from the basement. "Oh, well, it should be delivered tomorrow morning at the latest."

Monday morning: still no steel framing.

Problem #5 - basement guys show up, but they can't start until the steel is delivered. I know this because we get a phone call from the contractors: "we're here to start your basement." As sweetly as I could, from my office cubicle, I told them that I was not at home to let them in because the steel was not yet delivered and I was not going home to let anyone in the house until that happened. The contractors were both surprised and irritated that there was no steel. The steel came around lunch time. The contractors decided to postpone the work for another day. They are also not surprised at Owens Corning's behavior.

Problem #6 - no one told the contractors that we were supposed to have extra steel framing set up on one wall to support a flat screen TV. The steel wasn't ordered for it. We are not surprised. We are, however, VERY irritated, because we only find out the extra reinforcement wasn't done on that wall after the walls are done. Granted, we did come down and check on the basement daily, but the actual building period was only 4 days start to finish, and there was so much steel down there we thought they were already reinforcing it. The contractors themselves were great guys that do a great job, but we are so irritated at this point that we say forget it, the sooner we're done with Owens Corning the better, and the contractors make sure that extra amount is deducted from our total.

Problem #7 - Since we did demolition, no one scheduled a dumpster. We were going to go postal on someone (God, we wanted to!), but the contractors headed us off and got a dumpster to be delivered free of charge. We filled it. They took it away. FINALLY, we can use our garage again.

After this, carpet guy comes out to go over carpet options. Oops, he was supposed to be out before the basement was finished, but to give him some credit, those other contractors were fast. Nice guy, efficient, he's in and out quick as anything. Our carpet is ordered same day with a 2 week lead time and we got a ridiculously ossim deal for it. They predict they can re-carpet the house in one day possibly two if there are difficulties, and we agree to clean the house of knick-knacks and ready everything to be moved around. Insert 1.5 weeks of frantic house cleaning and preparation.

Problem #8 - Last week (one week after carpet man and during the frantic cleaning) we get a call from Owens Corning, which makes us faint because their communication is a joke and holy shit they actually bothered to call us about something. Apparently one of the banks they got a loan through was no longer lending, so we are now split into three loans instead of 2 because they had to immediately open another line of credit to pay for their shit. Ding on our credit and an extra payment to worry about whose payments CANNOT be postponed like the other two loans. Payments will begin immediately. Fine, whatever, this technically isn't their fault. We can't be angry at them. Right?

Problem #9 - The carpet guy calls us today, almost a week after that last phone call. Note: the carpet guy, NOT Owens Corning. What's the problem? THE CARPET WAS NEVER ORDERED because they couldn't get the money from Owens Corning. We are not having carpet installed tomorrow, and we only knew this because the carpet guy felt obligated to call us. Gee, what a novel idea. Someone actually wants to keep their customer informed? Good thing the contractors care for their customers, because Owens Corning sure doesn't. If the carpet guy hadn't called I'd be sitting on my ass all day tomorrow wondering where the hell our carpet was.

Add a week because of the holiday plus the two weeks it takes to get the carpet made / dyed / whatever and we're not on track to have carpet until the end of January, and that's assuming Owens Corning can get their shit together. Realistically, I don't expect to see anything (or get a damn phone call) until February.

Current Status: Pissed beyond belief.


Owens Corning may have great product and contractors, but based on their service alone this entire project wasn't worth it. I don't care how good of a deal we got. There is no excuse for the sheer levels of FAIL happening with this project. Honestly, the next time we need to do something we're going straight to the contractors, or we're feeding people pizza and beer for a week straight to do it our own damn selves at a snail's pace. If we weren't in a contract (*eye twitch*) we would have canceled on them a long time ago.

For those of you thinking of buying a service that Owens Corning provides: DON'T. It isn't worth it. Go with someone else. Or do it yourself.

We'll see how the rest of this plays out. For now, we're documenting the progress and lack of communication. Wish us luck.



... on TV!!!!!

Werewolf dramedy unleashed at Fox

Network gives 'Bitches' a script plus penalty commitment
By Nellie Andreeva
Dec 22, 2008, 01:00 AM ET

Talk about a hairy "Sex and the City."

The Fox network is developing "Bitches," a dramedy about a quartet of female friends in New York who are werewolves.

The project, which has received a script plus penalty commitment from the network, hails from feature writer Michael Dougherty and Warner Bros. TV.

TV writing duo Gretchen Berg and Aaron Harberts have come on board to supervise Dougherty. The two also will serve as executive producers alongside Dougherty if the project, described as a quirky urban fairy tale, goes to series.

"Bitches" continues the werewolf theme from Dougherty's recent horror flick "Trick 'r Treat."

2009 is shaping up to be a big year for werewolves with the release of the Benicio del Toro-starring remake of "The Wolfman" and the "Twilight" sequel "New Moon."

WMA-repped Dougherty's writing credits also include "Superman Returns" and "X2: X-Men United."

Berg and Harberts recently served as co-exec producers on the ABC/WBTV series "Pushing Daisies." The duo, repped by ICM and attorney Gretchen Bruggeman Rush, also created/exec produced the WB's "Pepper Dennis."

Please, FOX, do this show right and for shit's sake don't cancel it after the first season! I want werewolves on prime time TV, damn it!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Internet Addiction

I felt this was worth bringing up, because many bloggers, gamers, Twitterers, etc have -- at least once -- come across this issue being discussed. Whether or not you agree with him, the Last Psychiatrist really makes you sit and have a think about the issue.

Is Internet Addiction Really An Addiction?

From my own personal experience and observations...

I would agree with him. This is a social issue, not an addiction issue.

Think about it. Why do we blog? Why do we Twitter? Why do we have hundreds of friends on Facebook / MySpace / *insert social networking website here*? We want attention. We want the attention we're not getting in the real world.

The Internet allows those of us with social problems to withdraw into ourselves while simultaneously branching out. Those of you that know me in real life should know that I am actually quite a shy person until you get to know me. Why is this? Because I have a social phobia of sorts (and you have no idea how long that took me to figure out). Check the link there for more details, but basically unfamiliar or new social situations trigger my fight or flight instincts. It's not pretty, and was hell to deal with as a teenager. The Internet was actually a blessing for me -- it helped me improve on a lot of my issues with social interaction and become more of a "normal" person (*snort*). Basically I used it as a crutch while I grew a backbone. I could test the waters, find my voice, and learn not to over-analyze people's responses / reactions. It was actually kind of therapeutic (as is writing this blog from time to time).

Then again, building an entire personality around one's avatar / nickname probably isn't the healthiest thing ever, but at least I picked an amusing name, eh?

Of course, not everyone comes out of the internet sprouting wings of social happiness (some never do, that's why the zomgpanic finger-pointing happens), and these kids he refers to are obviously in the beginning stages of social withdrawal. They don't realize yet that their status as a social outcast is probably just all in their head. Like mine was. (Unless you happen to have people trying to stone you to death, and then maybe it's not just all in your head. Separate issue entirely. And maybe you should move?)

I find it interesting, though, that we always like to find something new or tech-y or disease-related to blame for people's shortcomings. Ever notice that? It's never our own faults. It's genetic. It's the Internet. It's that guy on TV poisoning our children's minds. It's those *insert religion/nationality/race here* that are to blame for the decline in whatever. I mean, I did it three paragraphs ago to explain my extreme shyness. It allows us to wash our hands of responsibility. Oh, that guy is a such-and-such. It's not my fault. He's just like that. Oh, I have a phobia, maybe I should take medication for anxiety.

Kind of seems like we're more focused on what the problem is than actually taking steps to treat it.

Yes, of course, it's important to know what it is so that we can treat it correctly. I just think we may have a little too much time on our hands and a little too much money to spend, so we're trying to make it a lot more complicated than it really is. And what does that say about us that we want to be able to label -- and thus separate -- everyone based on their shortcomings and not their accomplishments?

Internet addiction? Turn off the computer and take the kid on a field trip with others like him/herself. Show them the world isn't as scary as they're making it out to be.

And make sure they know it isn't the end of the world if they have a problem.

Quote of the Day:

Anais Nin
"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death."


Friday, December 19, 2008

Happee Snowz!!!!

To all you peeps out there in the NE: hope you're staying warm! Here's some fuzzy happiness of joy to keep you sort-of-not-bored for about 15 seconds!

Bored with the pictures already? Get interactive with...

... and probably more I can't find right now because I'm still at work.

(On that note, I can't give you any sort of clue on the quality of these games. I couldn't follow any of the links because our IT people firewalled friggin' everything. So yeah. You'll have to let me know how it goes.)

Anyway, happy snows!

Quote of the Day:

(Ernest Saves Christmas)
Ernest P. Worell: I am one with the Yuletide, know what I mean?


Monday, December 15, 2008

More Anti-Twilight Ammo

I love you Rod Hilton. Can I have your babies?!

Twilight: The Abridged Script
Copied here for your reading delight! (Can also be seen on cracked.com!)





Once upon a time, there lived an enchanting girl named Stephenie Meyer, er I mean Kristen Stewart. She was so awesome that her awesomeness couldn’t be contained in Arizona, so she moved to Washington to stay with her father, who was totally lame and not cool.


Hey honey. I’m super lame. I got you a car, but it’s totally uncool because I’m totally uncool.


Thanks Dad, or whatever. Time for my first day at a new school. Since every coming-of-age story requires the main character be a social outcast, I suppose I’ll have to endure being the unpopular new girl until I do something that proves my worth.



Oh my God I love your hair you’re so pretty will you be my new best friend?


Can I take you out sometime since you’re so awesome?


No way you asshole, I saw her first!


I’d rather watch “The Messengers” than date either of you. Why don’t you go ask Anna instead?


Ohmigod I’m getting Kristen’s rejects that’s so awesome!


Wow. I guess this is what it looks like when the unpopular fat girl’s pathetic daydreams get written down and published into a bestselling book. Aren’t well-written characters supposed to have flaws?


Flaws? Oh, well, um, I suppose you could argue that you’re a little TOO perfect and amazing. But I don’t think so. Let’s make out.

Suddenly, ROBERT PATTINSON enters. The paleness of him and his family members reach blinding levels while the squeals in the movie theater reach deafening levels.


Who’s the albino Wolverine?


Oh, him? That’s Robert. He’s universally acknowledged as the hottest boy in school but he doesn’t date anyone because no girl is good enough for him.


No girl is good enough for him? Man, the excuses closested homosexuals come up with these days…

KRISTEN sits next to ROBERT, who nearly vomits in his mouth and leaves school for a week. Eventually, he returns.


Hey, where did you go? Because you are exceedingly mean to me, I find myself attracted to you.


Sounds like textbook daddy issues, you fat cow.




You have a bright career as a stripper ahead of you.

ROBERT and KRISTEN continue not quite interacting with each other and having no chemistry together.


Hey, your eyes are changing color from gorgeous to ultragorgeous. What’s going on?


Alright, you got me. I was acting like a jerk because I secretly totally love you.


Of course! This also explains why the captain of the football team always acted like he hated Stephenie Meyer!


There’s more. I want to eat you.


Holy shit, really? I need to go home and do some waxing first, but…


No, I mean literally eat you. I’m a vampire.


Hmm. The only way I will believe you is if you carry me up a mountain using special effects from the 70’s.



You really are a vampire! Does that mean that garlic, stakes, and sunlight kill you?


Don’t be stupid. All of that lore is far too interesting for this movie. Being a vampire just means I get superpowers. It’s like being Spiderman, but sexier. Also, I sparkle in the sunlight.


So that’s why why your family moved here, because it’s always overcast!


That’s right everyone, this whole movie is a 2-hour-long setup for a joke about the Pacific Northwest.


So if you’re immortal, how old are you anyway?


Over a hundred, but to be fair I’ve spent most of that time working on my hair.

The two of them GAZE into each other’s eyes with UNCOMFORTABLY HUGE CLOSEUPS for 80% of the rest of the movie.


KRISTEN wakes up to find ROBERT watching her sleep.


Holy fucking shit! If you weren’t so hot I’d have you arrested! How long have you been doing this?


2 months.


But I’ve only lived here one month according to the script.


Yeah, the script was written in six weeks. Don’t get hung up on shit like that.


Oh. Well, as long as you’re here I guess we could have sex.


No, I can’t have sex with you! I’d be unable to control myself! I’d bite you and turn you into a vampire! Also I ejaculate boiling venom, so I’d need to wear like fifty condoms.


Wait, we can’t have sex at all, and you can’t suck my blood? How can you make a vampire movie without anyone sucking blood?


It’s alright, I think this movie already has more than enough sucking.


BILLY BURKE is cleaning his gun and drinking a beer while listening to country music.


Dad, my boyfriend is coming over to pick me up. Try not to get dork all over him.


Okay, let me meet him after the movie makes the film industry’s ten billionth joke about protective fathers disliking boyfriends.


Alright. Oh and also he’s a 100-year-old vampire, don’t say anything racist about vampires, okay?


Hello, sir. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Kristen has said absolutely nothing about you because you’re so lame.


So I hear you’re a 100 years old. And interested in my 17-year-old daughter. So, mathematically that’s like, what, a 40-year-old dating a 6-year-old?




Yeah, so my friend Chris Hansen would like you to have a seat right over here.


Dad, you’re embarrassing me almost as much as my acting does! I’m just going over to his house to have dinner with his family, I’ll be back before 11. Unless the ravenous vampires murder me, of course.


Alright, just bring this pepper spray with you. It’s literally the very least I can do to offer it to my teenage daughter.


Daaaaad! Stop being such a loser, I don’t need this!


Really? Weren’t you almost raped by four guys earlier in the movie?


Yeah but I have a BOYFRIEND now, which means I no longer have to be independent of physically capable of doing anything on my own. GOD!

ROBERT and KRISTEN go to visit ROBERT’S FAMILY MANSION in the middle of the woods, because of course the FANTASY MALE should be rich, too.




Jesus, this place is paler than an Anne Rice book signing event. At least it doesn’t smell as bad.


Welcome to our ridiculously expensive home. I’m the father figure of this family because I’m the one who turned them all into vampires. There’s something disturbing about the idea that I’ve only turned teenagers into vampires, but let’s ignore that.


Wow, you guys are so close. What keeps this family together so well?


Funny you should ask. Let me tell you about Count Joseph Von Smith. One day a vampire named Moronula appeared to him and told him to find these golden stakes buried in a coffin…


Knock it off, dad. So, Kristen, there must be something really special about you for Robert to take such a liking to you and risk the lives of his entire family. Tell us about yourself.


Me? Oh, no. I’m just a hollow placeholder for all of the teenage girls in the audience to project their personalities onto. I have none of my own whatsoever.


Oh. Well what do you like to do for fun?


Mostly smoke pot on my porch in front of the paparazzi. What about you guys?


Vampire baseball.


Ha ha, no seriously.


Really. Vampire baseball. We even have uniforms. Want to come watch us play?


Actually as it happens the very last thing on Earth I or any other sane person would want to watch is vampire baseball, but go ahead.

They play vampire baseball, which looks exactly as stupid as it sounds to all of the males in the audience. The game attracts the attention of some EVIL VAMPIRES, who actually do the type of shit vampires are supposed to, like fucking kill boring humans. One of them, CAM GIGANDET, notices KRISTIN.


Oh man, that looks great, are you gonna finish that?


Stay away from her or my family will have to kill you. Specifically, we’ll have to hiss at you like fifth graders pretending to be Dracula, and then kill you.


Murder, eh? That’s one hell of a family activity. My family usually just plays scrabble.


The family that slays together, stays together.

CAM tries to eat KRISTEN, a poorly directed action sequence ensues, and eventually he is defeated.


Kristen’s been bitten! She’ll be turned into a vampire within minutes unless you suck the venom out! I can’t do it for some reason or another.


Since the whole novel this is based on is just Mormon propaganda for abstinence and bloodsucking is a metaphor for sex, what exactly is this advocating?


Look, all I know is that even though it’s going to be REALLY HARD, you’re just going to have to PULL OUT of her before CLIMAX. The climax of the movie, I mean.



KRISTEN wakes up in the hospital, and ROBERT wakes up after her.


I thought vampires never slept.


Script. Six weeks. Remember?


Right. Well, thanks for saving my life after endangering it by inviting me into your dangerous world. Let’s go to the prom together.


Actually, I think it would be better if we broke up. To keep you safe.


From vampires?


No, from being typecast forever after this series is done. I’m screwed, but it’s not too late for you.


No. No, you can’t ever leave me. Never. No matter what. We must be together forever and ever and ever.


Holy shit, you’re a clingy psychotic bitch. Maybe we have a realistic high school relationship after all.

They stay together and go to the PROM.


I want you to make me a vampire so that I can be with you, even if it means sacrificing my own life as a mortal.


So, the next generation of young women is currently flocking to see a female lead starring in a movie by a female director based on a bestselling book by a female author, and in this movie the main character wants to become completely submissive and self-sacrificing for a male.


I love you. Put a baby in me.


At least the other three books can’t possibly be more misogynistic and depressing.

They ARE.


Friday, December 12, 2008


Sorry for the lack of posts this month, you twenty or so readers you! I've been a little brain dead. Between work, skool, general anxiety, and the realization that I may be trying to do too much at one time (see first born syndrome), it's just not been a creative month. I can't even bring myself to write some snarkity snark snark for you all to escape to (which is the actual purpose of this blog, contrary to what my post topic titles may tell you!).

I may just bite the bullet and take a complete mental vacation for about a week. No worrying about all that stuff I didn't get done (coz I was too worried about getting it done to actually DO it), no agonizing over the name that just won't die*, no more dwelling on my roller-coastering emotions (DIE, anxiety! DIE!), no thinking about anything writing related, no nothing. The only things I absolutely have to get done are work stuff and house cleaning... which I wish I could put off for a while, however we're getting the carpet replaced in the whole house in about 1.5 weeks, which means stuff needs to be able to move easily, which means all the friggin' clutter has to go.

BUT, since I'm not going to worry about anything else this week, the cleaning might be therapeutic.

Yes, I am weird like that. Sometimes shutting off my brain and doing a lot of busy work (cleaning) is good for my soul.

Anyway, I'll post as the mood strikes me, but the trend for December seems to be several days between posts and I don't see that changing the rest of this month. Your resident Ninja Bunny needs some quality offline time.

*My friggin hero won't give me a clue as to whether or not he wants his name changed and if he does he's sure as hell not tellin' me what it is.


Thursday, December 11, 2008

Which Creature of the Night Are You?

Surprise!!! lol

Who saw that one coming?

(Actually, I fully expected NOT to be a werewolf even though I wanted that to be my answer. This day is just full of surprises!)

What I find interesting is that I'm also equal parts vampire and Cthulu spawn... hmm. Does that mean when I shift at the full moon my werewolf form drinks blood and sports a few extra tentacles?

Which creature of the night are you?
Your Result: Werewolf

You are a vicious fighter and a vicious lover, absolutely dedicated to your pack. You are pushed to anger by disloyalty and injustice and have a tendency toward sudden, periodic bursts of wild behavior.

Cthulu Spawn
Which creature of the night are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Top 5 Favorite Music Vids

These aren't my favorite songs, but they are my favorite [semi-recent] music videos. They're not listed in true preferred order, just listed as I could find them on YouTube.

#1 - "Love Me Dead" by Ludo
Why? - Fun song, fun video. As Demps put it, "this is the direction emo should have gone." I agree!
Favorite part - "you SUCK so passionately!"

#2 - "Tear You Apart" by She Wants Revenge
Why? - Because this song wins at life and the video makes me want to know WTF happens next!
Favorite part - the chorus. I mean really, find me another song with a chorus like that. It gets stuck in my friggin brain!

#3 - "Don't Shoot Me Santa" by The Killers
Why? - It makes me have a lolgasm. Srsly.
Favorite part - The puppet show!

#4 - "1985" by Bowling For Soup
Why? - The '80s references are priceless.
Favorite Part - When they're in the garage acting like Robert Palmer in "Addicted to Love"

#5 - "Weapon of Choice" by Fatboy Slim
Why? - Christopher Walkin. Dancing.
Favorite part - All of it, really. I mean... Christopher Walkin. Dancing. He dances.

So what are your favorite music videos?


Monday, December 8, 2008

Randy Pausch's Last Lecture

After speaking with my sister, it occurs to me that there are a great many people who haven't seen this video.

I must fix this.

Now, this is pretty long. I will wait patiently for you to go get your slippers on and find a good place to huddle under a blanket or something with your laptop. No, really. Do it. This is over an hour long. Get comfortable.

Ready now? Good. Click play.

Words escape me. I tear up every time I watch it.

RIP, Randy Pausch (as of July 25, 2008). You're an inspiration to us all.


Jo Leigh and Book Suggestions

So, as I twittered earlier, I've apparently been living under a rock. I just discovered this and there's only 2 days left on the auctions...

Some of these are really ossim. If I had the money, I might actually bid on the Smart Bitches auction, because you know those books are some good reading. As it is I'm trying to see if there's one that falls under "affordable." One I clicked on at random was up over $300, and lowest I saw so far was $52 (though I didn't look at many of them. I skimmed).

Gives me the warm fuzzies to see so many writers (and agents and editors) sticking up for each other. That's the type of community I strive to join in all my endeavors. (Hey, snarky bitches have a heart too, you know. I do actually care sometimes!)

Oh, also... I need suggestions. I have 4 nieces (soon to be 6 coz of my step-bro is engaged and his lady friend has 2 more daughters) and I don't know what in the hell to get them that they'd enjoy. Bookwise, I mean. (Remember, I'm buying books for everyone this year!)

Does anyone have suggestions for these ages?

niece 1 (sister of 2) – 10 yo
niece 2 (sister of 1) - 8 yo
niece 3 – 4 yo
niece 4 – 1 yo
future sister of 1+2 – 10 yo
future sister of 1+2 – 3 yo


Sunday, December 7, 2008

More Quizzes! YAY!

Getting caught up on my blog reading. Found a couple of hilarious quizzes courtesy of Janet Reid. Here are the results!


I could survive for 35 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

Janet has 10 seconds on me with the velociraptor but I beat her by 1% on the zombie thing. What are your chances for survival??

Then, of course, I had to take some of the other quizzes. This one is just too much funny:



Friday, December 5, 2008


Okay, seriously, I lol'd so hard I almost fell out of my chair.

How To Be An Empowered Stalkee

"And then I read on Stephenie Meyer’s website that vampires don’t need to blink and then it creeped me out EVEN MORE because I kept envisioning Edward sleep-stalking Bella over and over again in my head and it looked like this:"

Edward: (O_O)
Bella: (-_-) zzZ
Edward: (O_O)
Bella: (-_-) zzZ
Edward: (O_O)
Bella: (-_-) zzZ
Edward: (O_O)
Bella: (-_-) zzZ
Bella: (-_o) *
Edward: (O_O)
Bella: (ó.ò)

And it gets better. Seriously, go read it.


Thursday, December 4, 2008

Buy A Friggin Book Already

Please, for the love of all things holy (or unholy, as may be your preference), buy some books this season.

Why? Because:

1) I like books. I want to continue to be able to buy new books. I want to read new authors. I want to keep bookstores from reducing inventory or closing stores. You do to, right? (Right?!)
2) New authors (including myself! HELLO! /wave) would like to be able to land a publishing deal before next century, and we can't do that if publishers are doing things like laying people off and halting all new acquisitions. (For a look at how sad this is getting, check here.)
3) And, generally, increasing literacy rates is a good thing.

So yeah. Support the publishing industry. Make your little cousin/niece/brother/everyone sit down and read a book for once. Even Scalzi is asking for everyone to submit suggestions for books to give as presents. I have 7 nieces and 3 nephews and you can bet your last shopping dollar they're all getting a nicely bound set of printed paper for Christmas. (Or laminated cardboard, as two of those kids are only a year old. But whatever, it counts.)

Side note, blogging is a little bit of a non priority this week since we lost half our team at work and I have a final project (paper + presentation) due on Tuesday for the last friggin' school day of the semester. I'll be sparse this week but I'll be back with a vengeance next week, I promise!

Peace out and happy reading!



Twittering, I does it now. (Okay, yes, I'm slow. Sue me. Better late than never, right?)


This is a wonderful tool for keeping track of friends, goofing off at work, and generally distracting myself from just about everything else that needs my attention. I like it already!


Thursday, November 27, 2008

Gobble, Gobble Bitches!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

(To those of you outside the US, have a happy whatever day it isn't, and go enjoy some Turkey -- or tofurkey -- for us anyway. Come on, you know you want to indulge in a turkey-laden food coma!)

And just because I can, imma post the Sarah Palin interview FAIL. Oh yes. Some of you know what's coming.

Meanwhile, we have Thanksgiving wishes from Head Trip Comics (which is from last year but still relevant), Scalzi does an article about things he's thankful for in the SciFi movie universe, Niel Gaiman shows us how he makes cranberry sauce (which he calls jelly, and rightly so), CNN does a top 10 turkeys of 2008 article (it's political so avoid it if you're not into that sort of thing), people keep trying to deep fry their turkeys and end up setting the house on fire, and mental_floss gives you Manly Ways to Prepare Turkey which includes how to make Turducken. Oh, and Smart Bitches says thanks, too.

The Daily Show does Thanksgiving, too!

On a more serious note, President-elect Obama wishes everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. In case you don't want to read the transcript, here's the video:


I FINISHED MY SECOND DRAFT YESTERDAY!!!!! Eeeeeeee!!!!11!!one!!!1!!eleventy!!!!1~

I've got the thing out to a few betas to see what other shit I have to fix. In the mean time, I've got a few chapters to crit for someone else, a house to clean (amigahd people are coming over later and I just now remembered this o_O), some food to prepare, hair in need of washing, and a multitude of other things including homework.

Wait a minnit, what happened to my nice relaxing four day weekend??

Quote of the day:

"Good food food... good meat... good God, let's eat!"


Tuesday, November 25, 2008


I just realized something. Normally the holy trinity in Urban Fantasy is fangs, fur, and fey -- FFF. What's my holy trinity? Fangs, fur, and scales -- FFS.

I don't know about you but I think I just won at acronyms.

Also, I've worked through chapter thirteen (of seventeen) for revisions and consistency checks. Draft two is almost complete!


Monday, November 24, 2008

WoW in the White House

This is so full of win I can't hardly stand it. Obama appointed Kevin Werbach to help co-chair his FCC transition team. Why is this exciting? Because Mr. Werbach plays WoW. (Obama also appointed Susan Crawford, but she's a Still Life player and that just isn't as uber as a WoW player.)

"In preparation for his incoming administration, the two, both seasoned Net Neutrality advocates, will be tasked with providing information on U.S. government Internet and telecom policies, along with advising on budgetary and personnel matters."

Kevin blogged about his WoW habits a while back, and I gotta tell you, I'm making little squee noises over here about having this guy on that team. I mean, he gets it. This guy is not out of touch with the post Baby Boomer generation. This guy doesn't think the internet is a series of tubes. He has multiple characters in two different guilds and actually sees real life applicable opportunity in online gaming.

I must worship this manz. And kudos to Obama for an excellent pick.


Saturday, November 22, 2008

Ozzy Does WoW

Amigahd this is the best one yet!

And this.... this is hilarious. There are no words.


I did it!

I finally got that stupid final scene re-written! Eeeeee!!!!!

(For those of you keeping track, it's taken me way longer than it should to revise this novel. So long, in fact, that I'm putting off my homework to indulge in a gigantic creative streak just so I can have a shot at getting it done before Thanksgiving... 'coz I want to play WotLK, damn it.)

So now, on the novel to do list:

-- finish re-writing denouement, thus officially finishing draft 2 *squee!*
-- run through draft to check for consistency in changes
-- consult trusty beta readers (I heart you guys!)
-- possibly participate in The Beta Project
-- take Beta opinions into consideration and make corrections where necessary
-- write the damned synopsis and query thingy already
-- start accumulating rejections

So yeah. This stuff, I shall do it. Onward!


Friday, November 21, 2008

The Week in WTF

Remember that spider picture email chain I linked to you guys the other day? The one where he was trying to pay his bill with a picture of that spider? Um, yeah. Someone put the spider picture up on eBay. It sold for $10,000.

Some British dude cuts off his own head... with a chainsaw. I'm not an expert in suicide, but there's got to be some easier ways to go.

"He thought through how he was going to commit suicide very carefully. He went to a great deal of trouble."

Phyall, who had been drinking alcohol but not taken any drugs, tied the chainsaw to the leg of a snooker table and plugged it into a timer.

Police were called to his apartment in Bishopstoke, southern England, on July 5 when his parents could not contact him.

Requesting the parents to remain outside the property, officers broke in and found the walls and floor covered in blood, with Phyall's partially decapitated body in the lounge.

Man caught with penis in pasta jar. The title kind of speaks for itself.

Police believed Weatherley was doing something with his hands in his lap and thought that he might have a weapon.

Weatherley saw the police and drove away, despite them flashing their lights.

The chase lasted five to 10 minutes, with a top speed of just 20 kmh, before Weatherley was stopped at Centenary Drive, Newcastle. He refused to leave the car.

Four officers used batons and capsicum spray to remove him.

They found a 750-millilitre jar around his penis and noted that Weatherley attempted to continue "pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling".

Australia has a new political party. This one is pretty full of win, actually. I think some heads would explode (no pun intended) if they tried to make that party legitimate in the US.

Um... yeah.

And that was your week in WTFery. Happy Friday!


Thursday, November 20, 2008

Twilight: Final Review

Okay, I've had a day to calm down from yesterday's "amigahd!" moment.

And all I can think about is Twilight. The first thing I did this morning when I got to work was run over to Stephenie Meyer's website trying to find an inkling of what she did to sell this book, what her pitch was, so that I could maybe get a better understanding of what she intended when writing the book. (Which I didn't find, and I may try to email her about, because I am that curious. I want to know how she sold this thing.)

Instead, I head to the movie section. Proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes reading info and watching clips.

Despite wanting to punch the main characters in the face, despite feeling robbed of my uber climactic vampire fight there at the end, despite feeling somewhat cheated in my reading experience for various reasons including the lack of vampire fighting, I want to read more. I want to read the other three books. And I don't know why.

I mean, she obviously did something to grab me and suck me into the story as a reader. I think I'm so pissed because my writer side and my reader side are duking it out. My writer side tells me "look, she was inconsistent with Bella's character. She displayed a lot of TSTL syndrome and yet had brief flashes of true intelligence. She fluxuated between depressed and happy so much that she left the bipolar readers in total awe (the behavior of which was unrealistic). Bella's dad was not a chief of police no matter how many times Meyer mentioned it -- he was not a cop personality. Edward is downright creepy (he reminds me a lot of my very controlling and mentally abusive ex boyfriend, which is admittedly most of my problem with this book) and acts like he's eternally 15 years old with an unhealthy puppy love obsession despite being a very much in control 100 year old vampire before meeting Bella. There were too-convenient setups and plot twists everywhere. She sucked at scene transitions. The conflict of the story was internal and lead the readers around in virtual circles for 400 pages before finding external conflict that escalated so fast it stole my breath. Literally, I think the plot was 'they fall in love and shit happens.' (Okay, maybe there was something in there about Bella finding a purpose or something, but it wasn't a main focus.) Then she let the readers down by having Bella pass out DURING the climactic scene, which, while realistic, is a horrible way to tell a story. Oh, and they sparkle. SPARKLE. What the hell? Vampires do not sparkle!"

And then the reader part comes back and says "but it was damned interesting, wasn't it? Like a reality TV show. Why do people watch those? They know it's silly, they know it's contrived, they know the cast is always going to be so outrageously over the top because people become idiots when money is at stake and they're on TV... but it's so friggin' entertaining. And you were entertained, weren't you?"

To which I grit my teeth and mumble, "yes, damn it. I was. But you repeat that to anyone and so help me I will make you pay."

I still maintain that this is very much a Romeo and Juliet story. For those of you that might make a positive association with that play, let me tell you how *I* view it. It's my personal opinion that Shakespeare was making a statement about young love. He was telling us that yes, even in his time, teenagers could be raging idiots. In the span of three days these two teenagers fall for each other so hard that they can't stand the thought of bein apart and through some seriously effed up events end up committing suicide "for love." (A viewpoint which I didn't take until I was several years out of high school... because in high school, I thought it was the most romantic thing ever.)

This is basically how I view Twilight, and it's also the reason I want to punch Edward and Bella in the face -- because they freely admit to knowing their infatuation isn't healthy and they both agree the other would be better off without them. And yet, they don't care. They're like fuck it, let's enjoy our time together. Admirable. Enfuriating. Soap Opera drama at its best, and it sucked me in. I should feel ashamed of myself. But it isn't going to stop me from reading the other three books, is it?

No, no it's not. Damn it.

Then I go on to read about where Meyer got the idea and got Twilight published and stuff. Typical busy-mom writer story about how she wrote in her free time, someone encouraged her to publish the thing, and she did. That was the typical part. Here's the not so typical part: from the time she sat down to start the book and got it published, it was six months start to finish. SIX MONTHS. A few years later and she's a worldwide best seller with a huge movie deal.

I think I hate her now. Jealousy is clawing its way out of my cold little heart. Is my skin turning green? Do I have steam coming out of my ears? How did this become such a huge phenomenon in such a short time? I have bookshelves full of better material.

But it isn't the same material, is it? Meyer hit the nail on the head -- I don't know if she meant to, but she took a love story and a vampire story and made it mesh together in a very unique way. And what sells these days? Stories that stray from the norm. She strays really far from the norm in just about everything in that book. And it got her attention. She stands out. That is why these things are so popular.

I mean, look. Everyone talks about her book. There's reviews everywhere (hello, I just made how many review posts on it? Yeah, ELEVEN, including this one). Smart Bitches did four: one specifically about edward, one that reviewed the book and gave it a D-, one that showed a spoof trailer (which is so full of ossim and amazing it's ridiculous), and one that was trying to figure out the deal with the movie posters. There are hypothetical letters from Edward Cullen to Sarah Palin (coz the Cullens moved from Alaska to Washington), two comic strips (here and here) from headtrip comics, at least one major discussion thread on AbsoluteWrite by published and hopeful authors (which is just one set of forums I troll... and there is probably a lot more to be found, I'm sure) some of which is positive and some of which is fraught with WTFery, and even an MSN Movies article that does another spoof about Twilight: The Lost Script. There's anectdotal evidence everywhere of people loving the secondary characters, of showing up to Midnight Release parties. People that hated the book are spreading the word as fast as they can... which makes others want to read it despite the negative opinions (because we as people like to experience things for ourselves, especially if it's as fucked up as everyone says it is).

So yeah. I can hate this thing all I want, I can talk about burning it and punching people in the face, I can rant all day long about how much of an unhealthy relationship Meyer writes about and how no teenager should ever read the books lest they try to validate their own craptastic and possibly abusive relationships, I can rant for pages upon pages about just creepy Edward and I-need-to-validate-my-life-through-someone-else Bella, never mind any other issues, but at the end of the day...

I still want to read it. I have to. I have to know what happens, and how badly it all goes to hell. What the hell is wrong with me?


Basically: I don't get it. And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go cleanse my brain with some actual work.

Quote of the Day:

(Romeo and Juliette)
Romeo: Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.
Mercutio: If love be rough with you, be rough with love. Prick love for pricking and you beat love down.


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Chapter 24 and Epilogue

Yep, last post. In case you missed it, here were the previous chapters:

Prologue, 1, 2
Chapters 3, 4, 5
Chapters 6, 7, 8
Chapter 9, 10, 11
Chapters 12, 13, 14
Chapters 15, 16, 17
Chapters 18, 19, 20
Chapters 21, 22, 23


Oh Meyer you BITCH you took my vampire fight away from me! @%%@$%&*!%@#$!#$% How fucking anti-climactic was that?? *prepares to throw book across room*

Fell down two flights of stairs and out a window? Yeah. Coz that explains a vampire bite on her hand, and, yannow, knuckle and boot-shaped bruises all over her. Riiiiiiiiiight. And I'm sure everyone believes that Edward didn't push her down these imaginary stairs when merely a few days before Bella ran out of the house all emotional screaming that she broke up with him and was flying to Arizona. (I mean, both were lies, but come on. A third grader wouldn't believe that shit, even with the fabricated evidence.)

Oh good, at least someone is on to Edward's obsessive behavior.

He's on the verge of breaking up with her for her own good. DO IT. Do it or so help me I will find a way to punch your fictitious self!

*headdesk* Help me, emo-one kenobi, you're my only hope. *headdesk*

"I'll be the first to admit that I have no experience with relationships," I said. "But it just seems logical... a man and a woman have to be somewhat equal... as in, one of them can't always be swooping in and saving the other one. They have to save each other equally."

^^ Rational thinking. I think I just fainted.

... And then she turns around and says that she basically can't live without him. Make up your damned mind. Are you TSTL or are you smart? Pick one.

"It's possible to take bravery to the point where it becomes insanity." Do you see this? This is me glaring.

Pain meds, promises, and we're done. I am very unsatisfied right now.


The Prom. *snort*

Aww, poor Jacob. That guy is sweet. He's got a message for her, what is it? HA! Billy Black doesn't believe the stairs excuse, either. I like that guy.

I love you... I'm not worthy... I love you... I'm not worthy... gawd, get over yourselves already. Bella has an excuse but you're a hundred years old, Edward.


Can I just say worst climax EVER in the history of bad climaxes? There was so much buildup in that short period of time and then the story just... stopped. I waited 400 friggin' pages before outside conflict happened and then there was no climax. What. The. Hell. Okay, yes, there was an emo-filled happily ever after, but it was wholly unsatisfying as a) there was no climax to come down from and b) they are such a disaster that you know, even without the other books, that they are going to have issues after the temporary HEA is over.

Now that I've given you a play-by-play of my reactions I wanted to give you a general "this is what I think and why" but I'm too pissed to do it right now. Maybe tomorrow.

Fuck, I have three more of these damned books to read. Someone shoot me.


Twilight 21-23


Alice has a vision of... Bella's mom's house. That can't be good.

Oh hey, phone call and it's Bella's mo-OH MY GOD IT'S JAMES. And look, Jasper the empath is conveniently out of the room right now, so he isn't there to feel that Bella is freaking the fux out. And while I'm thrilled at the increased amounts of action, it's just a little eyebrow-raising that James would go after her mom to lure her out for snack time. Is he that obsessed with finding one measly human? There's millions of others out there, dude.

Then again, it would really piss off Edward.

Never mind, carry on. You get one get out of jail free card for the too-convenient plot twist as long as we see Edward suffer and Bella's mom doesn't have to die.

And of course she stops to write a letter to Edward before going off to die. Gotta keep up the emo!


Alice has another vision, and she says Bella's name and looks frightened and stuff, but then says everything is fine. What are you up to, little miss psychic? How come you aren't spilling the beans? You know what she's up to. She's gonna ditch your asses so she can go save her mom TSTL style.

Yep, there she went. Used the good ol' bathroom trick in the airport when they went to pick up Edward. (Why doesn't she wait for Edward, you ask, or bring anyone with her? 'Coz James will KEEL her momma if she does, that's why. In case you were wondering.)

Shuttle... cab ride... home to get the number James left for her... running, running, running...

Oh James you sneaky little bastard. I want to have your babies. You are everything a vampire should be -- ruthless, intelligent, and oh so evil. (Not gonna expand on that one as it's very spoilery, but those of you that read it know what I'm talkin about with the Ballet place and stuff.)

And he... wow. Wow. Bella actually gets injured? No deus ex machina before the blood flows? Meyer, I'm shocked.


Oh Christ now she's calling Edward's voice the voice of an angel. Gag me with a spoon.

Hey? Where did James go? #*$%&@#$%!#@$ I wanted a vamp fight god DAMMIT! Where is my vamp fight?

/deep breath
/calm down

Okay, fine. But you better have one for me later.

How friggin' sweet and stuff -- Edward has supreme control over his blood drinking self even while she's bleeding. Aww. Idnit speshel. /hurl

What? Hey! The chapter is over already? Friggin' cheat. That didn't even qualify as a quarter of a chapter, and now I gotta wait until I get home to read and review the rest. Sigh.

I find myself becoming strangely addicted despite wanting to punch Edward and Bella in the face. Why? Do the gods laugh at me? Are they having fun at my expense? Why do I feel this need to take just a liiiiiiiiittttle bit longer lunch and finish the book? Why do I want to know what happens? This is mind boggling, and I shall spend the rest of the afternoon thinking about it. Along with DA's question about "how would you give someone directions from the north pole?" (That's a hard one, that is... everything is south from there.)

More to come later today. I'm strangely looking forward to it. Quick, someone slap me.

Previously reviewed:
Prologue, 1, 2
Chapters 3, 4, 5
Chapters 6, 7, 8
Chapter 9, 10, 11
Chapters 12, 13, 14
Chapters 15, 16, 17
Chapters 18, 19, 20

Coming up:
Chapter 24 and Epilogue


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Twilight 18-20

YAY drama that comes from outside the emo couple! /popcorn


Burgundy predator eyes? Excellent! But meh, the lead guy has a French accent. We need to see some crazy vamp accents sometime. Like Canadian. (I just snorted at the thought of a Cannuck vamp. "I'm gonna suck your blood, eh? Hoser!")

Ooooo, tenseness between Edward and one of the other doods. Snarling, teeth baring. James is hungry. Come onnnnnnn, vamp fight! (They won't, unfortunately. They agreed to keep the peace and go home to the Cullens' etc. But hey, I can dream.)

Running... driving away... osnap. James is apparently gonna give Edward a run for his money (Edward can hear thoughts, and I guess James is all "yer chick, I shall eat her. and it will be good"). Finally, some really interesting conflict!

"Bella, please just do this my way, just this once," he said between clenched teeth. Hon, I don't know if you noticed, but she does it your way a lot. And unclench your teeth plx. You're moody -- we don't need you to be cliche, too.

Nice planning by Bella. There actually is a brain under all that emo. Looks like we're goin' back to Phoenix, AZ!


Woah. Emo girl can act, too. She's throwing a truly hellish breakup tantrum in order to get out of the house believably. Kind of feel bad for Charlie, though (her dad). She's gone beyond hitting below the belt. She's downright K.O.'d him. Tho he isn't acting like chief of police or whatever he is. For being law enforcement he sure does freeze up a lot around emotional wimminz. Nice guy, but you can tell Meyer doesn't know any cops.

James followed them! /popcorn

Amighad I love chase scenes! Decoys and ambushes and escapes, oh my! And Edward and Bella have to split for a few days. I thought this was good until I remembered that she's prone to bouts of depression. Ahh, well. I can put up with it if I get a vamp fight. Lurves me those vamp fights.


Washington to Arizona in a day. Must be a new land speed record.

Travel, travel, travel... Oopsie, James caught on. He's on a plane now. The Tracker is on the hunt... Sleeping, calling peeps, onoes Alice has a vision, Bella leaves a message for her mom, more sleeping...

... and chapter ends.

Okay, that was an excellent change in pace. We were minimal on the emo except for a few zomg I heart you moments, and it seems like people are acting kind of... intelligent?? It's, like, mind-boggling. Too bad it took almost 400 pages of train wreck to get to this point.

More to come. Stay tuned!

Previously reviewed:
Prologue, 1, 2
Chapters 3, 4, 5
Chapters 6, 7, 8
Chapter 9, 10, 11
Chapters 12, 13, 14
Chapters 15, 16, 17

Coming up:
Chapters 21, 22, 23
Chapter 24 and Epilogue


Twilight: The Lost Script

This deserves it's own post. Why? Because it's full of win. Thanks amybai for the link a few posts back. You have no idea how much I <3 you right now! (And I lawled in the office, just so you know.)

Twilight: The Lost Script

The entire book (so far) can actually be summed up on the 5th slide there. It goes something like this (quoted straight from that article):

EDWARD: Oh my God! What happened to your ears! Did someone hurt you, my love?

BELLA: What? I can't hear you. I'm wearing my earbuds and rocking out. Have I told you today that you are gorgeous? Your torso looks like it's carved from marble. Who cares that your skin's so cold... more I have to wear a blanket when we snuggle? You're yummy!

EDWARD: OK, if you can't hear me, then I will whisper the words I've longed to utter for a century. I love you. Love, love, love, kissy, kissy.

BELLA: Um, Edward, I was just kidding. I can still hear you when I have my earbuds on.

EDWARD: I meant every word of it. You are the sweet love of my life. My nostrils flare to embrace your intoxicating scent.

BELLA: Do you have any Tic Tacs? I feel like I should, I don't know, eat a breath mint or something. We're going to kiss soon, right?

EDWARD: I fear my passions will overwhelm me. Let us just hold hands and take another ride in my swift, swift Volvo.

BELLA: Can't hear you. Earbuds.

Arr Ohh Eff Ell, I saiz.

Quote of the day:

(Young Frankenstein)
Elizabeth: [singing, while having sex with the monster] Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I've found you! At last, I know the secret of it all!


Monday, November 17, 2008

Twilight 15-17

So where was... oh, right. The Sleepover. Look, even Edward is like "srsly?" in this picture.


Mmkay, well, it's the "morning after" (kind of) and he's merely cheerful instead of unstable and creepy. This is acceptable. You may pass go. You may collect $200.

She loves him? She loves him? And he's all Han Solo like "I know." Not really but close enough... anyway, he doesn't return the sentiment. All he does is pull another Edward creepy moment with the "you are my life now." Honestly, WTF kind of response is that? Hi, I'm Edward, and I'll be your stalker for the next few decades. Would you like me to shadow your every move today or just listen in on all your conversations? I can be flexible.

She has a sense of humor? Where did that come from?

Creepy Edward behavior # something (I lost count): He's watching her eat.

Alice, eh. Sounds like she knows what's goin' on and Edward doesn't like it. I like her already and she isn't even in the book yet.

What's with the cheek thing! Stop touching her face already. You're going to give her a zit. Or vampire cooties. Or something.

WTF? Now she's a fainter?

lololololol okay yes I like Alice. What a hoot. (I just said "what a hoot" didn't I? Apparently I've suddenly moved back to my hometown without realizing it. 'Sup, y'all?)

Yes, yes, there's danger coming to town, we know you're going to be overly protective. Move along. (And there we go again with the being satisfied when she looks somewhat frightened.)

He did not just do that. (tear tasting)

Yes, I am satisfied with my earlier assessment that Edward is bipolar, 'coz this is complete 180 from yesterday. Between his bipolar creepiness and her clinical depression, they're going to make for an interesting couple. And by interesting, I mean like reality show interesting, like "I Love Money" interesting. I need to start making Twilight based FAIL pictures.


More vampy background stuff. Carlisle is a decent guy so far. Sounds like good people.

Enough with the scariness. She isn't afraid of you dude, and you pouncin' on her is not going to change that. Got it?

Wait, why does there have to be thunder outside for them to play baseball? I'm confused. I'll probably get an answer here in a few pages, but I'm still confused.


Woah, moar confooshun. They were gonna go play baseball and then suddenly Edward was dropping her off at her dad's house. And osnap, the Blacks are back.

... and they're gone again. They seem to have this thing with appearing, making a statement, and leaving again. Seems kind of convenient.

Wha..? She is really not good at transitioning scenes. Charlie just sat down to talk to Edward (she announced her intentions) and then Bella was all "let's go" and they went. No talking other than "so you're going to play baseball?" What was the point, then? I would have edited that scene out or gave it more dialogue. More something. That was highly pointless.

K, the neck kissing was kind of hot.

Esme is nice too, I've decided this.

"You don't mind, then?" I asked, hesitant again. "That I'm... all wrong for him?"
"No." She was thoughtful. "You're what he wants. It will work out, somehow," she said, though her forehead creased with worry.

^^ Foreshadowing, yer doin' it obvious.

Oh, oh! What's this? We can has bad dudes? Traditional bad dudes? /popcorn

Nooooooooooooooooo... something interesting was finally happening! GDI. You guys may get two posts tonight.

Better chapters here. Not so much emo, more concentration on actual story stuff like backgrounds and, yannow, some stuff happening that doesn't only involve Edward and Bella. Much better than yesterday's reading session, I tell you what.

More to come in a few. Damned insatiable curiosity.

AM UPDATE: I decided it was too late and I needed to get sleep, and I have class tonight, so no updates until late again. Not like that's a stray from the norm since I've been posting these things after I should have already gone to bed. Heh.

Previously reviewed:
Prologue, 1, 2
Chapters 3, 4, 5
Chapters 6, 7, 8
Chapter 9, 10, 11
Chapters 12, 13, 14

Coming up:
Chapters 18, 19, 20
Chapters 21, 22, 23
Chapter 24 and Epilogue


Twilight 12-14

Firstly, I have to stop and offer compliments to the casting director for choosing Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black. You, sir (or ma'am), have outdone yourself in a bid to melt teenage hearts everywhere.

(plus, yannow, I'm a die hard werewolf fan, and well, that just makes this even better)

Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled programming.


Hmm... can't quite see the point of Billy and Jacob Black coming over for a visit. It was pretty random, and was over really fast. I mean, yeah, Billy saw and identified Edward, and Jacob confirmed the name, but that was about it. Literally nothing else happened during that scene. Seems kind of unnecessary.

Bella woke up feeling blissful! Amigahd! She does have other emotions!

Okay Edward. We've gone over this before. The whole "dangerous" thing? Doesn't work on Bella. You're like a hundred years old or something. You're smart (maybe). Figure it out already and quit egging her on. At this point your continued efforts to try and intimidate her are coming across as transparent bait-and-switch maneuvers, and it doesn't make you look very nice.

I do have to stop here and say that I know some people have a serious problem with x-year old vamps falling in love with mere mortals. Now, this doesn't just apply to this story, so I'm not making excuses for Meyer, but I want to state my opinion on this issue. Think of it this way: vampires, as portrayed in most modern fiction, are simply humans that lack a heartbeat and happen to have a taste for blood. They anger, they smile, they flirt. They can be disappointed. They can be severely emo. Want to commit vampire suicide. Some of them even cry. Lots of modern ones even still have sympathy or respect for their fellow humans. Point is, authors are trying to make them more human.

Why, then, is it so hard to believe that vampires can be susceptible to sudden inexplicable urges such as puppy love for a particular human? Even if said human is several hundred years their junior, this still makes sense to me. In fact, it makes more sense, because it's kind of a "forbidden" thing. What happens when you tell someone they can't have or do something? The first thing they want to do is go after that passion, go after that forbidden fruit. Agewise they're old, but they don't physically appear old, which negates the icky old guy factor, and they legitimately think they still have a chance with the laydeez. Okay, they're kind of dead, but if they move around and interact with things and retain their intelligence they are not going to feel dead, and potential partners won't treat them like they are.

Being a hundred years old doesn't automatically excuse said vampire from making very human mistakes, nor does it automatically make them smarter. Come on, I know at least one of you reading this blog has come across a person several years your senior who has the emotional maturity of someone at least ten years younger than you. Vampires are not exempt from this. They seem to be prone to it, in fact... I mean, how did they become vampires in the first place? They got emo-attached to a vampire (in modern lore). Even if they were randomly attacked, if they were "turned" by their attacker (willfully, not accidentally), that original vampire is going to have the issues I mentioned above (thinking they can spend eternity with the same person and no one else? srsly), and what happens when you hang out with a bunch of moody, immature dead things for a hundred years? Guess what? The attitude rubs off. The habits are picked up.

Edward's family wants him to stay away from humans (being alone with them) lest he lose control. So what happens when he finds one human he's kind of interested in? It gets blown out of proportion. He's going to become fixated on it, probably to an unhealthy point (so far, it looks like this is going to happen in the story). Let's use the forbidden fruit example. Deny yourself for so long and eventually you are going to say eff this and gorge yourself on said forbidden fruit. Edward, after denying himself human company for so long, is binging on Bella's company. Is she the best girl out there? No. Is she the prettiest? Probably not. Is she available? Yes. So this whole 100 year or whatever vamp falling for a teenage girl? After showing you my reasoning -- absolutely believable.

Do I approve of the behavior? No. That's an entirely separate issue. But it is believable. Is it romantic? No. And I probably just spoiled vampires for some of you, but it's realistic. I'm not saying true love or love at first sight or whatever doesn't exist. I'm just sayin' it doesn't exist to the extent fiction writers make it seem. Anyway, onwards with the reading.

Hmm. She's starting to push away her friends in favor of Edward. Not healthy. Oh, and lying to everyone. That'll keep her out of trouble for all of three seconds.

Why is he angry that she didn't tell anyone she was out with him? I mean, it's not the usual kind of worry. He acts like since she didn't tell anyone then she's going to die a horrible death-by-fangs or something. If Edward were really that worried, he wouldn't go in the first place. Honestly. He's a few fangs short of a vampire nest, if you know what I mean.

Oh for the love of... "the marble contours of his chest"... /raises book like she's gonna throw it. Quit bein' so damned sparkly already.

Anyone else notice he was strangely relieved when he thought Bella was finally scared of him?


Oh Christ, she really does describe him as sparkly? I... guh... Crap, I thought that was a joke. ...He sparkles?...

Okay, now he's deliberately trying to frighten her. [next page] Okay, and now he's trying to say he's sorry and he'll never do it again. How many of you have heard this before? Yeah, I thought so. And now I officially no longer like Edward.

And he's bipolar! This guy is so full of unstable he's starting to be worse than Bella.

Yes, I called this one. So what happens when he finds one human he's kind of interested in? It gets blown out of proportion. He's going to become fixated on it, probably to an unhealthy point. Her scent drives him crazy. He wants to kill her and kiss her all at the same time. Unhealthy attachment, and he isn't distancing himself from her like he should. It isn't anything as romantic as love and it isn't going to end well.

"I'm here... which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." I frowned. "I'm an idiot." YES. YES YOU ARE. This is the part where you regain sanity and say to hell with the sparkly vampires. But you're not going to do that, are you? Of course not. It's the damned female tendency to love what does not want to be (or in this case, cannot be) loved.

Oh, oh, oh... oh honey, stay away from the throat... /exhale in a hiss. /lets go of the arm rests. Srsly, I think he is trying to kill her. Why is he testing his boundaries so shortly after admitting he has like no control around her?

Hmm. Forest nookie? Ahh, no, they're just going for a little flight on Air Edward.

Okay, we were doing much better Bella-wise. Now Edward is the one flaking out on us. The narration is fine, and Meyer handles the awkward moments well, to the point where I want to like it, but I cannot stand the combination of characters. Edward and Bella are a train wreck. That's all there is to it. And like a train wreck, you don't want to look but can't look away. There. I have discovered the success of the Twilight series.


Interesting vamp background. Not so interesting to confirm he actually was spying on her for a while. Irritating that she found it kind of flattering. [later] Wait, is he actually *in* the room when he watches her? CREEPY.

Oops! Dad's home. And of course Edward doesn't leave. Oh no. He hides in her room. 'Coz that's totally smart and all, what with the self-admitted issues with self control around Bella.

"Bring on the shackles -- I'm your prisoner." But his long hands formed manacles around my wrists as he spoke. Symbolic, yes? Yes, I thought so too.

How cute, they "love" each other. Bella is a virgin (NO WAI!) and she wants to give it up to Edward. /puke

And they fell asleep together.

Let me just say that I am beyond disgusted and creeped out right now. Edward is the type of guy who is too obsessed to begin with, the type that if anything ever happened to Bella or she split with him, he would handle it very, very badly. Very badly. I cannot begin to express to you the negative thoughts and emotions surfacing that relate to my ex (who was very much an Edward). And Bella? TSTL. She's willfully throwing herself to the wolves, and she doesn't care. She's an idiot. This is a train wreck a la the Romeo and Juliet relationship. Except, you know, worse. Because he's a vampire and this has the potential to go on for an eternity.

Stephanie Meyer can write. She can write interesting personalities (as long as it isn't one of the main characters). She can write drama. That'll keep a lot of readers hooked, but I'm sorry, I can't stand the characters, and no amount of extra fun in the form of secondary characters is going to keep me hooked. (But I will still finish this as I'm morbidly curious now to see how badly this all ends. See the car crash phenomenon mentioned earler.)

Also, this comic is starting to make more sense to me now.

More to come. Stay tuned...

Previously reviewed:
Prologue, 1, 2
Chapters 3, 4, 5
Chapters 6, 7, 8
Chapter 9, 10, 11

Coming up:
Chapters 15, 16, 17
Chapters 18, 19, 20
Chapters 21, 22, 23
Chapter 24 and Epilogue